~ archived since 2018 ~

Today I realized that being hot is a full time job.

October 7, 2020

After having let myself go all of quarantine and amidst a bad bout of depression, I made a list of things I needed to do to get back on the pretty wagon. Even if you have natural assets to build upon, the level of upkeep required to look really good is an investment. I live in the south so the pressure to be put together is on another level. I’d never even known how to curl my hair before today, but I went and bought a wand.

Whatever Chad’s girlfriend is wearing or however she does her hair, however she keeps her tan, or however white her teeth are—best get on that. It was a hard pill to swallow, but a good one.

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[–]yungsweetro2 Stars48 points49 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Love all that you’re doing to look great! I also use retinoids + an AHA/BHA peel to keep my skin soft and to prevent wrinkles. It’s done wonders for my skin and I hope it does the same for you! The only thing I wanna make sure you know is that if you’re suntanning (which I advise against anyways - it causes premature aging, sun spots/sun damage, and can lead to skin cancer and melanoma) while on retinol, you MUST use a sunscreen that’s preferably SPF 50 and up, and you must NEVER use retinol during the day.

Dermatologists recommend using sunscreen if you’re exposed to sunlight at all, even if you’re only outside for a quick walk to your car or even if you’re inside and sitting by a window. A pretty tan is very sexy in the short term, but you don’t want to become a stereotypical, sun-damaged middle-aged lady who looks 10 years older than she should! I recommend you to stick to the fake tan for maximum skin preservation :)

Also, watch out for burn-out! It’s super exciting to create an extensive beauty routine all at once after coming out of a slump. I’ve done the same many times before. However, in my experience, creating such high stakes by adding a 10-step Korean skincare routine + daily blowouts + weekly nail upkeep + 5 days a week at the gym to my routine was too unrealistic to sustain for the long term and I ended up crashing and burning big time. If/when you crash, you start to feel resentful that men expect so much of you and of yourself for succumbing to these expectations. I’ve found that it’s helpful to add one new beauty regimen at a time, and give yourself the time you need to adjust. That way you don’t become resentful because it never it’s not an impossible hill to climb. Glowing up is a marathon, not a sprint!

[–]Embarrassed_Gas350725 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

+1 for daily sunscreen. Cheapest (and one of the most effective) things you can use to keep your skin looking youthful and minimise premature ageing.

[–]yungsweetro2 Stars7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes! So many derms say the one skincare item they could not live without is sunscreen :)

[–]BeThinBithc0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Awesome advice - step by step. I'll start by just shaving regularly and doing my brows and eyes (yay masks) and wearing perfume. Like op this year has also been a year of depression.

[–]yungsweetro2 Stars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds great! Taking a whiff of the perfume on my wrists always cheers me up! I’m excited for you :-)

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]yungsweetro2 Stars7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No problem girl! As long as you’re wearing sunscreen, you’ll be saving yourself a lot more damage than if you didn’t! Hahaha I can only picture Snape with the pearly whites, hair and nails did, and micropenned brows 😂 you know your body best, just wanted you to know about how retinols make sun damage worse!

I’m glad you’ve been on the marathon life! If you know you won’t get a resentful attitude about it, your man will be very lucky to have someone so put together. We’re all a bit vain anyways, so I say enjoy your beauty and the work you put into it :)

[–]oneconfusedwriter29 points30 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think there's a lot of value in taking care of your body and appearance, but I also think it can get unhealthy viewing other women as your competition 100% of the time. I say this as someone with a history of eating disorder; the most liberating thing is to realize that as long as you are taking care of yourself and being healthy, a good man will be drawn to your unique charms and femininity regardless of whether you're the hottest, skinniest Stacy on the block. But then again, I don't want the washboard abs, fake tan alpha Chad either... I want (and have) a man who's more focused on his family and values than his appearance. I want (and have) a man who I can grow old with without worrying that he'll stray to the first twenty-something he sees when I'm not looking. Not knocking you because your beauty advice is great and your overall message is true, but I do think there are traps that can be fallen into that will keep us from finding happy, healthy long-lasting relationships.

