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Things your SO cares about that he probably isn't telling you.

February 3, 2019

Hello everyone! I work in a male-dominated industry and hear a lot of conversations about things that my coworkers say about their wives and girlfriends. A LOT of it are all things we discuss regularly, but I thought I'd make a list to share what I've heard directly from the horse's mouth:

  1. They do not want the weight of your debt to fall on their shoulders. This includes student loans. If you took out a lot of debt, even if it was in order to better yourself, don't expect that your man will be happy if you suddenly want to stay at home. After all, you took out those debts because you were planning on being able to pay them yourself.
  2. A clean house, means a happy spouse. Some of my coworkers do have wives that work less or not at all, and yet comment that the first thing they have to do when they get home is dishes, vacuuming, laundry, etc. Not a single one of them expects the house to be perfect at all times, but they can't understand why they have to pick-up the second they get home when their wife was home all day.
  3. Food is the way to their hearts. Two of our older managers have wives that pack their lunches every day, not once have they ever had anything negative to say about their wives. In fact they often speak very fondly of their wives, and clearly cherish them very dearly. The rest of my male counterparts do not show this much affection publicly, while they might not say anything negative about their wives they don't say anything positive either.
  4. When you're stressed, they're stressed. They work long hours and when they come home and you're not happy, they feel that negativity tenfold. Some of my coworkers have given up on trying to solve the endless stresses at home, and stay at work long past having anything to actually work on because they dread returning home.
  5. They like displays of affection. Cute text messages, love note snuck into their coat pockets, a container of brownies to take to work, surprising them with lunch, etc. It is amazing how much little things can brighten a man's week.
  6. Men like to have the opportunity to wow you. Many of my male coworkers compete with each other to see who can give their wives the most romantic surprises, they want to be the ones to initiate dates and surprises.
  7. They want to be relied on, but that doesn't mean carrying dead weight. Men are fixers, when there's a problem they want to fix it. This is part of why endless stresses and complaining at home is so hard on them, because it demonstrates not that you're relying on them but that instead you've become a ball and chain that contributes nothing and can't be solved.
  8. Men like having their ego stroked. Compliment them when they act, even if it's for little things. My male coworkers hold being handy and considered capable in very high regard at work and at home. They want you to think they're good at what they do and to admire their hard work.

These are the most common things that they discuss, and they all boil down to exactly what RPW teaches. None of them expect their SOs to be perfect but what would you rather be: the SO who is spoken about like the best prize your man has ever won or the SO he has nothing to say about? So keep him fed, the house clean, and affirm him with appreciation, and he'll be ten times happier!

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Post Information
Title Things your SO cares about that he probably isn't telling you.
Author Mewster1818
Upvotes 355
Comments 114
Date February 3, 2019 3:02 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 104 points105 points  (48 children) | Copy Link

They do not want the weight of your debt to fall on their shoulders. This includes student loans. If you took out a lot of debt, even if it was in order to better yourself, don't expect that your man will be happy if you suddenly want to stay at home. After all, you took out those debts because you were planning on being able to pay them yourself.

This one is good, though I would like to expand it a little. Most men only want a SAHW if they are A) quite financially secure or b) they know it's worth it. In this current economy, a SAHW is a luxury. If you want to go down that path, you'd better make it worth his while by making valuable contributions to the household. You don't deserve to give up work just because you're a woman, and most non-rich men won't be happy to let that happen.

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 67 points68 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, one of my coworkers is currently expecting his first child. And apparently his wife is obsessed with the idea of being a SAHM... but she only just finished her doctorate in Psych and hasn't even made her first student loan payment. He's understandably upset by this because the whole point in getting that level of education was to help her get a better job, not to stay home. I feel for her, but she made that bed and it's completely unfair to expect him to take over that debt...

[–]Popeman79 14 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

That's an interesting thought.. How much do student loans prevent girls from doing the whole: get married young - have kids right away - be a SAHM ?

