The Consequences of Pornography

2019-12-12T08:56:54+00:00

It infuriates me that porn is so normalized. I made a comment once that I don’t allow my 11 year old unsupervised access to YouTube. I was told that I was too strict and he needs to learn how to navigate that stuff eventually. Um no - not at 11. There’s studies about how young kids are finding porn. No thanks. We are incredibly diligent in guarding our kids minds. If they get to be 18 and want to see it - fine. We’ve talked to our boys about how sex is like fire. In a controlled burn it provides warmth and safety; out of control- it destroys.

My concern is also for how prevalent and deep porn goes in the amount of time it takes to press enter on a search bar. A Victoria’s Secret catalog or Sports Illustrated swim suit edition or even a Playboy aren’t harmless, BUT those are so mild compared to the depth of depravity online. It isn’t good for developing brains. And I am not convinced that telling yourself “this isn’t real life” works. Consciously you may think you believe that. But I can’t see how watching pornography on a regular basis wouldn’t help shape some core beliefs about sex. We don’t want our children watching excessive advertisements or overly violent material for fear it instills values that aren’t good. But porn? Go ahead...

My husband had a porn addiction when we was a teenager so he is much more outspoken on this than I am. He hates the idea of our kids being swept up in that. He said it changed his view of women and the first year of our marriage was working through issues with that.

PreciousMuffn · 2019-12-12T06:00:04+00:00

I lost my first marriage to porn/sex addiction. Never knew what was going on until 4 years into our marriage and he had a physical affair based on fantasy and it all started coming out. We’d been sexual while dating (he was long distance in the military but we saw each other every other weekend), but the sex felt completely carnal and he even told me he didn’t know how to combine sex and love. He showed love through cuddles and service.

As cliche as it sounds, he literally stopped opening doors for me the day after our wedding, and sex depleted to about 4 times per month despite me wanting it nearly daily. I couldn’t fathom why a 22 yr old couple wasn’t having crazy newly wed sex. A month after marriage he had his first emotional affair, though the object of his desire had no idea. A year later another one - same story, though that one lasted about 8 months. Then the full on affair where he was convinced he was going to run off with this woman and start not only a family (he was staunchly childfree) but one with an autistic or otherwise disabled child bc she worked with them and wanted one herself (not by adopting either!!!). He finally realized how F’ed up he was the evening he moved out and called it off with her and begged me to reconcile.

Somehow we made it - after A LOT of work and therapy and 12 steps. Our sex life was never “normal” because he could never be turned on by pleasing me which created another cycle of shame and embarrassment for him. He had to control how he got off and when he could initiate sex. Spoiler alert... it was still about 4-5 times per month. But I was supportive because he was following through on his promises. We made it another 5.5 years before he fell back into secrets and developed such an unhealthy fantasy/affair that he lost everything and nearly killed himself. It was all for nought anyway because she left him after he lost his job.

I would never wish anyone to go through that... the constant rejection and confusion... watching the person you love struggle with shame and low self esteem who wants to stop yet doesn’t/can’t. The isolation from others because finding people who understand and that can listen without judgment is slim. It’s easier for people alienate them and call them names. I still have fondness for my ex, but by God am i finally glad to be free. He started looking at porn at about 12 and it escalated over the years.

Realizing how dysfunctional our sex life was after being with partners who were the polar opposite was mind shattering. I no longer think porn is “normal” or “acceptable,” despite realizing not everyone gets addicted. But it’s not for me or my relationship. My SO and I both agree all of our sexual and romantic energy is reserved for each other and it makes SUCH a difference.

My heart goes out for those struggling - and partners of those struggling. It’s a silent predator that’s creating a huge problem for younger generations to truly connect to each other and not just objectify the other person.

ChaosDigits · 2019-12-12T06:08:49+00:00

Children really shouldn't be online or have any, and I mean any social media accounts. Hell they shouldn't have online enabled devices until at least age 12 or 13. Once they have these devices and accounts its game over. I am sure glad I am old enough to have been raised in a time without internet and all the societal growing pains it brought along.

2019-12-13T20:49:13+00:00

This post has drawn a lot of traffic for this sub over the past day. This is significant, and should be worth pondering for any readers here.

There have been many documented instances of shills from the porn industry spamming on Reddit, as well as going into critical threads and doing damage control. This has become quite pronounced since the NoFap movement took off.

I believe we may have one of these shills here, in this thread, trying to sow discord, and defuse criticism for the porn industry.