[–]sallyrosenberger21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OP.... where's the list 😳

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link


[–]Mrswizardwizard26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don't have to. It's harder to find a guy when you don't do the blowout/fake nails/tan/lashes and makeup etc but they also tend to be less shallow ime. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I only wear makeup on date nights. I don't do any of the other stuff. It's never been an issue for us. Some men appreciate having their woman done up, some men appreciate the grace and modesty in an understated appearance. Don't stress yourself out, just be you ❤

[–]peculiarmiss11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I absolutely agree with this! My mister (4 years together come Feb) met me when I was arguably at my least attractive--the heaviest I'd ever been, with a super butch haircut, never dressed cute or wore makeup, and my mental health was a dumpster fire. We were friends for a couple years before we got together, and have a lot of common interests, but honestly? He still doesn't care about makeup or my nails being done. He's far more interested in playing with my butt or boobs.

[–]Ms_Sommersby7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

As millionaire matchmaker says "the penis does the picking." Some guy rejected her when she was younger and looking her besr because another woman was a bit skinnier. He literally said that to her.

I feel the same as you sometimes. In my 30s so it gets harder with the same effort to feel as good.

[–]ereader22215 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If he was that shallow, it's not worth the trouble. I think the best approach is to find a routine that's simpler for day-to-day, that you can keep up for a long time and that gives you some confidence/ makes you feel cute or put-together. Then amp up for special occasions.

The poster above is right - if you're always "done up" you attract guys who put way too much value on looks and less on else. What happens when you're sick? Or post-partum? Or depressed? Or just get older? Will he run to find the next young hot model? It's great to take care of yourself, it's even better to have a partner that isn't too superficial and is more focused on the more important things in life.

[–]Ms_Sommersby0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not talking about about any of what you just said. But it does relate to the original topic.

[–]Mrswizardwizard12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't do anything extra to be attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️ I shave my legs/armpits and make my hair look presentable (e.g. pulled back or brushed) and that's pretty much it. I hardly ever wear makeup, fake tan, etc. Men are attracted to natural beauty just as much 😊 There's nothing wrong with making yourself look like that if that's what you want, but just know you also don't have to. Plenty of men appreciate the grace and modesty that comes with understated appearance

[–]missylizzy30 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yup! I have developed a beauty regimen even while pregnant and I can see the difference. It now makes me realize this is a lifetime commitment, and I cannot slack!

[–]ashtashmagash1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fellow pregnant lady here! What’s your routine because I feel like a troll lately.

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[–]lovelyllamas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girl, I hear you & I am the same! Without a tan, I look sickly and witchy. I have a sharper nose, too. Once a slight summer glow starts to fade, I lose all my confidence. I use spf 30-50 and spray tan occasionally. I hate going through the upkeep motions, but it’s worth it.

[–]mandoa_sky18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

so long as you keep to vitamins and basics, it's not TOO hard to look "put together"

[–]Pinkrose5717 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being pretty is a full time job.... thats why u respect the the woman to keep themselves up because I know the hard work behind it.

[–]thesixthamethyst5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My least favorite thing to maintain is a freakin' tan. I cannot tan naturally (very Scandinavian, doesn't seem to be in my genetics), and really, I don't like the payoff of aged leather skin that comes years later. I love a little golden glow, but the whole thing is so much work. I don't go to a professional anymore because I really don't have time, so I use the at home stuff and between spending the day being stinky, and having to do it again 3 days later, it's so irritating! Why haven't they come up with something that lasts weeks yet!? People, please tell me if there's a holy grail out there that actually lasts!

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]thesixthamethyst4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

How long does the Bondi Sands typically last for you?

[–]Rock_Granite23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can get a lot of bang for the buck just by going to the gym several times a week and keeping your weight under control.

[–]Anonymous_fiend8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great job! It can be hard when you fall into a slump. Just follow a good routine and it's not much effort. Getting yourself back on track can be the hardest part. Eat healthy, workout 2-4x week (best to mix cardio and strength training), have a skincare regimen (there's plenty of affordable high quality options), basic hygiene, know what clothing is flattering on you, nails done, basic makeup techniques & hairstyle that suit your face shape, good posture, a smile, and work on how you present yourself. Some of the hottest women 9-10s in Miami I've ever seen aren't overly dolled up but they know how to take care of themselves. Nothing wrong about lookmaxxing but natural beauty exists too.

Honestly looking put together isn't a full time job or that expensive. Maybe an hour a day max if you have a lot to improve on. Not every guy likes fake tan. If you're gonna dye your hair blonde and fake tan make sure you get it done right. A bad/wrong shade dye job or too dark tan usually looks trashy.