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 15 points16 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't say they prevent a girl from marriage or kids, but if you want to be a SAHM then you need to pay them off as quickly and aggressively as possible... I guess you can think of it as a ROI(Return on Investment) you've invested in education the purpose of which is to get a higher paid job and then you don't pay off the initial investment it's a net-loss.

While men may not necessarily care how much money you make when you first start dating, once you've settled down they're going to care if the household income drops and their debt load increases.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy Link

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[–]loneliness-inc 9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I hate debtors.

Most people hate those who take loans they don't intend on repaying.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]loneliness-inc 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The lack of knowledge of basic economics isn't the fault of the bankers and there isn't some big banking conspiracy. That's ridiculous!

The reason the education system doesn't teach economics the way they used to is because of the education system itself which is an indoctrination system into communist, socialist and cultural Marxist ideas and ideologies. The more people understand economics, the more they'll reject all the commie bullshit.

If lenders couldn't make money, you would have to earn money before spending, always. You'd never be able to spend with a credit card, you'd never be able to tap a line of credit when times are tight, you wouldn't be able to buy a house unless you had a pile of cash.

Furthermore, businesses wouldn't be able to start unless they had all the money upfront.

All this would lead to a huge gap between rich and poor. Only the very rich would have enough money to buy property and start businesses. Everyone else would be wage slaves to them.

This is what the world would look like if banks couldn't make money lending you money. Is this the world you envision?

Sure, you can hate on the banks all day long. Bite the hand that fuels upward mobility....

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I got my MLIS to be a librarian and I make surprisingly good money doing it, in one of the cheapest states in the country. My husband and I have discussed it more than once and it just wouldn't pay for me to not work, when I have the potential to make so much money. He's told me he'd go back to oil and we could downsize if I just really couldn't go back to work, but our family would be so much better off with the extra money, especially since it's a very friendly family environment.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's worth adding on about credit management too. I remember one of the first things my captain did was start comparing credit cards when we went dutch on a date. He bragged his credit card lets him check his credit score at any time, and so does mine, so I bragged back.

When we turned our phones around and he saw that I have a credit score in the upper 700's, that was a big green flag to him.

No man wants to deal with the repercussions of going in on a mortgage with a spouse with sub-prime credit.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 14 points15 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

I think if you’re in a first world country, with the proper lifestyle adjustment and less consumption, a SAHW is more than possible. I’ve been the homemaker in my family for a long time now and we have two cars, have bought and sold a house, all on under 90k sole income and my part time income to add. Live small and know how to play the management game for money more and you can definitely be a SAHW or at least part time work. Research shows that once you can cover the basics, the happiness levels of people don’t really go much higher with double the income or two salaries.

That being said, I agree that you have to make it worth it being home - you’re taking over the household completely and that’s your ‘work’ so treat it very seriously like you would outside employment. I can’t stand hearing SAHW who complain their husbands don’t help with daily housework enough- um, you’re not going to his workplace and helping him, are you? Why should he do the same?

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_ 14 points15 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Respectfully, I think it’s a little different because you’re not the wife in your scenario. You’re the daughter, if I recall correctly, so the household dynamic is completely different.

I don’t disagree that not every household requires two incomes- I understand from first hand experience that cutting out some luxuries can result in making a SAHP possible- sometimes you gotta get creative!

But not every family can make this work- first world or not- and part of being married is doing what’s best for the household as a team.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

I sure am not, though I contribute to the house and income the same way. When my father remarries, his wife will literally just take over what I do. Literally the same expectation.

Yes you definitely can! It’s all up to choice and what your financial standards are and the reality is most Western people consume a lot more than the basics, I’ve seen it compared to a third world country I’ve lived in (where I grew up only the poorest of the poor couldn’t afford a spouse at home, even middle class had at least maids). It can work if you know how to do so and having more time at home (or getting out of the rat race) matters more to you.

If you ever give the book The Art of Frugal Hedonism a try, one of the sections details a family with two children who actually live freely by traveling and got out of the system, by having their own built place and giving more to the community. Again, it all boils down to the financial standards you want for your lifestyle.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

The Art of Frugal Hedonism

One of my favourite books! I have recommended it on here so many times.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Really?! Oh wow a fellow fan! I think this book deserves so much more attention. Not just the tips, the way it handles the mentality behind consumption.