My wife has been going back and forth with another poster who has been engaging in heavy sophistry in his comments. He jumps around in his views, and really the only thing he stays consistent on is "Porn good. Everyone should watch it. Uncritically and always."

I spent some time going through his post history and found several inconsistencies. His religious beliefs change based on the sub he's arguing on, and only seem to exist to encourage vice, immorality, hedonism, and sociopathic behavior in others.

What's even stranger, is this is his first visit to RPW. He's not engaging in other posts on RPW. He also has never posted on PPD, TRP, or any other sub related to or competing with RPW.

So what brings him here? He has been unusually engaged on this particular post for someone that just casually wandered in.

u/My_POSH_Reddit_Acct says he is a sysadmin. I wonder exactly which websites his IT work is associated with.

PwincessStepford · 2019-12-12T03:41:54+00:00

Yep. I can’t even orgasm with a man, and I suspect it’s partly due to me watching porn everyday since the age of 12. I am 100% porn-free now while in a relationship, and I wouldn’t want to live any other way. Now that I’m unplugged, I can’t believe how normalized it is.

streckeri · 2019-12-12T03:51:51+00:00

I [21m] was long addicted to pornography. Not 24/7 or anything, but I was dependent enough where I couldn't stop. I first saw porn when I was about 10, and when I got an ipod touch at around 14 years old it opened the floodgates for me to explore any and every fantasy I had about women. It wasn't until I was 19 that I realized the weight of my problem and quit, though not on my own power it seems.

I don't think women understand the weight of the issue that pornography has had on men in our culture. Partly the reason for this is that they are completely surrounded by porn and lust addicted men, and seldom meet men who are not impeded by the symptoms of porn addiction.

Women have to understand that porn addiction completely hijacks a man's senses and sexual drive. It funnels all their sexual energy to be constantly wasted at their will, and because of the opiate level dopamine hits that we receive from porn, it is very difficult to stop. I think most men who have struggled to quit porn have realized this, but at some point in the withdrawal stage you realize that the stimulus porn has on the brain is far too powerful to contend with. Porn takes our fundamental sexual drive to have intimate long-term relationships, and replaces it with a cheap outlet that leads to weakened immunity, lower testosterone, neurotic mindset, and depleted vital energy sources. It has hard to explain, but most men can relate that porn brings a very real and dark energy into your life, keeping you in a state that you might not even be aware of until you start to quit.

I can go on about the effects of porn, and how alarmingly important it is to discuss this topic publicly. But you women can help us men by both raising your standards and maybe by encouragement. It is sad to see how deeply porn has effected marriages, and how women give up in despair at their dead inside porn induced husbands. Women need to demand a level of maturity and discipline from men. Ever wonder why the false assumption of "porn is normal" or "porn is OK" is perpetrated by certain social media groups? Because men don't want to take responsibility for their sexuality, and find it much easier to tell you "we were made this way and there is nothing you can do about it". However, young men who have been able to conquer their porn habit will raise their bar for women as well. These men - and there are many of them - realize the value in traditional and healthy relationships, and look for women with most of the qualities advocated for on this sub.

Also, to any moms reading this with young kids, I don't think it is possible for you to guard your kids from internet porn. It is too fast and powerful of a temptation to avoid. The more you "shelter" them, the less able they will be to avoid it when they first encounter porn. Making a conscious effort to not watch porn is a battle that all men and boys need to fight by themselves, and will be one of the hardest challenges they will ever face. Help them understand the weight of the damage porn has and how important self-restraint is for their well-being.

2019-12-12T03:17:21+00:00

THIS. THANK YOU. I will not even consider a relationship with a man if he is still involved in a porn addiction or watches porn at all for the sake of my future marriage and future kids. As the head of the household, he must be an example and a leader. I fully agree with everything you’ve said. Thank you, once again, for bringing this to light.

Edit: You should write a blog! I’d totally read it! :)

2019-12-13T21:02:57+00:00

Just chiming in from the gay perspective. Porn has been part of a very destructive cycle for me. Not abstinent from it yet, but it’s definitely on the agenda as a vice to give up completely.

