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The existence of all red pill ideology highlights one big issue: Why do we tell people looks/money/personality type doesn't matter when it does?

April 26, 2021

We want to believe that life is fair.

We want to believe that the things you can't control don't matter.

But life is a game. Human brains have biases that can easily be exploited if you play your cards right. Women who are young and beautiful are rewarded. Men who are rich and powerful are rewarded. Everyone else is generally left to the wayside: the old, the weak, the poor.

You're good-looking? You're rich? You're friendly? You're a good person! You are a superhero!

You're ugly? You're poor? Not socially adept? You won't socially succeed as well as your peers.

Sure, there are exceptions and complexities to all of this that I don't fully understand. Exceptions are not rules. I see so many posts on certain subreddits saying that rich and beautiful people are secretly shallow and unhappy. I'm sure some of them are, but the majority of them are good people that get to reap the benefits of being the ideal, and average people just attack them to feel better about themselves. To feel that life is fair. Yet the average can't help but admire, because they are playing the game right. There are people that exist who have it all, they are just born that way. There are some who will never have it all, and they are just born that way.

I know when you are born, life doesn't "owe" us anything. I just wish we didn't tell people to just "be yourself" and the good things will come because this simply is not the truth. You can be a "version" of yourself that matches more closely to the ideal, an ideal that is constantly evolving, but you are still changing yourself. We all have to whether we like it or not.

You can't opt-out of this game because humans crave the acceptance of others. They need it to survive.

It all just seems like one big sick evolutionary game. Men cannot be themselves. Women cannot be themselves. People cannot be themselves, it is not advantageous to do so.

Of course, then there is the argument of defining what even the "self" is in the first place. A discussion that probably belongs on the philosophy subreddit.

Closing note: So, what is the point of all this? I am not sure, I am just thinking. Though I don't really love that this is the way the world works, I am fully aware that this is a system I CHOOSE to participate in, one that I will be a part of for the rest of my life. I could easily just save enough money to go live on a wireless ranch for the rest of my life. I don't want to sound like I am whining, I am constantly trying to improve myself every day. I am simply reconciling with the harsh truths of reality. I'm not sure how I will ever tell my children that this is the way the world works, I can only hope maybe I can advocate for a better world for my children to live in.

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Post Information
Title The existence of all red pill ideology highlights one big issue: Why do we tell people looks/money/personality type doesn't matter when it does?
Author LilaDuter
Upvotes 133
Comments 39
Date April 26, 2021 12:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]ezer_kenegdo 52 points53 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I read this a long time ago and it's always stayed with me. It's because people aren't perfect and change is hard and the reality of it is harsh. It takes away your control so you can be the victim. If only the fates hadn't made me fat/slow/boring/lazy...people are selfish if they can't accept the way I am! That's a coping method and takes a long time for people to get out from that mentality.

[–]redditthrowaway1478 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck I've been trying to find that article for years. I read it back in 2012 and felt the same way as you do, but forgot where it came from

[–]sculptedmermaid 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow that article

[–]aceDasta 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing this wonderful article

[–]MuttonDressedAsGoose 39 points40 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

While what you say is true, there are a lot of ordinary people - "5's" if you will - who are leading happy lives. I know plain women who are madly in love with their devoted husbands, have lots of friends and do work they enjoy, etc.

I think it's down to your mindset.

[–]LilaDuter[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're right, there are many paths to happiness

[–]timissick 26 points27 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Everyone is dealt a hand. And everyone gets to pick how they will live with that hand. OF COURSE it's best to be born tall and rich and handsome. But so what. I know plenty of very happy folks who were delt a less than ideal hand and live SUPER happy lives. They picked a profession that suited them and found a partner that suited them and they are laughing their way through life.

[–]Anonymous_fiend 14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yeah don't hate the game because you were deal a bad hand, improve your strategy. You can also fumble a good hand by bad choices. You've got to make the most and being satisfied with what you have.

[–]LilaDuter[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

"Don't hate the game" Well, why not hate the game? People can improve themselves and criticize the way society is set up at the same time, no matter level they are at.

[–]Anonymous_fiend 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hating things takes more energy than accepting that that's the way things are. Complaining and negativity begets more complaining. Instead of criticizing that life isn't fair put that energy in the things you can control. I don't really think it's society but more of biology. Even animals mate based off looks (healthier offspring) and ability to protect/provide ($ for humans). A lot of looks for women is about fertility and health. And men's attractiveness is based off good genes like strength that results in offspring that are more likely to survive. Survival of the fittest. Nature is brutal.

Edit: But I agree the flowery just be yourself advice is just flattery/trying to be polite.

[–]LilaDuter[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just have to disagree here, but maybe the word I used "hate" is strong, but questioning the way things are is a good thing. You can do both in a healthy way. You don't have to be obsessed and talk about how the world is bad all the time and call everyone a piece of shit, but there is no possibility of changing the world for the better if you don't point out things that are detrimental to people. Also, I'm not really concerned with the intimate relationship aspect as much as just the people are treated in general. We can put energy into making the world a better place.