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If you enjoyed it, you might enjoy Radical Homemakers. I've also been enjoying Retrosuburbia lately, though it's very dense.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh I’ve heard of Retrosuburbia and I’ll grab both of those books! Thank you for the recommendations!

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had to wait a while at my library before I could grab it! Enjoy.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I might get it on ebook so yeah I’m looking it up now, I think it’s right up my alley!

[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_ 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

I’ll check it out! But I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. Every household is different and the intricacies of marriage and kids and finances can be finicky and I think we just have a different adult experience overall.

My fiancé and I are pretty simple and non-extravagant, but we’d need to make significantly more money to have one of us stay home- higher cost of living area in an urban city (where the jobs are) and all that. But I’ll check out the book for sure- I love learning about different household management systems!

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

That’s alright, yeah I think we do. I agree that every household is different, different because of their financial standards and lifestyles. People want a big home, two cars, private schools, etc. That’s more of an Australian example from my end of the families I know (since I teach).

Well if it’s just you and you partner, it’s much easier to work part time anyway since you don’t have children to keep your hands full. Though some people prefer to be a SAHW without kids and that’s their thing so I wouldn’t stop them. Oh living in the city is definitely a factor, since I live in the suburbs.

The book is really great and it’s ebook too, not everything is completely applicable yet the idea behind overconsumption in the West and challenging the idea of what is ‘the normal level of things to have/spend’ has really been on my mind lately! Like one thing I read that really struck me is that the average Australian spends $440 a week outside of rent, that’s insane! The book outlines great tips on how to downsize and save money and enjoy more by having less and spending less so you can even work less (the authors themselves spend not much more than $100 a week). Other books along this topic is Stuffocation and How To Be Free (Tom Hodgkinson). Sorry I rambled on a bit, I’m just really into this right now!

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tom Hodgkinson is a fun read!

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Bills too! The only thing excluded was mortgage/rent, according to the author.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh that’s not too bad either, it’s definitely closer to $100 than the average Australian! I’m a bit closer to $150 if I combine my phone bills, if I get a book or small shopping and food. I found it so nuts that some people could spend just like that! I still live with family so when I can settle with my partner we could have a house together since I’ve been able to save a lot!

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Definitely possible, but in a lot of places (ie inner-suburbs Melbourne or Sydney), it's a definite luxury that's not necessarily open to everyone. Unfortunately, women entering the workforce has led to COL increasing so much that most women now HAVE to work to afford a fairly moderate lifestyle in a lot of places.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I live in the outer suburbs for that very reason. I wouldn’t label it a ‘luxury’ since that makes it sound mostly unattainable. I would say an option if you are willing to adjust your lifestyle and financial standards. It’s all about how much time at home and having more quality time matters to you. Reading the Art of Frugal Hedonism and similar books, my whole point is challenging the idea of COL (though you’re right that women entering the workforce has been a huge blow to the living wage). This is usually more of a social and capitalist mindset that Western people are raised to think is normal. When it doesn’t have to be. On that point though, I do think I live a very simplistic lifestyle, lower than what people think is ‘moderate’.

Funny when I read the book, I told my father about it and he just rolled his eyes. “See? I told you. Duh. We’ve been doing all this stuff already!”

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

90k isn’t exactly an average income though.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I said under since I was being vague though I’ll give exact figures.

[–]est-la-lune 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the single-biggest expense for most people is housing. Rent, mortgage, property taxes, utilities, insurance, maintenance, the whole shebang. A better house is a safer neighborhood, better schools, better social networks for the kids.

Where I'm from, the amount of money required to jump from an "okay" neighborhood to a "good" neighborhood is more than the amount of pennies one person can save. And not many people whose kids are under 18 volunteer to leave, because the jobs are better than elsewhere.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

90k is almost unreachable in my part of the country, for one thirty-something person. Together, my husband and I bring in about 75k.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Oh I meant under 90k though to be really specific I would say it’s around 80k for my household, 65k is my father.

