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Some of the moms at my son’s school stopped talking to me when they found out I’m a housewife.

June 10, 2021

Our 7 year old started a new school a couple months back. A lot of the moms and I exchange pleasantries daily and I noticed a few of the moms have started avoiding me as of late. It’s definitely not something I’ve done because I’m always pleasant and never engage in gossip or loaded topics. The only change is that they found out I’m a housewife. They must’ve realised it because of the way I dress and the fact I never rush at drop off, pick up, spend time at the park with my little one etc. I do catch these moms looking me up and down and as soon as I look their way, they look down/away. In all fairness, I am lucky to have a good husband. I live a carefree but humble life. We are not rich by any means, but my biggest stresses are what to make for dinner.

It bummed me out at first and rattled me a bit, but I’ve now accepted it. I don’t know why they would act this way though. A lot of them have nicer cars than me, bigger houses, more name brands and I don’t envy them.

Just wanted to share this with all you ladies.

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Post Information
Title Some of the moms at my son’s school stopped talking to me when they found out I’m a housewife.
Author throwaway8768901
Upvotes 175
Comments 51
Date June 10, 2021 8:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Luscious-Grass 77 points78 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Have you tried to ask them about their jobs and daily life outside of being mothers and wives? That is a big part of their world, and if they feel like it is completely foreign to you, they may not feel connected to you. Also, if they pick up in any way that you feel sorry for them or you feel sooo grateful to be a SAHM (implying that working is a failure or an unfortunate situation), it's natural they would avoid you.

I am not a SAHM but i have friends in every life situation. One good friend is a SAHW on the adoption list, another is a SAHM, others are working moms, some friends are trying for kids and don't have them yet.

I am curious, a good listener, and never judgmental. I love my career, but I don't spend a ton of time talking about it with my non-working friends. And I don't spend a ton of time talking about my daughter with my childfree kids (unless they are curious because they are trying to have kids).

If there are not a lot of SAHMs in your area and you want to have friendships with working moms, then my suggestion would be to make an effort to ask them questions, be affirming and understanding when it comes to the pros and cons of their lives, etc. I think this will make the difference.

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 46 points47 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I gave up an HR manager career where I was making great money. Packed my stuff and moved to the U.K. to be a housewife. That fact doesn’t sit well with most people, so I no longer share it. I don’t necessarily want to be friends with these ladies. The fact that I get looked up and down by them like I’m some kind of alien makes me recoil. I am very grateful to be a housewife, but I don’t feel sorry for anyone. Live and let live. There are other mothers whom I connect well with, but these few kinda stood out to me. I don’t necessarily want to be friends with these women. I’m actually becoming very friendly with the teachers and aids (catholic school) and I’ll volunteer with the school as soon as it’s safe to do so again. I’ll probably make friends that route.

Edit to add: I love your advice though. I will absolutely use it with other interactions. Thank you for it. :)

[–]bsuri089 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

that's so wonderful you were able to give up such a stressful job for full-time motherhood! It's really a shame they're being so judgmental. You seem like a very sweet pleasant individual. I'm sure you're in an uncomfortable spot..I would continue with being yourself and perhaps try and engage about their careers..anyway good luck! Your child is lucky to have a mother there all the time :)

[–]Kellermann 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is it some kind of a snobby village situation?

[–]TheSnesLord 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think it's a "snobby village situation", instead I would imagine it's the result of Feminism on TV, mainstream media, women's magazines, etc.

[–]Magicallypeanut 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My only advice is to kind of be cordial with the., just like the poster above suggested. Ask about their life and work. My reasoning is that these moms could be moms of you child's friends. Being on okay terms with them means they might be more likely to get invited to birthday parties and sleepovers. I'm not in your shoes so I can't evaluate the situation further.

[–]Stuck_in_a_daydream 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When my kids were younger I noticed the moms at school were always divided into 2 groups- the working moms and the SAHMs. I think it had more to do with availability than anything else. The working moms tended to get together in the evenings and on weekends. SAHMs usually met up during the school day. Most SAHMs are too busy with dinner and family stuff to go out for drinks with friends on a school night.

[–]shittyshitbird 25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t doubt that they may judge your decision, but who knows if that is the reason they’re excluding you. When I feel slighted, or insulted I often times find myself filling in the gaps, making assumptions and interpreting things based on my own lived reality. I have since realized that my perception is not objective truth. There are many reasons why people act the way they do, and unless they’ve explicitly told you why, it’s hard to know for sure. I would continue to be warm and friendly to them, and if they ignore you just move along. Find other people who are worth your time. 😊

[–]blushingoleander 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes yes yes.

