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"Thank you for all that you do, it doesn't go unnoticed"

March 23, 2019

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about my husband not feeling quite himself. Here is the post:

Basically, he told me that he was feeling an anger inside, and wasn't enjoying our time all together as a family (baby and toddler).

After reflecting and speaking more about it; I realised that it was his issue to work on by himself, rather than anything I had done. I simply just made sure to be mindful in keeping our home a soft landing place for him, listened whenever he wanted to talk, gave advice only when he asked, and made sure that he had space and time to himself.

To be honest, at times I felt frustrated with him. Still, I (almost) never showed this - and instead chose to show grace, patience, and love.

The other day, he told me "thank you for all that you do, it doesn't go unnoticed", and couldn't stop staring in my eyes and telling me how wonderful I am. He is feeling much better (of course it will take time), and it's lovely that he is being more open with me about how he's feeling. Yesterday, he spoke to me all evening about some work difficulties. It wasn't exactly my dream evening, but I knew that he really needed that, so just sat and listened. Of course I'm far from perfect, but have really been trying my best.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied on that thread, as it really did help me. I hope that this post isn't too off-topic or anything, I just wanted to give a little update :).

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Post Information
Title "Thank you for all that you do, it doesn't go unnoticed"
Author Theflowerswillbloom
Upvotes 117
Comments 16
Date March 23, 2019 7:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]transdermalcelebrity25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Wow, that’s how you know you did the right thing. What a great result. It doesn’t mean all the problems stop, but you guys are building a great stable ground that will help him gain strength and coping and help you gain strength and the ability to focus on your own deal and not be dragged down when he’s sinking.

-Been in the exact same scenario.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, I am so pleased that I have learnt how to best help my husband. I still mess up sometimes, but he knows that I truly try my best and really appreciates that.

[–]transdermalcelebrity2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don’t think of it as messing up. Otherwise he too is “messing up” and I don’t think applying that context you both actually helps anything. Some things work and some things don’t. We have good days and bad days. Some days we grow together and others we grow a little apart.

The point is that adulting is hard, really damn hard. You are a human trying to make it work with another human who is struggling. The best thing you can do is always work on your own improvement and getting stronger (and hope that inspires him -and any children- to do the same). But you’re not always going to be having your best day and that’s very normal. Let yourself be human. Humans are messy. It’s ok. Then when you’re ready you get right back on the wagon and keep at it.

Some of our worst days were when our daughter was an infant. It was just really hard, his depression was high, and we had no guidance or good influences in our lives. Our daughter is 12 and this year has been full of some of our best days (and we’ve been together 26 years). And yes, we both still fall from time to time. He especially goes through periods of struggle. But I keep going so he does too and we get past those times quicker.

So at least from my perspective, there is a path through this.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for this reply, it's lovely hearing your wisdom.

[–]MicrotusOchrogaster10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You are a good woman, and extremely good woman and you are receiving the praise you deserve from him. I have learnt a lot from your handling of this situation, and never would’ve handled it this skilfully myself - I would’ve reacted to all my insecurities instead of holding strong. This could’ve escalated into a bigger problem, I feel, if you hadn’t behaved how you did. Everyone is allowed to feel trapped under the weight of responsibility and lack of freedom, like your husband did, but now he seems to feel heard, supported, loved even when his thoughts aren’t politically correct. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a man who would do anything to support your wellbeing in return.

[–]MissNietzsche5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree. OP is a strong woman, and I don't think I myself could have pulled off something like that, at least, not in my current state. I would have probably just said, well if you want to leave, then leave. She is definitely someone for us to look up to.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure that I don't deserve such kind words, thank you so much.

Earlier in our marriage, I know that I wouldn't have responded in this way. But acting on my insecurities would have just made it all about me, when what my husband needed was the opposite. He does so much for us, and I'm thankful that I have learnt over time how best to support him. I still have much to learn and develop, but so pleased that I have the knowledge I do.

[–]MissNietzsche7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is an amazing manifestation of RPW. Seriously. Keep it up. There literally could not be a better result, and you could not be doing a better job at handling this obstacle. Thank you for updating us.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you :)

[–]Yvarle6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing your experience with our community; both asking for advice and sharing your take away and pay off. I know I can learn from your experience and will apply it to my relationship with my captain. It is so hard to find like minded women these days.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you very much. I am so pleased to have found this sub, as I agree that it is really hard to find others to relate to on issues like this.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love a happy ending ♡ thanks for updating!

[–]HarshaCity1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The problem might reoccur so I'm leaving my opinion just in case. It might help.

I think that he's feeling that he's not getting rewarded enough for what he does. That could be because he's desensitized to what he already has (A life that's put together, loving wife and kids), or because he's dealing with some kind of depression, or he's being over stressed at work to the point that his efforts are exceeding the rewards. I think it's the latter.

Even if it's his issue to deal with, try to figure out what the problem really is, because the best management with a husband who's depressed is a bit different from that with a husband who is overworked.

[–]Theflowerswillbloom[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you for your reply - after we have spoken about things, I do think that work has been getting to him recently. I find that he tells himself that everything is okay and he's fine, but really it isn't, then he cracks and feels very stressed. It's happened a few times in our relationship, so it's wise for me to be aware of this and how I can best help him.

[–]HarshaCity2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Work can really be too much. Think about supporting his choice of changing jobs if he ever considers that.

Best of luck.

[–]fairydust910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's so great! I love RPW for teaching me to STFU every now and then 😂😂😂 sometimes the best thing to do is leave them be and they come find you when they're ready to talk.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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