[–]loneliness-inc 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I read all your comments here and I remember you writing posts about how to be a frugal stay at home wife/mom. (I think).

Your perspective on this topic is very sane and seems to be under appreciated here.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks so much for that, I really really appreciate it. I just want to inspire women and show them that there are more options and they can break out of the restrictive ‘I can’t be a SAHP’ or ‘SAHP is only for the rich’ mentality. I think a lot dismiss it because I’m more of a house-daughter than partner.

The truth is though, in my family, my father has made it clear that when he remarries, he expects the same from his wife as what I do around the house and what I contribute financially. There’s no difference and for me I expect the man in my life to be a protector/provider in a traditional sense like my father. The responsibilities are the same, the only difference is my husband will be someone I am in love with.

[–]loneliness-inc 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's all about choices. Every choice comes with a cost. You can't have it all.

You propose choosing frugality as a means of achieving a family + staying at home. You propose doing all the housework if you stay home. Both of these are very reasonable but being frugal also means not having all the latest toys. It means giving up on certain luxuries. Doing all the housework entails taking responsibility and not being entitled. Your comments are receiving downvotes from those who can't give up the luxuries and/or those who feel entitled because reasons.

I think a lot dismiss it because I’m more of a house-daughter than partner.

What does this mean? What's a house daughter?

Does it mean you aren't married and live with your dad?

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s right and I think you’ve said it perfectly. It’s all about how important it is for you to want to stay at home and as a result, have more time for your partner/family. I respect everyone’s choices completely and I’m not pushing everyone to live how I do- I just want people to know it’s possible.

As many of the posters are from Western countries I’m not too surprised they can’t give up their luxuries and habits that are ‘normal consumption’ for people who live in 1st world countries. I’ve lived in the 3rd world and I can tell you, you can live on a lot less than those luxuries.

Yes, I live with my father and younger sibling, though I perform all homemaking duties and make my contributions monthly to the finances. As my father is unmarried at the moment, I’m the matriarch of the family and helped raise my sibling through the years. In my culture (Asian background), it’s very normal, especially for young women to live at home if they’re not married, moving out is still sort of seen as a waste of money, if you don’t really need to.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That seems like a sure path to burnout.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean, they don't. You can't work full time and also be at home caring for your children full time, unless you're a wizard with a time-manipulation device. I'm assuming you mean that they're providing valuable work at home in addition to working full time...and a lot are! But being a RPW doesn't mean being a superwoman. You can't "have it all".

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy Link

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[–]thoughts_prayers 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your edit is super cute!

[–]Elysseia 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

And what do I do if mine won't eat the lunch I pack him? Even if I make his favourite meal, he'd rather go buy something to eat at the store. Drives me nuts honestly and makes me feel not appreciated, so I've stopped packing him anything...

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My husband didn't like packed lunches until he started working in a male-dominated industry with mostly other married men. Now it's basically a status symbol that he has a domestic wife who packs him lunch and bakes cookies and such every week... Men can be funny, but I'm not gonna complain I prefer him eating my lunches so I know he's not eating unhealthily. xD

[–]Elysseia 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, he works shifts (law enforcement) so his eating schedule is messed up most of the time. I think what he enjoys is the social aspect of going out for lunch/buying something, and buying crap, which we don't eat at home lol. I do bake cookies often, so I'll try to sneak some into his backpack! (do cookies count as dessert?)

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the thought that counts, and of course having a nice little treat at work is a plus too. :)

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s on him. My dad used to do that A LOT to my mom so she gave up packing his lunch everyday. It’s not a hard discussion, just say, I won’t pack your lunch since you prefer to dine out. He’ll have to pay for it himself since eating at home is cheaper.

[–]rarelybarelybipolar 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What about just packing him a dessert? It’s really unfortunate he won’t eat a packed meal, but if you really want to pack him something, maybe that would work?

