~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
TempestTcup
[–]cats_or_get_out16 points17 points18 points 8 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for this article. It's what I needed today.
My husband was just reminiscing about this topic this morning about how much he loved it when I was a SAHW 10 years ago. I work full time now, but we're moving cross country in 2 months (a Christmas surprise courtesy of the Marine Corps). This means that I will definitely be a SAHM for while, since my career field at my level is competitive and openings are rare--no one retires and the job seeker market is saturated.
I was feeling apprehensive about my worth to the household. We don't need my income, but it has been great for building our savings and retirement. I felt like I wasn't pulling my weight when I was a SAHM. I felt guilty a lot. I told my husband about those feelings, and he was like, "Are you crazy?" He misses all those cooked meals (even hot lunches at home). This was a time when the weekend was just a quiet, non-chore, non-errand running time.
I will probably look for work when we get to our new duty station, but I will no longer accept full time work. I have been working full time (previously part time) the past 2 years, and I hate it. I felt guilty for all those evenings and weekends that I have missed with my family. I feel like my family has to pull extra weight when they don't need to. We don't need the money, and we could enjoy our family time more.
My husband is supportive either way. He likes the benefits of a housewife and also likes the paycheck of a librarian. I guess that's what makes it hard. If he was against me working, then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about staying home.
I need to own that my guilt is my problem, one that I am creating needlessly. Rule #5 in our house is "Own your shit." Well, I am owning it right now. If I continue go to feel guilty, then it is 100% my problem and fault. I am choosing to feel that way.
Thanks again for posting.
[–]StingrayVC10 points11 points12 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It can be hard to remember in a world that tells you you aren't worth as much when you stay home, but try to think about it this way, it doesn't matter what the world says because what we need to think about is the value we add to our family. The rest of the world be damned. The value of those hot meals and weekends free to just be with your family can add up to a whole lot more than dollars if you're able to do it.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Okay, now I'm curious - what are rules #1-4 in your house? :)
[–]cats_or_get_out11 points12 points13 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Life's not fair.
You can't always get what you want.
The universe is indifferent to your suffering. [But this is not an excuse to be an asshole. The universe is indifferent, but you don't have to be.]
Words mean things.
We also have a sort of "family motto." My daughter was in 1st grade and made this poster for a class project that said in big letters "STOP and THINK." We had it on our fridge for about 3 or 4 years, and it became our family motto. My husband recently had it professionally framed, and this large "crest" meets us as we enter our house.
Until recently, my daughter didn't realize that the rules also applied to the adults in the house, too. She asked her dad why he had to have duty over the Halloween weekend. He said, "Because of rules #1 and 2." She gasped. "The rules apply to you?!" Yep.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm just imagining you telling a first grader to "own their shit" lol! These are great though, building realistic expectations of the world and personal responsibility from the beginning.
The only one I've thought about including is "you have freedom of choice but not freedom of consequence," but I think I'll be adding these to the list. Thank you so much for sharing :)
[–]cats_or_get_out5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You have freedom of choice but not freedom of consequences."
I love it!!! I will share with Mr. Cats!
[–]fhigurethisout1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are just amazing
[–]cats_or_get_out0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, fhigure!
[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When my siblings and I would ask for something as kids, my dad would make us sing the chorus of that Rolling Stones song!
[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor12 points13 points14 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
We’ve created a society in which people do not feel worthy unless they bring home a paycheck.
Yup, we say watching your kids for a living is a waste of talent. However if you get paid to do it, we call you "teacher" or "nanny", which is perfectly fine, because your watching other people kids, and more importantly, you are being paid to do it.
[–]Rowboat145 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My younger sister is a nanny and constantly laments about how I'm so lucky that I don't have to work and get to just do "whatever I want". I'm like "Girl, we do the same thing. Kids aren't automatically easy to look after just because they are mine.
[–]TempestTcup8 points9 points10 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm not a SAHM, but being older, with my husband retired, there is a certain luxury in having all of the home duties taken care of so that all I have to do is work. When I am home from work, everything is taken care of, and my free time is truly free to relax, go fun places, etc. One comment quoted in the article expresses this:
I work full time, and my husband is a stay at home dad. We have two kids in school full day (8 to 3). Don’t you realize how much easier it is to hold a full time job when you have someone home with the kids? I can work late and travel when I need to and not worry about the kids. Our weekends are spent relaxing, instead of racing around to get errands and chores done. I can go back to work on Mondays having actually recharged over the weekend. It feels like such a luxury to ME to have a stay at home spouse.
My husband isn't home taking care of kids, but he does busy himself with a lot of construction projects to make our lives better. *I also cook and do chores at home, but those are things that I like doing and things that I care about doing myself.
[–]PinkFloweryBranches1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember reading this article a while back. It made me feel good about my desire to be a housewife. I've always secretly wanted to be a housewife, but I would say teacher just to please my feminist parents.
© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]cats_or_get_out16 points17 points18 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]StingrayVC10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]cats_or_get_out11 points12 points13 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]cats_or_get_out5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fhigurethisout1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cats_or_get_out0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Rowboat145 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TempestTcup8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PinkFloweryBranches1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link