Everyone jumps to the "they are just jealous" and that feels like a real ego-soothing answer. The truth is that we have no idea why OP is being excluded or if she even is.

[–]stripedtanker 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the single best advice ever. Most people should think like this but they always go with the lowest hanging fruit, whether that be race (Oh it must be cuz I'm xxxx race), looks, or whatever other random prejudiced beliefs they hold. If you think someone may not like you, then you'll give off closed vibes and it becomes self fulfilling.

It's definitely not the feel good answer, but it's definitely IMO the best lens to go through life with if you want to be social.

[–]eyeletflowers 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I find this difficult to believe. 20% of women in the USA are housewives, you can't be the only one at your son's school. What do you mean 'dressing like a housewife'? What does a housewife wear exactly?

It sounds like they are just being cliquey and bitchy and are looking for an excuse. People like that are not worth being friends with.

[–]-Raksu- 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's different in Europe. Even uber-Christian groups have their mothers working outside the home, kids in daycare.

[–]Maryied 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No it’s not unbelievable. I’ve only ever met one mother who doesn’t work and I’ve met a lot of Mums in my time. It would be looked down upon.

[–]HappilyMrs 38 points39 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

It sucks, I know. I got excluded from my group of antenatal friends when our babies were around 9 months old and they all finished maternity leave whilst I was a SAHM. I think it's mostly envy. But they conveniently forgot all the things my husband and I sacrificed that they still had, like holidays, new cars etc, to make this work.

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 22 points23 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like you’re in the U.K. that’s where I am as well. We gave up a lot of luxuries too. I went from shopping at Selfridges and John Lewis to H&M and M&S. And you know what? I’m actually happier inside. I used to be very materialistic, like a bottomless pit. Nothing was ever enough. I’ve taken a step back and I don’t feel happier, I feel peace.

[–]HappilyMrs 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The peace is so vital. Surely of everything we have going on in the world, peace should be our most prized possession

[–]MirriMazDuur 11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Hahah where I live lots of people consider H&M the good clothing

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

H&M has amazing clothing and some stuff is very fancy. I bought a £10 dress from them that was a few seasons behind. It originally retailed for like £58

[–]HappilyMrs 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I must admit, my clothes are usually Asda or the charity shops :) Sainsbury's is the poshest clothes I generally buy :o

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I shop sales so I get fairly nice things at a fraction of the price. Being at home has also taught me to save more money. It’s really weird but I’ve learned to make the £ stretch.

[–]HappilyMrs 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Adapting to circumstances is a great skill

[–]Edom_Kolona 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

"Ethical materialism, the idea that having more stuff will make us happy, is among the most disproven and debunked ideas of all time, yet strangely also among the most persistent."

[–]leinlin 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What‘s the source of the quote?

[–]Edom_Kolona 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I put quotes around that, didn't I. Lol.
Sorry. The only sense in which I could consider that a quote is that I have said it before.

[–]eyeletflowers 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you are in the UK that explains it. The UK is extremely feminist, far left and pro government, even more so than the USA. Only 1 in 11 women in the UK are SAHMs and being a housewife is heavily stigmatized. In many areas women even out earn men as a whole because of the government sector.

Some of these ladies might be social workers or they might be connected to the local health visitors and GP surgery or the school itself. I wouldn't bring attention to myself or do anything to piss them off. They might use the govt as a weapon. In fact if I was in the UK I would move to the middle of nowhere and homeschool my kids in a really remote farmhouse and pray my kid never ends up in a&e for any reason whatsoever. It is that bad over there to be a conservative or libertarian leaning person, especially if you are a parent. I really sympathize with you.

I am originally from the UK but moved abroad before I had kids. I wouldn't want to have kids there. The surveillance of children starts during pregnancy. It's terrifying.

[–]WingsofSky 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like a wonderful life.

I hope you are happy.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But they conveniently forgot all the things my husband and I sacrificed that they still had, like holidays, new cars etc, to make this work.

Ain't that always the way! I have a sister in law who does the same things, complains about how poor they are and how well off we are, conveniently ignoring all the lifestyle differences between us. Sigh.

[–]luxeluxeluxe 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They’re not jealous or envious they probably can’t relate to you at all. Employed and unemployed people often can’t relate to each other. People in society often try to form common ground. They just can’t relate to you that’s all.....;

I’m incredibly wealthy and never have to work a day in my life but I do so to keep my mind busy. Some people get bored at home.

[–]blushingoleander 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Everyone is telling you that they are jealous and I don't think that is necessarily the right answer.

The mommy wars can be intense. Everyone needs validation for their own choices. They probably aren't jealous of you but they don't understand your choices (or simply think theirs are better). They may even think you are judging them.

