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To the younger girls in this sub: Some things I wish I knew when I was younger

May 4, 2021

Society today is becoming increasingly hypersexualized and tries its best to tell you confusing messages that sexualizing yourself is empowerment, yet sexualization is bad. Advocacy posts that normalize online sex work, pornography, and self-sexualization and self-objectification are abound.

When you're a teenager or young adult trying to figure out your identity, willing to please and looking to fit in, this can be incredibly dangerous. So many young girls today are posting intentionally provocative photos and videos of themselves in hopes of gaining more followers and likes, and therefore giving them the "good feels" and building up their self-esteem that can be easily shaken, and a false sense of identity.

It can be tempting to start doing the same.

What they forget is that every girl has physical sexual assets. Every girl has boobs and butt. Every girl can take provocative photos of themselves and gain attention (from men and women alike) if they want to. There is nothing special about doing so. So many girls today believe that showing off their physical assets makes them special and the next in thing, but they are just like everyone else who are doing the same thing.

They also forget that the same people who give them the attention also give hundreds of other girls who are doing the same thing, the same attention.

I won't even mention the dangers of posting provocative content on the internet — in short, photos that go online, stay online, and people will screenshot, repost, reblog, sometimes with your full name, and they will remember you for it.

You are not building your self-identity by displaying yourself in a highly sexualized manner. You are not building up your self-esteem in a healthy manner that can withstand tests and time. And if you're trying to get into a relationship, you're making it more difficult for yourself because you won't be attracting the right kind of men — men who fall for your personality, instead of only your body.

Instead, focus on building your self-esteem and identity in a healthy manner. Work on your personality flaws, find something you're good at and work really hard at it, find your hobbies, build good habits that last for life. It'll serve you much better in the long run.

Just something that came to me as a shower thought but probably can't be posted elsewhere without being shot down for "slut-shaming" or "puritanism". Bonus video: The lie of female empowerment by Sydney Watson.

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Post Information
Title To the younger girls in this sub: Some things I wish I knew when I was younger
Upvotes 226
Comments 23
Date May 4, 2021 8:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]KombuchaEnema1 Star 52 points53 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

That was such a good video. I watched it yesterday I think.

Whenever I call out hypersexualization of young women, I’m always called a “prude” and told that I hate sex. In reality I love sex, I actually have quite a few kinks, and I have a very healthy identity in regards to my sexuality.

However, I think that a young woman discovering her sexuality is someone who is extremely vulnerable and that phase of her life should be kept private and personal. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with, say, a young woman experimenting with her high school sweetheart. I do think there’s something extremely distorted and perverse about a child waiting to turn 18 so she can create an OnlyFans, or a 20-year-old running an Instagram with thousands of half-naked pictures of herself.

There’s nothing empowering about that. You can take charge of your own sexuality without turning yourself into a hypersexualized caricature of yourself.

I especially like the part where she mentions that being sexy means you will be more popular. I think that’s why so many young women feel the need to imitate the “sexy e-girl” look online, because they’re thinking, “Well if I want a man, I need to be just as sexy as the women he’s masturbating to online.”

I went through a really, really dark phase where this is something I was so concerned about. Am I a sexual being? Of course. Did posting certain pictures make me feel sexy? Of course. But that’s not the only reason I posted them. I wanted to prove to the world that I could contend with the “hot sexy e-girls.” I had to prove that I was on their level and therefore deserving of my man. It destroyed me mentally and emotionally. And people who argue that it has nothing to do with competing or maintaining an image are lying to themselves.

We’re starting to view women’s sexuality as something perverse and hedonistic rather than something that is intensely personal, intimate, and private. There’s no passion to it anymore.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]w00kiee 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you can take charge of your own sexuality without turning yourself into a hyper sexualized caricature of yourself

Couldn’t have said it better myself

[–]Jihocech_Honza 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

being sexy means you will be more popular

Oh, you wil be. But you will not be more loved.

[–]abacabbmk 25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These days not flaunting yourself like a piece of meat makes you different/special/desirable to the right kind of people.

The kind of people who reward you for sexual content are the wrong kind of people who dont actually care about you.

[–]harrietnottubman 15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Saving this thread for my daughters. I’m 30 now wish I would have know this as a promiscuous teen 😫

[–]mara244 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I should also save this. I'm 20, and I absolutely love this thread for if I have daughters!