[–]kittxxn4 Stars 43 points44 points  (31 children) | Copy Link

Such a great reminder! And to add, to when he’s ten times happier, you will be too! Women often complain about doing this or that, but the time it takes me to make dinner, do the dishes, and clean the house while my man is busy working comes with rewards of incredible magnitude - his love, adoration, gratitude, and appreciation, with loads of snuggles and kisses and sugar on top. What do you get in return for 4 hours of binging on Netflix?

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And you don't even have to be the most amazing household goddess... those two older coworkers have been brought sandwiches for lunch for the past 30 years and are still happy that their wives make them everyday.

[–]Kaboomboomboomboom 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also, you can totally make dinner and clean the house while binging Netflix...

[–]theawaregirl 6 points7 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

I totally agree with this, but what about when you both work the same hours? What if you work more hours? I want to be the woman who is the homemaker for him and earns his love, adoration, gratitude, appreciation, etc., but when I walk in the door 5 minutes before him and leave in the morning two hours before him, I don't know where to find the time to get to everything!

I normally use the tiny bit of time I have to do the dishes, I always put away the laundry (though he throws it in the washer since the basement bugs creep me out - he's a hero!), and if cooking happens I do it, though, granted, we've been eating out a lot lately.

What do you do in this scenario? My job wipes me out and I normally have to come home and do more work into late hours. I'd love to be a homemaker but it feels next to impossible to do both.

Do you have any advice for someone like me?

I wish it just boiled down to choosing netflix or making him happy, because I'd pick the latter every time, lol.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

In your case, I guess you should forego sleep, food and toilet breaks.

...or, you know, hire someone and lower your standards. You can't do both properly. It's just too much. A happy wife does more good than a wrung-out exhausted martyr and a clean house.

[–]theawaregirl 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It’s just rough because I know he expects me to do it all and it kills me that i can’t. Despite us both working, he pays for pretty much everything household related except for groceries, which we split depending on who shops. So I feel like he thinks I’m not holding up my end of things.

I’m just gonna try being more tidy in the moment so that it doesn’t accumulate later. Focus on cooking healthy food and being tidy.

Thank you for taking some of this edge off, though, because I’ve been feeling so mentally beat up about it all.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being more tidy in the moment makes a world of difference!

Have you talked to him about it? You can't spend more energy than you have. Maybe he has some suggestions for ways to make things run smoother.

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 9 points10 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

I actually work more hours than my husband as well. I spend a lot of my day off baking snacks and prepping his lunches for the week. And the slow cooker is my best friend in the kitchen... I prep all the slow cooker ingredients into freezerbags. Thaw they overnight then just pop them into the slow cooker before leaving for work. I won't be home when my husband arrives but he comes home to a warm meal already to go.

[–]theawaregirl 4 points5 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

This is good advice! I’m going to work on food prep- that’s been a goal of mine in the new year. I suck at prepping. I like the idea of slow cooker meals that cook while you’re away!

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Slow cookers are awesome for busy households. You can even buy the liners for them so there's almost no clean-up to do after as well.

Pintrest has a lot of really easy food prep recipes. So for example this week my husband is getting "grown-up lunchables" with cheese, crackers, and charcuterie meats, with a side of grapes, and potato salad. (I made use of the Superbowl deals and got a big tub of potato salad for like half off, and the cheese and meats were also on sale.)

[–]theawaregirl 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for the advice!

I'll definitely poke around on pinterest, but do you have any all star recipes for the slow cooker that are easy to prep for? I have one, but I don't use it too often. I'll definitely get liners since dishes are always a hassle!

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I honestly subscribe to eMeals for the slow cooker recipes. You get 6 recipes a week, and whatever recipes you want to use it will automatically make your grocery list for(we also subscribe to Shipt so they deliver our groceries via the eMeals app).

My husband likes chili, brisket, beef stew, beef stroganof, and cheesy chicken casserole... And you can use almost any recipe for those and it'll turn out pretty good. I also made a leg of lamb in a redwine sauce last weekend that got rave reviews.