As an alternative theory, if you aren't engaging in gossip or loaded topics, they might think you aren't interested in them. And, if that is how the dynamics of that group work, you aren't interested in them because you don't want to engage in that manner.

[–]-Raksu- 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm guessing they feel self-conscious about their gossiping whenever they see OP lol

[–]Kellermann 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everyone needs validation for their own choices

Gold in comments

[–]AnnVealsMayonegg 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly - this is your assumption and it might be completely off base. Unless they’ve told you “we don’t like you cause you’re a sahm” this is all just a story in your head. There’s a lot of working moms vs sahm drama in red pill spaces but in reality no one cares.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]luxeluxeluxe 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not really. Some women actually prefer to have a source of income. As someone who is wealthy objectively if I was middle/ working class I’d have a source of income. Unless I had a wealthy husband I’d never ever not have an income even if your middle class husband pays for everything. Why? Because in a divorce he won’t have enough to ‘set you up for life’ then what? 10 years out of the work force, barely a penny to rub and then what?

Maybe it’s because I’m a millennial but I’ve watched Gen X and baby boomers close enough to know unless your husband is super rich it’s best to have a vehicle to save for yourself. Feel free to spend his income and keep yours.

Keep your cv/resume going. Even if you have to set up your own firm. Don’t just take a massive gap on your cv and leave the work force.

It can be a true test of your livelihood and you should take that seriously.

[–]eyeletflowers 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She's in the UK. British women are heavily indoctrinated. Many of them have generous jobs with the government. Britain is essentially a feminist dystopia.

[–]AnotherRichard827379 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey OP. My mother faced the same thing when I was younger. Don’t let it bother you too much.

The best I can say is try to be involved with the school somehow, like PTA President and all that. It gives you something to do, allows you to give back to the community (which is a good rp woman quality ) and will make other parents kiss up to you (it worked for my mother).

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're worrying about the reactions of bluepilled career women who are jealous/confused by your archaic traditionalism. Don't. Anybody who excludes you based on who and what you are, and not on your acts, isn't worth your time.

[–]boobs_and_brains 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this jumps the gun a little. You don’t need to be a SAHM/SAHW to have traditional relationship dynamics- you can still want a job outside the home. Not all women (even red pilled women) want to be full time caregivers/mothers. I feel like this post comes off a bit judgemental towards the working mothers assuming they are either jealous or looking down on OP when it kind of sounds like OP is possibly judging them and making assumptions about their life situations more. But tone is often hard to interpret over text so I could be wrong.

[–]throwaway8768901[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you.

[–]TheLemming 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe not envying them is enough to attract their ire. Folks like this are usually not even worth the time of day.

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see a lot of people saying this. Thank you.

[–]DeLovehlyCoconute 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

They're so jealous of you omg. This is giggle worthy :3

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe, but honestly, after posting on here I have decided to let it go, completely. To each their own. As long as my little boy is happy and healthy, that’s all that matters.

[–]DeLovehlyCoconute 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww, I like your healthy outlook. At least this place allows us to vent.

[–]Sadlifeofsmalldick 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is pretty obvious, I've noticed that these days because of feminism ppl expect women to rise above gender roles and if someone is following gender roles he's considered as someone Living under stone but they don't realise everyone has their own freedom to choose their ways

[–]MekelLane 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Reminds me of the movie Mona Lisa Smile, at the end where the student tells off Julia Roberts character for espousing a woman's right to make their own choices, so long as she approved of them.

[–]MekelLane 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

They are jealous, they can't have it all, they can't have a successful career/job and make their own money and have those bigger houses, nicer cars, name brand things, and be a stay-at-home mom whose biggest stress is what to make for dinner. They were raised in an age where they were told they could have it all and that it felt better than being domestic.

[–]ArtThePersonVersion 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s actually an interesting episode of a TV show called blackish where the main mom is trying to convince other moms that she’s happy with her career choice all while having a breakdown at a party, it’s unfortunate that these other moms are treating you like that, nothing you can do it though.

[–]titlejunk 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m a housewife as well and don’t have kids in the house most of the time. I relate to your comment about dinner being the biggest stress in my life.

I have great friends who work full time or work weird hours or don’t work at all. One of the people I see most often is a retired neighbor.

These school mothers aren’t your friends and it doesn’t matter at all what they think of you. Find real friends and ignore them.

[–]throwaway8768901[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Funny you mention this because I am learning so much from the Irish lady next door. She’s an elderly woman who has a traditional role in the home. Such a lovely lady with grace and class. I learn a lot from her.

[–]Creammysnickers 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s not your problem. They should’ve done what they had to do like you did and made responsible choices..don’t feel bad lady. People will make you feel wrong for making the correct decisions just because they didn’t ..

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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