We mostly all believe that sex with somebody who isn't our partner is bad. That sexual cheating on the relationship is wrong, destroys it, etc. But what about emotional cheating?

If your husband/BF doesn't give you enough emotional validation, if he doesn't compliment you enough, support you around the house enough, if he isn't there enough because he's off working two jobs... is it okay for you to get your emotional validation elsewhere?

The grocer's handsome, flirty, and you have no desire to have sex outside of marriage, but you don't mind spending 30min every time you're at the grocery talking with him. He even walks you to your car and makes you feel safe. It's nice.

Your yoga instructor is young, hot, and is happy to talk after class over smoothies. He's attentive, listens and speaks well, and is always there for you. You'd never sleep with him, but it's great to go to class... and so you go four times a week.

The mechanic you take your car to is burly, crass, and... a total stud. Built, swaggers, confident, and yet strangely respectful to you. He'll tell you about your car, give you a good deal, doesn't try to rob you just because you're a woman, and... over the motor oil smell he's got a healthy male musk. Of course, you'd never sleep with him outside your marriage, but... you're really good about getting your routine maintenance.

And then you go home. And husband's there, at 9pm after working two shifts, and he doesn't want to hear about your day. He's tired, just wants a quick meal, a shower, and maybe a cuddle/bit of fooling around. That doesn't do it for you, so you warm some leftovers and go to bed early. You've done your duty, right?

Wrong. You spent the day emotionally cheating on your husband. And it's okay, because we don't consider it cheating. We only consider getting sexual needs met outside the relationship to be cheating. And if you do step out for sex, you (usually the man) are bad, unable to keep it in your pants, etc.

Both men and women need emotional connection as well as physical interaction (sex/cuddling). You don’t have a healthy relationship without both. And society generally agrees that withholding sex is unhealthy. But emotional connection? Not at all.

RPW teaches that the best way to support your Captain is to be his 1st mate. This is giving him emotional/social support so he can lead and provide. But if you’re giving that emotional energy to everybody but him, are you really being faithful? Even if you never have sex once outside marriage, is it possible to emotionally cheat on your man?

Absolutely. Because men don’t just need sex, anymore than women just need talking and chocolate. So here’s the thought experiment:

When is it okay for you as a woman to emotionally step out on your husband? To have a close emotional relationship with another man, even though it never gets physical? Is it okay if it interferes with the time and energy you have available for your husband/BF and you relationship… so long as you don’t cheat sexually?

If you said yes, it’s okay, is that because you don’t rate sex as a high importance? And if so, let me flip it:

When is it okay for him as a man to sexually step out on his wife? To have a close sexual relationship with another woman, even though it never gets emotional? Is it okay if it interferes with the sexual energy he has available for you and you relationship… so long as he doesn’t cheat emotionally?

Food for thought.