So, backstory for me so this makes any sense is I was raped twice as a teen. First was my first boyfriend that I wasn't willing to lose my virginity to so he just took it after over a year of us being a couple. Second was a male friend I had cried to about being raped. No alcohol or anything was involved, first time I was held down, second time I had a medical episode and was heavily sedated and he took advantage of that in my home whilst my parents were in the home.
I suffer with diagnosed PTSD as a result of this. For me this means I have nightmares, I am a little paranoid regarding men and I have many physical triggers my partner has to completely avoid, which I might add he does so brilliantly.
I had an extremely abusive upbringing, being bashed, whipped, told I was ugly and no one would ever want me, strangled, the list goes on. Siblings were also in on the abuse of me, of which I have 5.
The past few years I've had to come to terms with the reality that my mother isn't insane and can't therefore "be excused" for her behaviour, she's intentionally evil. So I cut her out of my life.
I have also worked hard to deal with my PTSD to the point I rarely have nightmares now.
Obviously, going into my relationship with my partner, he needed to be made aware of what he was getting himself into, especially regarding my PTSD. So, I told him all about what happened to me before we entered into a relationship so he could decide whether he was willing to accept that and work with me on it.
However, having been so open with him and him being so understanding and accepting, he became my venting outlet. Whenever I'd have a nightmare or be reminded by some new unpleasant thing a sibling did of my childhood abuse, I would talk for hours to him about my memories, feelings, etc. He would listen and comfort me, much to his credit, and I am truly thankful he has been so wonderful regarding all this.
I completely did not consider how draining it must be to listen to someone you care about talk about such awful things all the time. Until one day it just suddenly hit me and I felt terrible. I've been working over the past year or so to stop talking about that stuff unless some new information comes up. I've noticed it has much improved the mood of our relationship, he sounds drained significantly less often.
I was wondering if anyone else has any insight on this kind of behaviour, tips on how to curb it, any personal experience with this behaviour, etc. I'd be interested to hear opinions on my behaviour specifically also.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.