I think the main concern is childhood and adolescent exposure to it. Porn should not be accessible to young people. There has been no effort from the porn industry to protect children and no legal enforcement. If you owned a brick and mortar porn shop and let kids in, no one would blame the parents, they’d arrest you and shut down the shop. But for some reason with internet porn providers the onus is entirely on the parent or individual child? I say we fine and shut down every website any time we can prove a child accessed it. They’ll figure out a technical solution right quick.

manscap · 2019-12-12T03:54:26+00:00

As a guy that started watching it by accident at age 11, it just sets you up for failure. I can't believe something harmful like porn is available and pushed everywhere on the internet. I gave it up a few years ago and yet I still get cravings for it. I worry for the future dudes. This kind of potentially highly addictive stimulation shouldn't be so easily available. A guy should have to go through hurdles and mountains to look at it, pay a ton of money and risk getting viruses and ruin his computer, to get access. It should be dark web stuff, not something your 11 year old son can hear at school from someone, type the word into google and then be caught in a dopamine rush addiction to women 20 or 30 years older doing things to men he shouldn't know about until he's much older.

It baffles me that it's normal. And I know it's contributed a lot to hook up culture, which I also can't stand. It's a real shame this is the world we live in now.

missylizzy · 2019-12-12T03:37:33+00:00

Great post.

Many males are now suffering ED in their teens!!

I am so thankful I found a man who chooses not to watch porn in our relationship (unless we are having fun together).

It makes a world of difference in our sex life. It makes me feel more beautiful and more motivated to continue to be beautiful for him.

People can do whatever they want, but I see how different it is being with a man who watches porn and one who does not. It is amazingly different.

bellsandbutterflies · 2019-12-12T11:43:41+00:00

Thank you for this.

My high school boyfriend couldn’t orgasm during sex. At all. His porn addiction was so severe that he would end up masturbating until the skin on his penis was raw, cracked and bleeding and he ended up developing scar tissue.

ihearthandbags · 2019-12-12T18:36:01+00:00

maybe i missed it but at what point is it considered an addiction? what factors are used to draw the line?

vintagegirlgame · 2019-12-15T22:02:16+00:00

I’m worried about my fiancé’s addiction to “insta-porn.” He follows all these slutty Instagram models and spends a lot of time scrolling his feed all throughout the day. There’s a lot of times where he’s just frozen in a trance and scrolling and the blank look on his face scares me. Sadly it seems somewhat “normal” for ppl to spend time looking at social media, but I can see how it has negative effects on him. I try to snap him out of it but I don’t like to be a nag and treat him like a child either.

When he does watch porn to masturbate, it’s a different scenario. He doesn’t do it too often, but when he does it’s for hours at a time because the longer he goes the more intense his orgasm is. I can’t stand porn and I don’t like to watch it with him anymore. When we first started dating I had never watched porn w a man before so it was new and exciting, but in the end I just found it distasteful and fake and can’t get into it. It’s a debated issue in our relationship because he wishes I would participate with him w porn but I just don’t want to have anything to do with it. This also leads him to feel judged and causes a ripple of negative affects in our relationship :(

2019-12-15T04:41:52+00:00

I am the poster of said thread and there are no words to explain how much I appreciate this. Thank you to the ends of the earth, all my love

bluntbutnottoo · 2019-12-12T04:59:33+00:00

I'm a teen librarian, meaning I work with teens and media and I've been saying many of these things for years and getting scoffs and condescending "oh, you'll understand when you have kids" comments in response. Now, it seems, people are finally starting to see that this is a real problem, as young men and women are struggling with porn addictions and the primary consequence is personal relationships.

When my husband and I were dating, I told him that he could do whatever he wished as a sexual outlet, before we were sexually active. After that, however, I wasn't comfortable with him looking at porn. That was four years ago. To this day, we do not watch porn, not together and not separately and we know this because we have an open technology arrangement. There is simply too much risk to the marriage to gamble introducing porn. Pornography destroys lives.

DigitalDog0001 · 2019-12-12T14:21:34+00:00

Thank you. I believe all of this to be true

I once felt it was harmless..even beneficial to watch porn. (Hey...I'm a man..I have needs...it's better than cheating, right?) that was my rationale as to why it was a "good alternative"

I'm not ready to share right now how it's hurt, but it has.

Thank you. Well thought out and well said.

kittxxn · 2019-12-12T20:21:30+00:00

If we're looking at the Consequences of pornography, perhaps it is worth also considering the motivations of the people creating pornography.

Al Goldstein, one of the most prolific pornographers of the 20th century, in his own words:

"The only reason that Jews are in pornography is that we think that Christ sucks. Catholicism sucks. We don't believe in authoritarianism."

