Inspired by the post by /u/Malinmypants, in which she quoted a coworker who said, "Women only gain weight in a relationship if she's REALLY comfortable with the person she's with". I had some thoughts on this quote, that I wanted to share.

What I noticed about this quote, is that I agreed with it. Before you lynch me, let me explain. I am not "comfortable" in my relationship, at least not in the sense that it is used here. Am I reasonably confident that my SO is not going anywhere? Sure. Would I remain confident that my SO would not go anywhere if I became lazy? Of course not. My SO wants to be the best version of himself and expects the same of me.

My SO inspires me to work hard, and working hard makes me feel better about myself. Going to the gym and working out is not as comfortable as lying in bed. Chasing dreams is not as comfortable as tanning on the beach. We don't get accomplishments in our lives by taking the easy way out. We don't notice how great we have it, by getting "comfortable" with what we have.

Not being comfortable means we are not satisfied, and that gives us room to grow. Comfort inspires nothing. If you are already comfortable, why grow, why dream, why achieve?

This quote is something I agree with, because women only gain weight if they are really comfortable in their relationship, too comfortable. "Comfort" is a weasel word, because it is talking about things we don't want ("boredom", "apathy", "uninspired") and assigning them a word we associate positive feelings with ("blissful", "peaceful", "heavenly"). By doing this, it makes us feel like there must be something wrong with our relationship if we are not fat. After all, if we are not fat, we must not be comfortable and who doesn't wouldn't want a comfortable, blissful, relationship? By using this word this way, it makes us defend our position ("Just because I am comfortable, doesn't mean I want to get fat"), but by doing that we are allowing them to define what a good relationship means. That is (as TRP would say) submitting to their frame.

I am not going to get comfortable. I do not want to get comfortable. Comfort is not my goal, because I want to become the best person I can be. Further, I am not going to let others dictate what should be important in my relationship by using good sounding words like "comfort" and "equality". I am going to examine what those words are being used to mean, and ask if they are really as great as they sound, because usually, they're not.