[–]SunshineSundress1 Star 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so important. I fell to the trappings of social media thirst trapping (and real life thirst trapping, lol) when I was younger. If I wasn’t so damn socially awkward and bad with men back then, I would have definitely gotten into some bad situations or relationships where the only value I had was my body or sex appeal. Thankfully, I found RPW before it was too late and it truly changed my life around. I got sick of just lurking and now I’m trying to be a bit more active in the community that helped me so much!

At the end of the day, we’re not telling you that you have to dress like a fundamentalist christian (not that there’s anything wrong with that) to use RPW to your advantage. However, there is a clear line between using your looks and sex appeal as an enticing cherry on top, and using it as the only thing you could possibly offer. People make judgments on how you look - it’s just how the world works. Use this fact to make yourself look like and embody the woman you want to be treated as.

[–]lazycatlovespho 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  • to me, personally, everything is fine until they start to talk about women empowerment. they can post pics in bikini all the time and i honestly do not care. they are proud of their healthy bodies, they do that bc they want more followers and interaction on ig bc they do social medias or business owners , etc i honestly can not care less. but when they start to make excuses that they are uploading all those photos for women empowerment and thats how feminists should be i cringe. Talking about vaginas and showing your ass 24/7 do not empower any women or prove anything. Just say that you do that because you like that I'd rather hear and accept that reason.
  • also, i hate that they always try to compare themselves and mimic the bad things that guys did. like the reason why Cardi B sings WAP is probably bc "why men are allowed to talk about dicks publicly" but women cant talk about their vaginas? like why men can swear alot and talk about fucking and sexual things in rap songs but not women? I always think bragging about your dig/ vaginas 24/7 is problematic and I would not do the same things like the guys did and and call it gEndEr eQuAliTy. thats literally like a stupid competition. For instance, after seeing someone stealing something, you have to go steal a thing real quick because you want equality. thats such a immature childish illogical way of thinking

I know that this is a very controversial problem. Would love to hear thoughts from others also

[–]BePrivateGirl 11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I like what you said in the post. I think it’s valid and important. I want to say the things you described are obvious, but the behavior you see online demonstrates that it’s not obvious. So these are all valid points.

But also: one day you are going to be partnered or married, and at that time you do need to be sexual. Not on social media, and not for the world to see, but you do need to be sexual.

I think that some women on here deal with their personal values of saving themselves, or limiting their n-count, by developing a sex-negative attitude. “Sex is valuable” “sex is special” “sex is intimate” but then when they are partnered, the volume of sexual activity needs to change dramatically.

I know men meet good girls with low n-counts, and then commit to them only to find that the woman just has a low libido. And that’s not “wrong” or “bad” or a character defect to have a low libido...but I just hate to see people conditioning themselves to be less sexual, to have a higher RMV, but then they can’t turn it around when they get the commitment, or have their first child, etc.

Sex is important to men, so don’t look at sexuality negatively. Know in your heart that there is a time and place to be very sexual, and enjoy yourself once you get commitment.

[–]SunshineSundress1 Star 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Wow. This was so well said. There absolutely needs to be a balance between being “classy” and “wifey material” with being a sensual, sexually healthy being.

Many of my very sexually conservative friends were high value and marriageable on paper, but once they committed, they had A LOT of issues in the bedroom which led to bigger issues in their marriages. When you use shame (often, but not always, tied to religion) as a motivator to stay chaste, it doesn’t just magically go away when you get married. A lot of the times, using shame makes ALL sex feel dirty, objectifying, and wrong, even if it’s with your husband. If you’re uncomfortable with your sexuality, how the heck are you supposed to enjoy sex enough to do it again and again, let alone even think about pleasing your husband?

Stay sexual and explore your own body when you’re single. You can absolutely learn what you like, how to please yourself, and how to feel comfortable during sex without relying on hookups/casual sex or pornography. Rather than being sex-negative, learn to enjoy sexuality on your own terms.

[–]Jihocech_Honza 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Paul Zimbardo made an interesting point about sex education in his last book about crisis of maculinity. That it is all focused on problems and negatives - STDs, unwanted pregnancy, consent and rape. We warn our young people so much that we forget to teach them why and with whome they shall have sex.

[–]SunshineSundress1 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, exactly! While this fear-based method stops young adolescents from having reckless sex and getting pregnant, it also leaves them with sexual hangups when they’re older and ready to have sex.