[–]Anonymous_fiend 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure you can question and wish the world was different in a healthy way. That's why I said not to hate the game vs not to be upset that it's rigged. Most people end up downward spiraling into though once they start focusing on the negative though. Negativity is addictive. Imo changing the world starts with changing yourself. I'm a huge fan of J. Peterson's 12 rules to chaos since it goes into details about this. I highly recommend reading it.

Edit: yeah in the general sense people should treat everyone with respect. I make sure I'm only surrounded by people with character since that's the only thing I can control (plus being nice lol). I'm pretty sure everyone knows it's bad to be mean to ugly, broke, etc people but they just use it to validate their own insecurities

[–]timissick -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wonder what percent of the population is tall and rich and beautiful...... I bet its 1%

[–]marlenemermaid1 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link

But women know that their looks matter since their birth...? Maybe it’s my experience but my family would always point out every single flaw in my appearance since I was a little girl and they were brutally honest about it. Yes, it did hurt me for a while but it gave me motivation to self-improve. I am sorry but I think these redpill men were coddled by their families too much and then they were hit with realization that they are not as amazing and as attractive as they were told.

[–]orangerose18 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I'm really confused as to why so many people are genuinely surprised by this. As a girl (I was 12) you're always told you're too fat (spoiler: i was nowhere near overweight, I was simply not stick skinny petite), too ugly, you don't dress pretty or feminine enough. Boys have simply been too coddled.

[–]marlenemermaid3 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I agree with you. But I was always skinny and as a result flat as skateboard lmao. And I also had acne as a teenager and I stuttered a lot. My partners would tell me everyday that I am flat and not womanly enough and that I look like a boy. They would also point out how my acne looks and how I talk. And they would scold me if I stuttered too often. If we have been pampered like these redpill men were about how amazing and good-looking we are we would literally have a mental breakdown in Tinder's times lol

[–]BeveledCarpetPadding 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That kind of just sounds like you had shitty partners. Being honest/blunt and being overly critical/cruel has a line. Not being battered doesn't mean you're pampered.

[–]marlenemermaid1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Parents* i made a typo, sorry

[–]Underground-anzac-99 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah criticising you so you improve is one thing but it’s not like as a kid you could do much about your chest so why hassle you unless someone’s paying for your boob job?

[–]plumpvictory1 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Holy shite! Is that a bad thing.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women who are young and beautiful are rewarded. Men who are rich and powerful are rewarded.

This is why we shame rich old men going for young girls. And how men shame women wanting security. Calling us gold diggers and such.

[–]CountTheBeesEndorsed Contributor 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The alternative to this system would be everyone being the same, and I don't want that either. From a survival point of view, it's also a terrible strategy - because if everyone was the same, then one natural disaster and everyone would be dead.

I've seen average people having very beautiful but unglamorous lives. I've also seen people that seemed to be dealt good cards (e.g. super intelligent) completely fail at anything social. It seems being mediocre at everything gets you the farthest.

The biggest cause of pain in this world is child abuse, handed down from parent to child in an almost never ending loop. I find this is what makes the difference for a happy life - not money or looks, but how well you were treated by your parents. Because it sets up everything else - your boundaries, your mate selection, your temperament, your self esteem, your relationship with your own children, etc.

An average looking person with average skills but a good childhood will be a lot more fulfilled than an attractive woman or a wealthy man with bad childhoods. See: Adverse Child Experiences study.

A good childhood is the single greatest gift you can give someone. So in terms of making the world a better place, that's a great place to start.

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It all just seems like one big sick evolutionary game.

It's not sick. Evolution is amoral. It doesn't care about what is good or bad, right or wrong, it just cares about what works. The better it works, the more it's likely to be passed on.

Being bitter about this is like being bitter at entropy. And about as boneheadedly pointless.

Men cannot be themselves. Women cannot be themselves. People cannot be themselves, it is not advantageous to do so.

Bullshit. Be yourself; just be the best version of yourself you can be. Born ugly? Wear attractive clothes and learn makeup or get surgery. Born poor? Work hard, work smart, earn cash. Etc. And those efforts will not only pay off in their results, but in their making you more capable and adaptable along the way.

Instead of being jealous that some people have a natural advantage (high IQ, good genes, stunning easy beauty, money, whatever) realize that most of your life hinges on what you do with what you have, NOT where you start from. Plenty of millionaires become paupers; plenty of trust fund babies too. And plenty of gorgeous teen girls end up as trailer trash.

It's all on you what you do with it. It's always just on you.

[–]Keoni989 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. The key point I think is choice. You can choose to play the game (even if you know it's all BS) or deal with the consequences of staying on the sidelines.

Yes, human nature is very unforgiving.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s the whole equity vs equality thing. We know we’re not equal, but everyone has an equitable chance to give it their best shot.

