Imagine yourself on a date with a man. It's going fairly well so far... he's confident, handsome, smart, and he has a sort of dry humor that makes you laugh. Then, about halfway through, he drops the banter, gives you a serious look, and says:
"We need to talk. You're a nice girl, and I like you, but my goal for tonight is to have sex. So we need to talk about whether you're ready for sex, and about what kind of sexual acts you're ready for. Because I deserve sex, and if you're not a sex-minded kind of girl, then I need to not be wasting my time here."
About now, most of you probably feel like you need to go and take a shower just from reading that.
That's okay, I feel like that from writing it.
Certainly in this scenario, sex would not be happening, that night or any other.
Why? Well, because it's creepy, but let's be more specific:
- He attempted to negotiate desire, which is involuntary and cannot be negotiated.
- He showed poor, indeed borderline autistic, social skills by not knowing this.
- He acted entitled and demanded what it was his job to inspire.
- He treated you as a means to his own goals, rather than a person.
The "Commitment Talk" is the female version of this social blunder, and men react to it with just as much distaste, for the same reasons.
Remember that commitment is not a man promising to stay, calling you his SO in public, letting you move into his house, or even marrying you. All of these are expressions of commitment. Commitment itself is his desire to keep you in his life. This is not a conscious act. A man can neither deliberately give you commitment, nor deliberately withhold it. You simply inspire it, or fail to.
These are even more repellent in a woman than in a man, since gracefully dealing with thorny social issues where conflict may arise is a feminine art. A man wants to be with a woman who smooths over potential arguments, rather than creating them.
Since you either inspire commitment or fail to, getting to commitment is your job, not his. If you attempt to dump this responsibility on him, he is certainly going to wonder what else you will just demand that you should have earned.
- Treating him as a means to an end.
This hardly requires explanation. He already knows what you want. If you simply demand it from him because you want it, then he will know you think that he was put on this planet to fulfill your desires.
The art of girl game is the art of getting what you want without conflict or ultimatums, by making him want to give it to you. Do not attempt to shortcut this process.