~ archived since 2018 ~

“Thank you for making me feel like a king”

November 5, 2019

Only about 10 days into the RPW lifestyle and my husband said this last night! This was in response to having dinner on the table, dessert in the cake stand, and a cute dress on when he got home.

BUT I will add that I’ve always sort of done these things but WITH A BAD ATTITUDE. It’s not going to make anyone feel good when they are served a home cooked meal with big sighs of annoyance and a sour face. Now that my eyes are open, I’m constantly cringing at things I’ve said and done in the past.

Now, if anyone could lend me some jaws of life to freaking force me to STFU.. especially when it comes to in law stuff - that would be great. 😬

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Post Information
Title “Thank you for making me feel like a king”
Author topfop
Upvotes 238
Comments 25
Date November 5, 2019 8:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]W0zzynix 62 points63 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Congrats on your progress! Keeping my mouth shut is something I struggle with too. What I've found helpful is to ask myself questions before saying something that may cause issue: Is it helpful, is it productive, is it kind, can I word this more tactfully? It takes a lot of practice, you'll surely slip up from time to time as do we all. But the more you make it a habit the easier itll become.

[–]topfop[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! Those are great tips. I will definitely try to ask myself those questions going forward!

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba- 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

On behalf of husbands everywhere, Thank You!

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No petting the unicorns.

[–]lilacgirl_ 12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yay that is awesome! What kinds of cute dress do you like wearing around the house? I think I need to shop around for new house dresses. I tend to mostly wear leggings and a cute casual top at home but it’s nice to change things up. Anyway keep up the great work :)

[–]topfop[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You know, I have a lot of sun dresses from over the years so I mostly wear those. I also love and collect vintage aprons so like to do fun color combos with those!

[–]lilacgirl_ 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That sounds cute! I will look into aprons. 😀

[–]topfop[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve found my favorites at antique shops at usually $5 max and all darling!

[–]hattiehalloran 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is a lot to said about mindfulness of tasks. A good way of making dishes more pleasant, for example, could be to listen to podcasts while you do it, but so too is enjoying the smell of the soap, the feeling of the warm water, the visible sense of accomplishment which dish you complete.

Going into tasks with a bad attitude can make it so much worse.

[–]MissNietzsche 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so happy for you! I can't believe you saw results so quickly! Keep up with it!

[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

STFU will get easier with time; in fact, the more results you see with adopting a red pill attitude, the less STFU you have to do!

[–]topfop[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! That’s encouraging and such a good life lesson anyway in being mature and thinking before I speak... or not speak. Lol

[–]vodkalimesoda1 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey. You’re awesome. There’s a girl who makes me feel like this (i’m a male) and I wasn’t sure if or how to put it in words. I will let her know. Good on you.

[–]JessTheGardener 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And thank you for wanting to let your lady know how much she means to you. "Words of affirmation" is my love language, so I always get such a high when I 'actually' know the good things that go inside my man's head

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I do not like the idea of "shutting the duck up", it brings up the idea that a partner will always have more power over the other and it is not true.

Growing up with a mother that does the STFU, I disagree with this mentality. If one has to STFU around their spouse, that's not a relationship I see I see as healthy.

Anyway, regardless if my disagreement, I do wish you happiness OP.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

STFU is great for when your feelings and thoughts are a mess. In stead of the emotional reactivity situation (that can easily get out of hand), take some time to gather your thoughts. Approach whatever is wrong in a calm and collected, non-dysfunctional, constructive way.

It's not about being a doormat.

Sure you can cry on his shirt, but if he is the reason for your tears, that is likely to lead to defensiveness and needless drama.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

If he is the reason for my tears and the communication is so disfunctional, I would reconsider the relationship alltogether ( the issues are not one sided) and take separation / break. If a woman gets defensive and needs to STFU, she either does not respect her partner or she is being disrespected.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Let me give you an easier example.

If I'm exhausted, some stupid little thing (bought me the wrong kind of chocolate) can make me break down in frustration. But if I am that worn out, I usually do not see it as fatigue, I see it as solid proof he hates me. Takes a few minutes for me to see sense. I don't take out all the drama on him like "WHY DID YOU BUY BRAND X WHEN YOU KNOW BLABLA WHINE NAG", which would only get me a "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COMPLAINING WHEN I AM LITERALLY HANDING YOU CHOCOLATE?!" If he were to be equally exhausted. And in practice, those high stress seasons in life are usually mutual (because babies scream at everyone and we all lack sleep and try to spread the burden of whatever needs doing).

Instead I STFU, regroup, and let him know I need some down time and could he put the kids to bed so I can take a hot bath please.

If he does something actually wrong, it's also good to STFU and consider it from more perspectives before just blindly bringing it up. Important things deserve a thoughtful approach.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I see it as solid proof he hates me

Are you that naive to believe that?

I need some down time and could he put the kids to bed

Duck that chocolate, kids need to be put to bed. Who has time to make a drama before the source of stress is over? I would be more stressed about him having a hard time doing that while in the same fatigue sate as me than over a chocolate. Also, why not buy multiple bars by yourself so you make sure you do not run out?

Like, the stuff you mention can be arranged if she knows what she wants and gets it herself. A woman that knows the sources of her stress would get a whole package of chocolate.

(because babies scream at everyone

And screaming back at someone that is just as tired as you is equally immature. This happens when there is no schedule between partners. As I said, it goes back to something being one sided.

I can take a hot bath please

You can take a bath knowing your husband is struggling? It is not fair that if both are stressed, only one gets to relax.

Important things deserve a thoughtful approach

This is common sense and not some miraculous "STFU" method. We reached the immaturity point we need to give common sense glamorous names now?


I do understand what you mean, but the situation you described can be arranged beforehand.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

LOL I might have twisted the story a bit for entertainment purpose, I don't actually think my husband hates me or that there's a wrong kind of chocolate.

I could continue the story and invent many ways in which one would be incapable of arranging their own chocolate and why a bath would be totally fair, and I'd love to but am on the clock a little bit.

But uhm, yeah. Common sense - so rare it's a goddamn superpower. Most people feel absolutely entitled to throw out all their negative thoughts and feelings unfiltered at a partner. It gets ugly. STFU method is good for those who are in an emotional state thinking they're 100% right and he should just... (X). I know very few couples that aren't mostly made of emotional reactivity stitched together by covert contracts.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I might have twisted the story a bit for entertainment purpose

No worries, no bad feelings here. It is funny how we discover that people we disagree with can be actually agreeable dudes. Instance: how the tone differs in the previous and current comment. ^ ^

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You calling me a dude, bro?!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I do not want to assume no one's gender.

Edit: wait, I missed the joke, didn't I? Laugh at this too, please.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You go, girl! ;-)

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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