[–]theawaregirl 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

That sounds awesome! I'm going to look at eMeals, I've actually never heard of it. We do have Shipt, as well, so that may make things super convenient since grocery store trips can be a hassle with the work schedule (sometimes I leave a bit early to go, which works out, but this doesn't happen as often as it needs to, lol).

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

They have a partnership so you if you decide to go with it they'll give you 50% Shipt when you renew.

It's honestly pretty nice since I can plan our meals(I pick a recipe or two from the vegan options and then pick his from the slow cooker options 90% of the time.)

[–]theawaregirl 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's great! I honestly think I might just try this. It seems like it would take the guesswork out and some of the complication of trying to shop every recipe.

So you typically will choose from the recipes of the week and make 2-3 of them for the whole week? That sounds pretty perfect for us. I could meal prep on the weekend or throw it in the slow cooker while we're at work and then not have to add anymore stress during the work week. That might even give me more time/energy to clean up the house more during the week (no promises xD).

I'm nervous about the idea of leaving the slow cooker on while I'm not home, but it's such a common thing I think I'm just gonna have to get over that fear.

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy Link

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[–]theawaregirl 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! I tend to stay away from pork, but I bet my fiance will love this, and I'm down to try it out! It looks pretty yummy!

That's awesome advice about cuts of meat - I didn't even think of the money saving aspect! I love that! We're not on that tight of a budget but saving up for a larger, more family-friendly home, so anywhere I can save, I'd love to!

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]theawaregirl 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You're not blabbing at all, this is SO helpful!

It's so silly, but I didn't even think to change the meat with me not liking pork... LOL! I'll totally make it with beef!

And yes, I LOVE chicken thighs! Twenty garlic chicken thighs is one of my favorite slow cooker recipes (it's the easiest thing ever, which is probably why... chicken thighs, paprika, olive oil, twenty garlic cloves, DONE, lol).

Chicken thighs are cheaper AND tastier... can't go wrong! Breasts feel cleaner (healthier) for some reason, but as long as portions are controlled it's not that big of a difference.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]theawaregirl 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah, we're not big into football in our house. Just eating burgers today and I'm committing to meal prep tomorrow, hehe.

The chicken is AMAZING! I use boneless, skinless thighs, toss them into the slow cooker and put 20 whole cloves on top, mix olive oil and paprika together and then pour over. Cook on medium for 4-6 hours. I normally shred it and serve with rice, or mashed potatoes if I'm feeling naughty. You can throw diced onion in, too! (Fiance hates onions so I skip that, now, haha).

It's up to you if you want to remove the garlic cloves or just shred them with the chicken. They'll dissolve mostly, but some people don't like it TOO strong. I normally take out the big ones and shred the little ones.

Super easy, super yummy!

[–]305rose 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

doesn't translate into "magic pork" in english, but i agree that cuban food is the way to a man's heart

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]305rose 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

ok, since we were talking about a cuban mojo dish, i was addressing your comment as a cuban

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]theawaregirl 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a good point... I need to be nicer to myself!

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]theawaregirl 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have one, but I don't use it very often! I'd like to change that!

[–]International_Aioli 31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These are all good things to keep in mind. I would add: men like interesting women who can be alone happily. Hear me out! I don't mean an independent finger snapping feminist, I mean a woman who doesn't bother him like crazy if he wants to do something with the guys or wants downtime. And I mean a woman who keeps developing and evolving and working on herself.

Men need downtime. It's not your husband or boyfriend's job to keep you entertained 24/7, and if you have your own things going on like hobbies, girlfriends, exercise, reading, it will make it easier for your man and you to continue to grow separately and together. It will also add interest to your relationship. When all you do is housework and childcare it's quite easy to become boring and set in your ways, and even needy.

[–]caneyfan 27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

All of these are 100% accurate and make a real difference. Best of all, none of these have anything to do with looks or some unreachable trait. Men will place a lot of value in receiving this kind of treatment, and because this is so rare to see these days, it’s akin to being served ice water in the desert.

