Theory about “Man Flu” - Aka how resentment manifests

Tea-and-cupcakes · 2019-09-09T23:27:40+00:00

I agree with you. Socially, men are expected to always be a strong provider and they arent "allowed" to be weak. However, it is socially acceptable to have a "man cold": Being ill allows a man to rest without being judged. When my husband is has the "man cold" I totally play into it. He works hard to provide for the family, and caring for him gives me another opportunity to demonstrate my respect and appreciation for him.

dangernoodle88 · 2019-09-09T22:52:18+00:00

This is so insightful and spot on! I think it applies to many other facets of life too. I think many women (including myself) tend to be voluntarily self sacrificing and not realize that we actually want to be taken care of. So instead of being vulnerable and expressing neediness, we get resentful and express this unmet need through weird passive aggressive shit like "Man Flu."

Banincoming · 2019-09-10T00:04:47+00:00

I read once that people lack empathy for others who say they have a headache because there's no visual sign of damage. Saying "he's not as sick as I get, and I handle it better!" seems like a lack of empathy rather than women being the stronger sex.

echo979 · 2019-09-09T23:59:10+00:00

God bless you

Cardio-fast-eatass · 2019-09-10T04:47:06+00:00

“Man flu” is a real thing. There’s a biological reason men actually do get sicker than women. The reason why isn’t entirely understood though. There’s nothing more disheartening than having a partner claim that your symptoms aren’t real or that you are blowing it out of proportion.

dashdotdott · 2019-09-10T00:34:44+00:00

I read somewhere about a mouse study, where they looked into this question. They found that the male mice had worse symptoms than the females (ie slightly higher fever). Granted mice aren't people, but interesting nonetheless.

MightyNerdyCrafty · 2019-09-10T01:31:04+00:00

Not an epidemiologist, nor biologist, but perhaps flu can vary in severity between individuals on account of mutation, as well as the base health of the subject at the time (and nutrition/micronutrient intake status from the preceding three months, according to my former exercise physiologist, who had studied at least a little human nutrition!)

I think its a bit of both, (all) in some cases.

Some women lack the necessary empathy,
Some men seek any excuse to not do their share of domestic duties.

Either because

They don't like doing them either, or
They don't appreciate the value of doing them in making their partner feel loved and part of a team, rather than a single mother to n+1 kids, or
They may even deny that they have any domestic duties at all!

Live Science excerpt of note, on the influence of testosterone vs flu: https://www.livescience.com/61164-man-flu-real.html

Harvard: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/man-flu-really-thing-2018010413033 (links to below)

British Medical Journal: https://www.bmj.com/content/359/bmj.j5560.long

Apologies if this is unclear, am in a rush. Will check back later in case elaboration or clarification are needed.

[deleted] · 2019-09-10T00:41:42+00:00

I agree up to a point. And anyway I don't really understand the whole man flu thing because my husband insists on working even when he gets sick.

BUT I know that there are plenty of women who really aren't getting enough help with the housework and the kids, and lots of them are also working full time jobs.

There are plenty of women who can't just collapse because they're sick -- they have to.keep on going. Which is why they get so resentful when their husbands get the "man flu."

LuckyPeaceful · 2019-09-10T00:20:18+00:00

I'm fairly sure we read the same post and it made me uncomfortable too, but I just couldn't quite express why. This post is so well-written and I think your theory is spot-on. We need to be able to communicate with our partners, and choosing to set ourselves up for resenting them by refusing to voice our needs is not remotely helpful for anyone involved.

secretladyaccount · 2019-09-10T07:30:13+00:00

My theory is that men are less likely to admit it / slow down when sick, so the only sicknesses of theirs that are visible to others are severe ones, thus making it appear that 100% of their illnesses are perceived by them as severe rather than there being a filtration bias.

I have a chronic illness and thus pay special attention to how ablebodied people act around illness and temporary disability, and I have not at all observed that men are whinier about illness than anyone else.

I concur; the term is very irritating, cruel, and strangely gleeful. It's not good to be angry-- and happy about being angry-- at someone for being sick.

my_chopin_liszt · 2019-09-10T00:44:18+00:00

Very insightful. Love it!

CuffsOffWilly · 2019-09-10T07:09:32+00:00

Never in my life have I heard of man flu until today.

International_Aioli · 2019-09-10T19:11:53+00:00

Women who complain about things like man flu usually have lots of complaints about their husbands. And lots of complains in general, like another poster mentioned. They probably complain about how their husband loads the dishwasher "wrong" too.

Nessunolosa · 2019-09-11T02:44:34+00:00

So important to learn to say, "Sorry, I can't" as Laura Doyle suggests. It really helps.

batfish55 · 2019-09-10T07:30:04+00:00

Because he's supposed to take care of you, not the other way around. Because men aren't allowed to show weakness, and deep down, his showing weakness disgusts you. Or, just read Rollo. He's always got the answers: https://therationalmale.com/2013/11/13/empathy/

FwoGiZ · 2019-09-10T12:01:27+00:00

Well they call it man flu because it is indeed more rough on men than women. It became a thing to laugh at because men are being laughed at, diminished and demonized almost everywhere on TV, ads, life in general... Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Jerry Smith...
But the reality is man flu is quite accurate cause simply in the way that although it's the same virus, it affects men differently, more harshly.

