I know there have been quite a few posts about this, but I wanted to share my story. I have been hyper feminine my entire life, but always felt ashamed of my femininity. Growing up, both my parents were engineers (how cool is it to have a mom as an engineer though??) and my sister was a tomboy for as long as I could remember. I come from a relatively conservative Asian family that views femininity as hypersexualization. For example, none of my aunts were allowed to have long hair and they were all married before they could date. I always felt this weird animosity about my femininity - I could tell they wanted to be feminine but they couldn’t express it. They were kind of in awe by my femininity but I was relentlessly gossiped about (they predicted I was the highest risk of becoming a pregnant teenager).
Aside from my upbringing, my friends were mainly staunch feminists, even when I joined a sorority in college. I was still probably the most hyper feminine one in my sorority. Most girls dismissed feminine colors and girly stuff as a way for men to infantilize women. I totally believed that so I tried to dress more grungy in black...well that didn’t work at all!!!!!!
Fast forward to work...I’m four years into my career and I get a new job. This girl at work is a super try hard type of girl that tries to be one of the boys (even says she wishes she was born a boy but don’t worry she has no trans inclinations; she’s just an attention seeker). She tells people she looks like a little boy but she’s actually a closeted hyper feminine too (I can totally tell) but is super ashamed. She starts shaming me for being girly. Constantly telling me “I wish I could be girly like you bc boys like that but I just couldn’t.” Making comments about how I dress (“wow you look so girly today.” In a disgusted tone). Ridiculing me for having really girly items and decorating my desk with pics and plants (nothing fancy).
Finding this sub literally flipped a switch in my brain. I finally felt like it was OKAY to be feminine. It sounds really weird because I tried to talk to one of my friends about this who I thought had the same feelings but she kinda gave me a o_O response. I don’t know if I’m victimizing myself. Regardless, I’ve embraced that I LOVE pastels, I want a strong man, I love poodles, I want to look attractive, I want to be a poised, womanly person, etc. I’m SO TIRED of putting on a feminist display (although I do believe women should be respected and have equal rights, but gender roles are not a bad thing as long as they’re not assumed!!!) and I’m tired of muting the color palette in my wardrobe so I appear “cool” and “boyish” or gender neutral.
My boyfriend has actually really supported me buying more girly stuff and being more girly in general, so I owe partial thanks to him.
It just feels so refreshing to be in a community where being feminine and possessing feminine qualities (like taking care of yourself and practicing restraint and high standards) is a GOOD THING!
Thank you for making me feel more comfortable in my own skin.