Ford also asked, "Do you believe in God?" Goldstein said, "I believe in me. I'm God. Screw God. God is your need to believe in some super being. I am the super being. I am your God, admit it. We're random. We're the flea on the butt of the dog."

Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Goldstein

Look into the personal statements of virtually everyone involved in the industry from a funding and production standpoint and you will notice an identical pattern of motivations and sentiments.

It boggles the mind that people would defend as harmless an industry that exists - in the words of the people behind it - explicitly for the damage it does and destruction it causes.

2019-12-12T12:13:55+00:00

While I think there are a lot of negative consequences of pornography, I think a person's reaction to it is highly individual. Someone who has problems with addiction or problems separating reality from media and has unrealistic expectations is going to be impacted a lot worse by it than someone who doesn't have those issues. Like anything else it takes self knowledge and moderation to not let it become an unhealthy fixation and habit, like you mentioned even something like food can have disastrous effects on someone's life if they are predisposed to certain behaviors.

That said, what bothers me the most about porn now is not knowing whether or not the people involved are human trafficking victims, which is highly likely. Even if they aren't, they're almost certainly victims of some sort of abuse because I find it very hard to believe that mentally healthy people would look to doing porn as a viable career and something that wouldn't effect them negatively in the long run.

ImSuchaFanboyImSorry · 2019-12-12T20:28:18+00:00

It's great that not just communities of men, but also communities of women are now realizing the very real and very encompassing danger of pornography. Porn is so widely spread in society nowadays that it is even common to make jokes about certain topics that are often seen in pornography, without anyone ever raising a brow. Most of this is not even due to the insidious social media presence of many porn producers, but also due to an inherent weakness in man and woman, born out of mere lust, exagerrated and twisted a thousand times into the perverted structures of pronography and other modern-day erotic institutions. The porn problem is not merely a problem of our times, but it is a problem that has existed for a long time, a problem of general morals and virtues, which are not unique to a large part of the population and have broken down more and more in the modern age due to erosion of the powers of the family, the middle class and the church. A solution for this problem therefore, must not limit itself purely to the realm of sex and relationships, but causes and answers are to be sought in a variety of areas affected by a decline in moral and virtuous behaviour.

loneliness-inc · 2019-12-12T19:12:17+00:00

The fundamental question here is: are people free to live their lives as they choose or should there be an authority to tell them how to live their lives?

In other words: what has greater value, freedom or stability?

If you are going to restrict porn because of the potential damage two potential users, then you ought to restrict alcohol, sugary foods, drugs and any other potentially harmful vices. If we live in a society that values freedom, then everyone is free to live their lives as they see fit even if they make bad choices.

Getting into the actual issue of porn: if you take issue with porn for men, then by the same token oh, you ought to take issue with social media for women.

Regarding children however, yes, ultimately you cannot expect anyone other than yourselves to raise your own children. You and only you are responsible to teach your children how to navigate this world. The government, Society, Google, big Tech, or anyone else cannot and will not do a good job raising your children. The buck stops with you, because you and only you are responsible for their well-being.

But with regards to adults, it porn gives men unrealistic and unreasonable images and sexual variety. So too, does social media give women unrealistic and unreasonable ideas and expectations with regards to what her man can and should do for her. This fuels her hypergamy into thinking that there is something better out there for her. This can have a negative effect on her jealousy of other women, her desire for other men and her nagging or desire to nag her current men to step up his game to meet her new unrealistic an unreasonable desires.

So whatever your opinion is with regards to men and porn should also be your opinion with regards to women and social media. With regards to children, look up Jonathan Haidt and his findings regarding teenagers - specifically female teenagers - and the horrible effects of social media on them.

You can be pro or against porn, I don't care. All I do care about is that you be consistent in your opinions. This isn't an accusation against you personally, just a general observation about people who are strongly opposed to porn for men by the are okay with social media for women despite the damage that it causes for similar reasons.

SIMCARUS · 2019-12-12T20:44:05+00:00

I can see this going the same way prohibition did. A grassroots movement of anti Pornography crusaders, leading the nations of the world into a Prohibition against it. Forcing everything on to the dark Web, and increasing that into human trafficking. Just like the good old days and we all see how well that worked out.

kittxxn · 2019-12-12T15:23:26+00:00

Anything that gives us dopamine hits is addictive.

Not true - unless you have some peer reviewed research I am not aware of. If you do - I would love to read it. I have a PubMed subscription so I am not worried about a paywall.