Game (for men or for women) isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about getting in tune with who you REALLY were all along before society corrupted you with all your traumas and failures and insecurities

[–]GullibleAirport732 15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm a 22M Muslim guy, I don't know if I'm even allowed to comment here, but still. For me, my religion is the biggest way to cope with this reality. The fact that there is life after death, and whatever I have in this life was pre destined for me by Allah. I'm 5'2. I really used to beat myself over this. I guess I still do. But now that I accept it as Allah's will, it's more bearable.

[–]LilaDuter[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not a mod, but I always value comments from different perspectives, including men.

[–]Nneka7 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with you. As a Christian black woman, I get my worth from God, not society. The reason I can say this is because I have been called beautiful for most of my life. I used to crave the acceptance of others and I used to fear losing my looks or my wit. Even knowing I was accepted never fully satisfied me. I always craved more and was fearful of losing it. It drove me to a life of anxiety and panic attacks. I am so much more than my looks - even if ppl don't see that. I only find rest in knowing that God created me and accepts me for reasons outside of how I look or act. From someone who seemingly has it all (beautiful, skinny, lawyer, husband, toddler, big house etc) it's truly not everything and I find no security in it.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So, what is the point of all this? I am not sure, I am just thinking.

You're thinking out loud. Thinking out loud is how I stopped being just some guy and became Whisper.

Though I don't really love that this is the way the world works, I am fully aware that this is a system I CHOOSE to participate in, one that I will be a part of for the rest of my life.

The red pill is the simple realization that What I want to be true and what actually is true have no relationship to each other.

I'm not sure how I will ever tell my children that this is the way the world works

The choice you have is whether you wish to prepare them for life as best you can, or whether you are selfish enough to sabotage them merely to avoid the momentary discomfort of giving them bad news.

[–]LilaDuter[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, you're right it's more responsible to tell them. What I am gonna do, not tell my kids about death too? That would be ridiculous.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. And the reason, the only reason, that all of this makes you angry or sad is that you are comparing the real world to the ideal world that exists only in your head.

It's not the reality that's hurting you. It's the illusion. When you let go of the illusion, the pain will stop. Then you can focus on improving your situation, without the expectation that things should be easy, or perfect.

[–]deadbegonia 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A really big part of 'rich, handsome, friendly' is do-able, even if you are not born in that category. Goes for everyone - men and women, everything in-between. You have to recognise where you are in your life (country with poor economy, toxic family, unhealthy habits) and work your way out of that personal hell. You have to invest time in figuring out the game.

Here is my take on women: Many women (I'd like to say most, actually) are not natural-born wide-hipped, plump-lipped Venuses with money falling out of their pockets, living in an economy where they can snap their fingers for instant financial independence. But that is what makes one successful: every step and risk they took to get up and get themselves out of there.

I think that the effort gets more praise than the success. How often do you recognise with admiration that one girl's perfect body and expensive bag? And how often do we admire that one badass female colleague who has the discipline to get up at 6AM for a morning workout and a full-time education/job/family?

[–]LilaDuter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great points

[–]Latter_Ad_6840 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is just a lot of insecurity around the entire thing. People tend to walk on eggshells to avoid hurting peoples feelings. But there is also some form of "honesty" that is just people being assholes. There are also people who have too many responsibilities or bad luck to do too much about their SMV and they deserve to live their life without feeling bad about themselves and people picking at flaws they likely know they have.

The thing is at some point you have to decide, especially as a woman, at a certain point you pick a husband, settle down, and become secondary in your own life. You won't have time to care for your appearance, hobbies, career, etc, as before and your SMV will stay where it is then plummet. Womens value is front-loaded to brace for that.

A lot of people are just angry about the changes in society too, income and assets matter more for women than they ever did, they may not be the deciding factor but a lot of HVM want and need a financially stable women to meet their life goals, older women are having an easier time than they ever did and LVM are the ones who are losing out on women who would otherwise be dependent on them and would have to turn their chips in instead of working on themselves and yielding a high quality mate down the line. Obviously youth is still valuable but not as much as it once was. There is a LOT of hamstering around this by men in ppd. This is a huge structural change in society.

[–]LilaDuter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some more thoughts: while all the "good traits" mentioned in the post can make certain aspects of life easier, these people can often be surrounded by others who don't seek genuine relationship connections with them, and are only after what they can offer. It can be hard for them to find friends/lovers in that respect. I think this important to highlight that fact and I wish I mentioned that in my original post. It's not all necessarily sun shine and rainbows for them.

[–]HappilyMrs 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because if we were honest, people would stop trying and just give up hope. I think it's also partly why religion has been so widespread in human history, the idea that no matter how crappy things are, it can still be okay in the end

[–]ABCC11-TT 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You say you don't love the way the world works, but I think it is better for your mental health if you focus on the bright side of evolution and embrace it.

Truth isn't harsh. Lies are. Embrace truth because it helps you understand the world and succeed. Don't call the evolutionary game sick. Evolution is the reason why you are not full of diseases and sick to death right now. Evolution is the reason you have the consciousness to say anything about evolution at all.

[–]dorpyt -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]dorpyt -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

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