[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_ 17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I’m so envious of women who are able to pack lunch and make breakfast! Acts of Service is definitely one of my love languages- and I love to cook! Unfortunately my SO doesn’t eat in the morning and isn’t interested in bringing lunch (his work provides food). I still get to make a beautiful dinner each night, but I want to participate damnit!

[–]MightyNerdyCrafty 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You and u/herdingwetcats may want to consider making your menfolk some kinds of biscuit ('cookie') or long term storeable snack, or other sweet or savoury treat that he can store or dispense for social capital. Not necessarily consuming it himself.

I'm thinking maybe an occasional Friday or meeting day tray of brownies, and a few savoury snacks for sharing throughout the week.

They may soften the blow of group meetings or personal meetings, respectively.

[–]herdingwetcats 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great idea!!!!! I do this around the holidays but I should step up my game....I love baking for my family anyways so this is perfect <3

[–]_TheFantasticMrsFox_ 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good idea! I’ve had treats sent to him from time to time (warm cookies, his favorite snack to share, etc) I’ll bake some goodies from scratch occasionally (we try to keep healthy stuff on hand/ not have a lot of sweets) but theyre so well taken care of there he honestly thinks it’s a waste of time to bring things to him- which is funny because this essentially boils down to him taking care of me while I’m trying to take care of him in a circle until I just now share/cook for my friends 😂

[–]herdingwetcats 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same!!!!!!! I love packing him a lunch, but he has lunch meetings all the time and doesn't eat breakfast either.

[–]Windiigo 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These tips are golden. As a SAHW that is exactly why my husband says he loves me.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Cute text messages, love note snuck into their coat pockets, a container of brownies to take to work, surprising them with lunch, etc.

Maybe I dated wrong guys, but I was led to believe this was clingy behavior. Maybe if they were captain material it would be different. When I was younger I did stuff like this and it wasn't received well so I just stopped :/

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 33 points34 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think it is different coming from a wife. Younger guys aren't ready to settle down, settled men have already made the commitment and really enjoy having their choice in settling affirmed from what I've seen.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes! Completely different coming from a wife.

[–]RainySeasonInPH 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Has more to do with reading the situation and knowing if it's appropriate. Just like a guy who makes unwanted sexual innuendos is labeled "creepy", a girl who makes unwanted emotional innuendos is will come across as "clingy". It means that you didn't calibrate, not that that behavior is never welcome.

[–]RainbowKitty77 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My ex liked this kind of stuff but not excessively.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I especially like #8... I impress myself from time to time, but the person I want to impress the vast majority of the time is my wife. It's like, so basic and almost primal, our need to be men for the women we love.

[–]ZegiknieEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So I don't get to hand out stars, but if I could, I would. This is important for all (would-be) wives to know, and not just restricted to OPs workplace. Look up aisai bento!

[–]Greenveins 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This so much. I'm the type of person to go out of their way to do at least 90% of the things listed, but Ive watched my boyfriends mothers' relationship go down the tube in the past 7 years and it's all bubbling over. Every single thing you have listed has been a complaint by my boyfriends stepdad.

He bought a brand new house and put it on a ton of acres. She hates the drive and hates the location so She quit her job to be a "SAHM" (I guess mom would be replaced with wife). Then she whined about not having a car, well She gets a new car and hates it but he's stuck makin payments. Tensions rise and later on she stops cooking. She makes things that only she likes and expects him to make himself whatever, if he says something about her being lazy its HELL for the next week. We're talking not talking, ignoring, hateful, spiteful type of attitude.

Then her mom dies and she inherited money. She paid off the car and doesn't let him use it, & theres a 2010 Nissan that was her moms and she originally didn't want it. when her husband offered to pay for her moms car so he had something to drive, she said no and gave her inheritance to her sister for the title.

And in the entire time I've known her, not once has she shown affection towards him. She sat sort of on his lap one time for a picture & that was it. No cute notes, no hand holding, no hugging, nothing. She's just so cold. I dont even know him as well as I do her but I hope they seperate just so he can actually feel some sort of affection.