But - back to the main topic. Info: My wife and I have been together over 31 years. We are both in our late fifties. I am cis gendered and 100% heterosexual, wife is bisexual.

We watch porn together and have for years. It has given us some really interesting ideas :) But it has never become an addiction for either of us. We have a "I would much rather be having sex than watching it" attitude. The only time I think it becomes an issue for adults is when porn and masturbation are negatively affecting your IRL sex life.

Nice post OP. Interesting.

MrMathamagician · 2019-12-13T01:41:12+00:00

Thankyou for bringing this topic up in a serious way.

I don’t think this topic can or should be talked about in isolation without talking about society’s general hatred of male’s sexuality and the criminalization of male sexual advances that used to be common flirting, or mating rituals.

Also women don’t understand testosterone and shouldn’t think they do any more than a man understands PMS or having a period.

The reality male sexual energy has to go somewhere so your options are:

-pornography -prostitution -widespread promiscuity -young marriages where the woman accepts that a large part of the social contract is for the woman to be sexually available as much as practical -a very conservatively dressed society where woman may not dress provocatively in order to not set off a population of sexually repressed men

Those are the only options I can think of. Teaching men to feel shame about sexual desire leads to a more screwed up society than one where the society accepts men’s sexuality.

2019-12-24T21:32:05+00:00

Excellent post, OP. Thank you for taking the time to write this.

that-one-guy68 · 2019-12-30T22:07:53+00:00

Hi only 14 here but it really is a struggle to try and stop but its like a grasp on some people not letting them go and that's how I feel I just feel like I can't escape it because its the easiest thing due to the internet so all I need is help and my pther people do to

sebastianconcept · 2019-12-12T17:35:59+00:00

Yes and the natural physical limitations of passing/not-passing the hypergamic filters and keeping the dick hard are things that pussy doesn't have. Hence you have this Pandora's box already opened https://delicioustacos.com/2013/12/10/these-kids-today/

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-12-13T19:19:21+00:00

Children getting addicted to porn is bad, and is a sign of bad parenting.

Adults getting addicted to porn is a sign of a weak mind to begin with. If it wasn’t porn it would be something else equally, or more destructive than porn (alcohol, drugs, etc.). These people are not saveable by stricter enforcement or heightened awareness, they will always just get addicted to something else in its place.

Fighting against porn (made and consumed by adults) in general is a losing battle.

I admire your passion, but most men watch porn, and most men don’t have these problems you’re mentioning. Increase in diagnosis doesn’t necessarily mean increase in occurance. Often times with things like this it’s either more of an increase in awareness or decrease in stigmatization than an actual increase in occurance.

rammerplex · 2019-12-12T06:04:59+00:00

No man would watch porn if a woman was catching his attention. Just be attentive and available and this is not a problem. If being attentive and available is not possible, then the relationship is over, move on.

2019-12-14T00:48:23+00:00

There's a few things I don't like about this but I understand your points

Firstly, women are the providers of this porn. Do you blame drug epidemics on the people using them or the manufacturers? Women consent and provide pornographic material to people online. They make their own premium snapchats and onlyfans accounts. And yet enmasse we blame men for following their natural instincts and temptations.

There was a time where women held the sanctity of their bodies. Mothers would tell daughters to dress with class and women saved themselves for their husbands. Its women who defected from those ideals and give themselves away for free. They are the root of this issue. An addict is just going to keep going back as long as his dealer is there. If women actually want to see men valuing them more they have to treat their bodies as valuable. I'm not a tradcon saying we should go back to the fifties, but guys won't feel like it would be special to see a girl naked when that same girl has bikini photos on Instagram, goes to concerts wearing a one piece or a gstring, or even makes outright porn.

Alcohol is killing 3 million people a year, should we ban alcohol? There are many vices in this world that prevent people from operating normally. People can have healthy relationships with certain vices. It isn't a zero sum game. Most boys don't even like women until they see one naked for the first time and build an attraction towards them. I didn't even know why the hell id even want to talk to a girl until I saw Sasha Grey my first time and that's how it goes for most men.

Anyways, this is a long way of saying not everyone is addicted, but if you actually want to solve the issues that pornography causes you need to get to the root of the problem. The mindset of women creating the porn and sexualizing their bodies in the first place.

Title	The Consequences of Pornography
Author	kittxxn
Upvotes	223
Comments	182
Date	December 12, 2019 2:40 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/the-consequences-of-pornography.298886 https://theredarchive.com/post/298886
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e9hjon/the_consequences_of_pornography/