[–]elegantlybroken3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it is. I wish I could be more like this. I am trying but I’m just so very depressed. I can go a week or so without washing my face, and I skip brushing my teeth. I’m just very unmotivated. I keep trying to have a routine but I keep failing and going back into my hole. Im hoping getting out of my mom house I’ll feel better. I live with my hoarder mom and father and they are so mentally abused. I just lock up myself up in my small room. The house haven’t been clean in years and I also gave up cleaning it for them years ago because they mess it up and act like it’s my job to clean after them if I want a clean out because they are fine living this way.

[–]bananab333 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, you gotta get out of there. Cheap apartment in the ghetto paid for with minimum wage sounds better than that living situation. You can do it!

[–]sunflower19201 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seconding, yes literally living in shitty studio with minimum wage earnings is better than your situation. I promise being out of that environment is what you need. These people are toxic. Please, please leave

[–]frogswife3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So I'm a mom of three, and 35 weeks pregnant with #4. Staying "hot" isn't nearly as high on my list as it usually is right now. 😅 But! I can say the best thing you can do is a great skincare regime. I do the 10 step Korean skincare routine, and as soon as babies are sleeping, I'm right back into running and strength training. (I really miss running right now, but my joints are too loose :( ) I don't think I'll ever fake tan, between running and being olive skinned it seems unnecessary, I don't do fake nails, (in terms of housekeeping, they're annoying at best) and I won't spend money on fake lashes. I'm really just trying to preserve my skin and keep my body healthy and tight. My only big investment is into skincare and haircuts. (and new running shoes every 300 miles)

[–]Theyogithatcould8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, it is a full time job, but a job which pays HANDSOMELY (or more like gorgeously, pun intended)

[–]IcarusKiki29 points30 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Chads gf wears drugstore makeup and forever 21. The point is that she knows how to make herself look good on instinct. You can be cheap and lazy af as long as you can do it well. Honestly most expensive skincare stuff and makeup doesn’t really do anything more than the drugstore stuff but people buy it to pamper themselves. Most men don’t want a super toned fitness freak as long as you’re skinny and somewhat fit and they also won’t care about what you wear as long as it’s flattering on you. Honestly all you need is some blonde hair dye and some fake lashes and boom you’re Stacy lmao

[–]cornycatlady14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don’t want to be a Stacy 🤢🤢

[–]Ms_Sommersby9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some women are just naturally hotter than average too.

[–]WellyJellyBelly7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This post is SO relatable! Ever since the pandemic, my long stays at home has made me slowly lose habits of upkeep since I never go out.

I became very comfortable with low to nonexistent maintenance of the skin, hair, and nails and just kept things at a bare minimum. Now that the ball is rolling again with the world I’ve started to get back into the swing of things and realized just how much time, effort, and energy goes into looking good. I’m kind of exhausted at times, ha.

[–]kneesofthetrees2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you’re using retinoids it’s super important to wear sunscreen every day. They increase your skin’s sensitivity to the sun, which doesn’t just mean more suntan/burning, but also can mean more wrinkles and aging in the future. Not wearing sunscreen basically cancelling out the benefits of using them, or worse.

I think it’s really wonderful for the body and mind to spend time outside every day, but sunscreen is a valuable tool for long term beauty, and critical if you’re using any retinol product (or AHAs, like lactic or glycolic acid).

I know you might already know this but I think it’s really important to make known to others whenever you recommend retinol. It’s a big commitment.

[–]aussiedollface21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keeping up your appearance is a constant commitment I agree. It’s easy to become lazy and forget. Sometimes at night I just want to flop into bed but I make sure I do my skincare routine and eyelash serum etc. An average looking woman can increase her appearance greatly by making consistent effort xo

[–]ihopemewingworks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

To me I find the self tanning the most annoying for sure, it's time consuming because you have to wait and plan it in to the day in a different way then idk doing nails.

Some tips for you though, so skincare when you have a routine I think can become less of a idk burden like it dosent feel like you need to do so many things, but skincare for me is now just how showering is it's not time draining it's just like a part of your day.

Nails I think can feel less annoying if you always do it when you do something else, everyone has at least an hour a week where they watch a movie or YouTube or something, that's a perfect time to do it to make it feel less annoying.

,id maybe try to do a heartless hair style because it won't take as much time, or maybe try to preserve your curls for longer so you won't have to do it everyday, and it will feel less time consuming.

But I feel you on the tanning, I feel like I can't do anything that day because I need to wait for it develop then wash it off. Though I know there is more and more tanning companies coming out with tanners without a guard so you don't need to shower it off, that would be less time consuming

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