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's so sad. My own mother is very mentally ill(severe and untreated BPD), to the point that I'm on much better terms with my ex-stepfathers(I have 4 "dad"s) and I still keep in contact with them all, and I remember her wearing them down until they were basically beaten into submission. It's really, really hard to witness(and probably one of the reasons why I was so receptive to RP and even when I would describe myself as feminist I took a lot of criticism for pointing out how men get screwed over). I hope things get better for him!

[–]NationalMouse 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow thanks! I will try all of this, I never thought of the overnight oats idea. I just found a ton of recipes for it on Pinterest.

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I spend too much time on Pintrest. xD

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

women are the glue that holds the family together.

They can be, but they definitely aren't always. Lots of families are held together by a strong father instead - I know mine was when I was a child. Don't read this sort of thing and decide women are better at being spouses than men :P

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The best advice on "what women want" my husband learned was honestly through pre-marital counselling at our church. It was one of the best things we did for our relationship, and I strongly advise engaged couples to look into it(if you're not religious but good at taking the message despite the faith based discussion it's still worth it).

Our Father talked a lot about the different ways in which men and women receive and understand love, how men and women communicate, and of course the obligations of marriage. It was honestly one of those eye-opening experiences that made a lot of our little issues end completely. And having been brought up feminist it was just one more learning moment that really reinforced just how different the sexes are.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure if your Father/Pastor/Preacher/Rabbi/etc hear you're interested they'd be more than happy to guide y'all or find someone they know who does pre-marital counselling. In our faith you can't get married without it(at least not in the church or with a member of their clergy). Our church also offers groups for newlyweds, men's, and women's groups, and shockingly(/s) it's all pretty much RP(although the men's groups do advocate marriage and how to appropriately honor your wife.)

[–]forestpunk 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Please pass this message along to women in their 20s. Thanks!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The way to a man's heart is through his belly, ladies.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Holy efff, yes to number 7. Especially true when she only wants problems validated.

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha this is one I use at home all the time. My husband really likes being requested to do tasks that are straightforward (building shelves, putting light bulbs in the lights I can't reach, helping me when I have computer issues, etc.). He doesn't enjoy me freaking out and nitpicking every solution he tries to offer, I only take those issues to him when I want his advice, otherwise I go to one of my female friends who I know will let me vent.

Though I would say it's not that often that I have those issues anyways because I really don't have much "drama" going on in my life at any point... except the yearly freak-out about one of my dogs being sick(I have 4 Great Danes and they seem to take turns faking medical emergencies.)

[–]NationalMouse 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ugh if only it were this easy. My man HATES eating leftovers and HATES sandwiches, so what am I supposed to send with him for lunch?? :( I don’t make him breakfast because I have to leave very early to start my day and he tells me he usually arrives to work very cranky because he hasn’t eaten. His assistant grabs his lunch. Everything else I do already and I’ve paid off my student debt. I guess I could wake up 15 min earlier to make him a breakfast sandwich (the only sandwich he does like) but then it would be cold by the time he eats it and he will still be hungry for lunch lol

[–]Mewster18185 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a toughie! I pack things like onigiri, "grown up lunchables"(where I remake the lunchable idea but with nicer ingredients and better portions, caesar salad wraps(just put the dressing in a little container on the side), Japanese soba, homemade eggrolls(which you can fill with anything you like), etc.

Most of these can me made quickly and easily in a big batch. If he has access to a microwave at work I also know a few ladies who make homemade freezer meals so their man has a variety of options to choose in the morning. And I give my husband 1 day a week to buy his own lunch so he gets a break from having the same lunch everyday.

He used to hate leftovers as well, but he's mostly gotten over it since it's so much cheaper to eat what we already have.

Edit to add: Have you tried doing overnight oats of a breakfast casserole that he could quickly heat up in a microwave?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Halry1 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So nice to see an acknowledgment of these things by a woman without it being immediately followed by “...which is of course a product of rape culture/fragile masculinity and deserves to be mocked into submissive compliance”

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

can someone explain number 7? how am i not supposed to be dead weight? i dont want to be too ambitious

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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