I think for the people who spread fear- or shame-based sex education think that the pros are obvious and are easily left unsaid. However, for young people who don’t have a lot of experience, it’s really not as clear. It’s a difficult balance and will definitely be a challenge for me to tackle for my own kids in the future.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]SunshineSundress1 Star 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

While I’m all for finding a low libido partner if you yourself have a low libido, or finding an asexual partner if you yourself are asexual, I think it’s a bit of a Disney fantasy to hold out for that perfect man who completely suits all of your tastes and preferences, because this man doesn’t exist. If you are going this route, it’s important to acknowledge that on the macro level, men absolutely have higher sex drives than women, so finding a man with a low to nonexistent sex drive that matches a woman’s (among all the other things you have to vet him for) is not gonna be easy work. Another important note in that article: “Women who regularly attend church are less likely to have permissive attitudes about sex. Men do not show this connection between church attendance and sex attitudes.” So even religious, conservative, and traditional men are sexual beings who do need sex in a relationship, let alone non-religious, liberal men.

Sex IS a need, for the vast majority of men and a decent majority of women. It’s not dangerous to suggest this; it’s just acknowledging human nature. Having a healthy sex life in a committed relationship is often the bedrock of that relationship’s stability. Obviously, it’s not the only thing that makes a marriage, but to do without it is greatly detrimental to most heterosexual relationships.

If you know for sure that you do not want to be sexual at all in a relationship (which is your right), this absolutely needs to be spelled out from the get-go. Understand that by doing so, you’re eliminating a LARGE amount of your dating pool and will likely have very little men to choose from. Of the men who accept these terms, you have to accept that he may want to have an open relationship where he can get his sexual needs fulfilled, and if you object to this, your relationship may end or there will be infidelity. If these options don’t appeal to you, it’s very possible to be happy and single or to accept your sexuality and adjust. Either way, it’s up to you how you go about it but to choose to be a “prude” as you stated is a path with MANY obstacles.

[–]BePrivateGirl 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


I’m not pressuring women to be sexual. Being low libido or asexual is something that exists. And I accept it.

But the entire red pill is about sexual strategy. It’s sexual strategy for men to find lots of mates or quality mates. And the sexual strategy for women is to find commitment.

I would never suggest that any man or woman who was not comfortable having sex should do it anyways.

And I’m not prude-shaming.

But if you want to be a female...who gains the commitment of a a traditional marriage. I’m asking you to not be shamed by sex once you have commitment. Your husband expects you to desire him, and have your own internal motivation to have sex with him. It emotionally fulfilling for men to have intimate relationships with his life partner, his wedded wife. Even men who dislike casual sex, oversexualied women in media, etc. They usually expect that when they commit, that they are going to gain an intimacy with a sexual partner that they love very much.

For those individuals with low sex drives, or asexuality, they can do that. I’m not asking anyone to have sex more. But it’s not quite red pill strategy relevant at that point.

[–]NoShitsGivenAtAll 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Remember who wins in this messy hypersexual society we live in. Governments and corporations.

Governments get more taxes because more women have to work instead of building families. Governments also don't have to worry about building infrastructure when there are no children to build infrastructure for.

Corporations get workforce with much cheaper cost, because all the women that used to raise kids are now working, which increases the supply of workers, which makes them cheaper. Simple supply and demand.

None of this is in the interest of society.

[–]HeyWhoTookMyCookie 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

this is really true! Thanks for posting this

[–]PirateStill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much, I was just thinking about this today.

[–]Guapscotch 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well written post, very thought provoking

[–]ragman75 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

And if you're trying to get into a relationship, you're making it more difficult for yourself because you won't be attracting the right kind of men — men who fall for your personality, instead of only your body.

Worse than that. You will either attract guys that you dont want to be with that will lie to you about committing. Or you will attract a guy that will actually be genuine and want to commit, but he just wont be able to because we just arent hard wired to be that sexually open with our relationships.

[–]ChadGoingHisOwnWay 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

well thank feminism for that "empowerment"

[–]Fast_Bee7689 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We’ve come full circle in my opinion. Female empowerment was always about choice, only that’s now been taken away from us again. We aren’t being forced to cover up, nor become housewives, instead we’re being told to look like sex dolls & start onlyfans.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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