I don't know how many men would actually enjoy if their women asked em to do chores for em if they actually feel alright.. I'd be wary of that. If you need it, ask. If not, just do it yourself!! Most men if they ask for something, it's cause they need it.

su-quita · 2019-09-10T15:55:53+00:00

This is just my very small observation. But in my world, the women who complain the most about when their husbands get sick are the same women who complain about everything!! I know this is mean. But your post got me thinking about about the women in my life who show the most disrespect towards their husbands. They are the number one complainers about life! And they seem to put themselves in situations that are stressful. And they have lives that anyone would be envious of. Complaining is just a really bad habit.

AITAanon1 · 2019-09-09T23:47:04+00:00

Lol maybe bc some of us have partners who would'nt be able to handle the household, children, and day-to-day like we do and have to. We have to. They don't. That's the difference.

EspyPsyche · 2019-09-11T04:13:37+00:00

This is a corollary to how men are, on average, stronger and faster than women.

Women are more flexible and durable than men.

Specifically, women have higher pain tolerances than men. This is necessary for the purposes of childbirth.

Men needed their low pain tolerances so that we stop and retreat when injured during hunting. Retreating and letting the rest of the pack take it down can mean the difference between surviving being gored by a deer and dying from being gored by a deer. In modern times this is necessary because of how many men work in physically dangerous jobs. They need to be immediately aware of when they are injured when working in a mine or mill.

Women need high pain tolerances to prevent childbirth from driving them to insanity. Labor pains are among the most intense and longest duration pains humans ever feel, and are only ever eclipsed by deliberate torture. Women need to survive that pain and then be able to care for a helpless newborn. Modern women still need this despite the drugs that exist now because babies are larger than in the Stone Age. Many must be born by C-section, which is even more painful than vaginal birth.

The corollary for a woman bitching at her husband for man flu is for a man to bitch at a woman because her small hands and weaker upper body can’t lift something heavy or open a jar. His body isn’t as well equipped as hers to tolerate pain, just like her body isn’t as well equipped as his to lift heavy things.

Destroyerof_Souls · 2019-09-10T10:21:48+00:00

Funny this subreddit is fully devoted to "How to get a commitment out of a woman." Pathetic

BumbleBitny · 2019-09-10T16:33:54+00:00

I find the whole man cold thing so ridiculous. I do believe a lot of women handle discomfort better than man. Lots of women from teenage hood once a month have to deal with headaches, nausea, back pain, cramps etc.. so for 12 weeks out of every year lots of women have to put on a brave face and deal. At a certain point you get use to your type of discomfort. Lets be honest a lot of flu symptoms minic menstrual pain. That's not to say that a man shoud be told to tough it up because he's not use to dealing with discomfort. If a man were to skateboard, fall, and scrape a knee. He'd be use to that sort of pain. It still hurts obviously but hes going to be much better at "walking it off" since to get good at skateboarding you offten have to fall. Now lets say a woman who rarely falls down trips and falls and scrapes her knee. It's shocking and not a feeling she's to. It doesn't mean the skateboarder should ridicule her because he falls all the time, and have had way worse falls, and still manages to get up and walk it off.

Glassland · 2019-10-19T14:55:06+00:00

There's studies out there, that show that men can handle other pain better (like a broken bone for example) but we (Men) experience a cold/flu worse than women do.

Also it's because women don't respect weakness. They don't respect men who don't "do" because men are human doings. If you just sit at home, you are worthless to your woman and she instinctively feels this and resents you for it.

sampson158 · 2019-09-10T05:27:31+00:00

I think there are unacknowledged biological differences here. one of which is muscle fatigue. men simply have more muscles, and since muscle soreness is a major part of having an illness, especially the flu, it affects men harder than it does women, as well as just generally larger bodies, which results in larger respiratory systems, IE larger infectable respiratory area. dont forget volume to surface area ratio, IE more body volume to surface area, equals less ability to radiate fever heat, IE higher fevers.

These are all biological facts, but if you present this to a woman she'll say it's mansplaining the man flu

LateralThinker13 · 2019-09-10T19:50:31+00:00

The EvoPsych explanation is that men are in more physically dangerous jobs, where a bit of flu creates a much higher risk to incur further injury. A housewife with the flu, at worst will burn dinner. A deep sea fisherman or logger who sneezes at the wrong time can lose a limb. So men are more sensitive to flulike ailments because of the stakes involved.

Title	Theory about “Man Flu” - Aka how resentment manifests
Author	not_the_notebook
Upvotes	131
Comments	50
Date	September 9, 2019 10:43 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d1yh14/theory_about_man_flu_aka_how_resentment_manifests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/theory-about-man-flu-aka-how-resentment-manifests.252649 https://theredarchive.com/post/252649