This is a repost of an older post called "Checklist or Toolbox". I'd like us to revisit the idea that there is no real RPW. Any woman in or seeking a male led relationship is welcome to use the strategies on this sub.
Sex before marriage is not anti-rpw, cohabitation is not anti-rpw, even non monogamy is not anti-rpw. The core of rpw is how we interact with the man in our lives.
Women tend to be consensus builders (more on the female social matrix in another class – take my word on this for now). Because of this, any group of women will tend towards homogeny. The Red Pill has neve been about a particular way of life, however, RPW slips into this mindset quite often. It’s not rare to see someone discussing the “RPW Lifestyle” or “things an RPW would or would not do”.
This is problematic (u/guywithgirlwithabike does not like the word problematic but it tickles me pink – expect to see it pop up again).
The problem is that an “RPW Lifestyle” gives on the vague sense that there is checklist somewhere. If one were to find where on the darn sub we stashed the check list, she could follow it step by step, the heavens would part and she would be blessed with the most perfect blend of alpha-beta man that has ever walked the earth. Now, I’ve seen a pared down version of the TradCon checklist (thanks Mom!). That checklist says: graduate from school, find a job, get married, have sex, buy a house, have a kid. The details of how are a bit fuzzy and I’ve never been one for checklist, still, it seems like a solid plan right?
Well if I personally followed this plan, I’d have married my high school sweetheart. This is something that HSSH and I long ago agreed would have ended in divorce within five years of the marriage. I’ve never been good with checklists, they make me itchy.
Instead we call RP a toolbox. The challenge about toolboxes is that they contain tools. You have to know how to use tools properly or they don’t work. Further, you need to know which tool is the right tool for any given situation.
If you are partnered up, it’s very easy to find the right tool. Ask your man. Should you have long hair or short hair? What does your man like? Should your closet contain dresses or jeans? What is your man attracted to? Stay at home or go to work? What works best for your relationship?
Cue the feminist outrage: “Your own preferences matter!!” they will shout. This is why the [no feminism](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/about/rules/) rule exists, it’s exhausting to put caveats on everything but caveat I will. Of course you should be comfortable with the decisions but if you have a strong preference why are you asking the internet what you should do?
Oh, and if you ask your man’s opinion and he says to use a hammer, don’t insist that the screw driver is better. It will make him crazy and it’s, dare I say it, disrespectful. Ask me how I know.
Now for you single ladies the question are a bit different. You should be asking: “what do men prefer” then “what do the men I am attracted to prefer” and “how limited will I be if I do this thing?”.
An example: I want to get a tattoo - Now a lot of men might be turned off by tattoos so you might want to think twice. However, if your “type” is Mr. Rockabilly then you are probably not going to have an issue with that full sleeve you want to get. It isn’t a problem to limit your options if your girl game is strong. Repeat after me: I don’t need to attract all men, just the right man.
There are some “tools” or strategies that will be consistent across all RPW. This is stated in the sidebar:
We come from all different walks of life, so on RPW you will find harmonious and productive discussions between very religious traditional conservative women and hardcore BDSM submissives and everyone in between. What we all share is not a lifestyle, a set of values, or a worldview, but a way of relating to men.
The biggies are: understanding our own nature, understanding male preferences (and the more nuanced – understanding your man’s preferences), submission, respect, sex. All these deserve their own rambling lecture so we’ll save them for another day while the baby naps.
Before we go, let’s talk about areas of disagreement. This is where the “RP is not TradCon” distinction really comes to light. There are a few topics that are guaranteed to rile up the base. Among these (non-exhaustive): monogamy or polyamory/open relationships, married v lifetime relationship, virginity and partner count. If RP was a checklist then these would all be an either/or choice. Because it’s not, it is entirely possible to be a polyamorous woman, in a lifetime relationship who has a n-count in the double digits and still practice RPW techniques and strategies.
So I challenge you to start thinking about RPW in terms of interactions with men and about how effective something is as a strategy. We can still talk about where to get a cute 50s style dress if you like (I have an adorable one for our Christmas Tea Party), but that dress doesn’t make you an RPW, it just makes you a girl in a dress.