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Understand how he shows love

November 22, 2019

Me and my boyfriend have been together just over a year and a half, and have been very happy! Worked through long distance and two different counties but now we’re together it’s perfect.

Apart from how we express love

I’ve always been a very expressive person in terms of how I show it, and usually I use words and physical affection. I always felt a little like he didn’t feel the same level of love since he didn’t do these things.

I decided to allow him to lead, and I trusted him to show me how he loves me. Since I did that, I’ve realised he shows love by providing! He helps me with legal stuff, pays for major things and also surprises me with small gifts. His love language is just different to mine and I’m so glad I was able to make myself take a step back and to trust him

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Post Information
Title Understand how he shows love
Author bowlcutboy1994
Upvotes 97
Comments 7
Date November 22, 2019 9:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]amadexodus30 points31 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Same here. I am very touchy and affectionate, and I also do sweet things like leave him a note before I leave his place, make his bed in the mornings, etc. Because these are all more traditionally romantic, I worried a little when we first started dating that he wasn’t as smitten with me as I was with him. But I’ve noticed that what has seemingly meant the most to him are when I’ve been his cheerleader at his races (he’s an avid runner/triathlete), and when I support him in his endeavors.

This helped me look at him differently and, as you said, understand how he tends to show love. He is ALWAYS trying to do things for me — he would rather go over the mileage on his car (it’s a 3 year lease) driving out to get me than have me spend a little extra renting a car to go see him. He makes sure I’m taken care of, provides by paying for things, has sacrificed sleep to help me out, and is the most humble and giving guy I’ve ever dated. He even helped me as a friend long before we started dating when my family situation fell apart and I needed somewhere to stay.

I will say that it’s not impossible for a man to evolve when he understands how you want to be loved, and you reward him or tell him how it makes you feel when he does it. My boyfriend has gotten far more affectionate over time once he realized what my boundaries were, so it could be that he also is a physical touch person. We’ve only been dating 3.5 months, so I guess time will tell.

[–]bowlcutboy1994[S] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah it’s possible that he can evolve. My bf is pretty shy, so PDA is 100% not his thing but I’m a very physically affectionate person (different upbringings, my parents showed lot’s of love in front of me while his parents didn’t) so it’s just a learning process. He held my hand in public today and while for most it’s small, for us it’s a step forward! As long as he takes things at his pace, it seems to go well

[–]LateralThinker134 Stars-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah it’s possible that he can evolve.

Don't think of it as evolution. That implies that he's an immature form and not as advanced as he could be. It belittles him. And it's not a small deal - the words we use are the ways we think, and using words like that doesn't do you any favors.

He may grow and change in ways that better complement you. As you may do for him. But evolve? Pass.

[–]bowlcutboy1994[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think every person can evolve, I can and so can he. No person is perfect and we are always advancing and improving ourselves. Just last night I asked him what I could do to be a better wife for him (we’re considering marriage next year) and I chose to evolve and develop in that way. And when I said ‘small deal’ I said it would probably seem like that for other people but it was a big deal for us and I was so happy with that. I’m talking about how things feel in my relationship and to celebrate the small things

[–]AprilJenkins4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

How did you allow him to lead?

[–]bowlcutboy1994[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I basically took an emotional step back. I though ‘if he loves me, he’ll show me’ and then when I see him do all the things he’s done (supported me leaving my home country, introducing me to his parents which is pretty major for a Chinese guy, is always willing to communicate and make things work when he we have disagreements because he wants a future, surprises me with little gifts etc) I realise he cares for me equally, just shows it differently.

Today he introduced me to someone calling me by his surname and also said it looked like we were picking up our own child when we picked up his little brother from school.

I trust in the way he acts, provides, and leads. I don’t question his love or his actions

[–]Taters02902 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What a great story! My husband is the affectionate one. I’ve had to train myself to express with physical affection and words what I’m feeling inside. My love language is acts of service. I’m still feeling the afterglow of him scooping the litterpan for me earlier, lol. He’s amused by this.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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