Understanding RP: What I've Learned and Will Teach My Kids

Taking the "red pill" means that I see the uncomfortable realities of male vs female sexual strategies and goals and I take them into account in my own relationships. RP does not mean that I necessarily like these realities or think they are super awesome but it doesn't matter if I think 2+2 is unfair or immoral - it is what it is. I have come to really appreciate the interesting and complimentary ways the differing strategies have shaped humanity and the solutions we've come up with to balance the pulls. And with RP I can come to acceptance rather than fighting, blaming, or criticizing men (and women) for doing what they do.

I do not like the manipulation of RP - even if men and women are different I think respect and honesty will always result in more goals being met and people being happier than using dread game or women faking or manipulating their appearance or personality to be more "RP". I do believe in being who you are since that's what you'll be best at - even the most powerful women can submit to a powerful man, it doesn't mean she should tamp down her power. She may end up with an ugly powerful man if she isn't gorgeous, but that's RP ruthless truth that most people don't like. Lying about N count, being deceitful by omission, wishing without asking, manipulating with sex, making women afraid you will leave them, supporting pornography (which in my mind is sexual images for men and encouraging women's "100 bullet point" list of Prince Charming/Mr. Darcy must-have's for men), accepting the legal system which is heavily weighed in favor of women who don't live up to the responsibility inherent in marriage and family building, shaming new mothers to lose weight unhealthily, etc....those are NOT RP attitudes or behaviors to me, but that is all my interpretation. I do not agree with a lot in these subs but there's enough truth to find it worthwhile. It certainly won't be in popular culture.

RP can be used differently depending on your goals. Men have an easier time applying RP and a longer timeframe to use it since resources and status and leadership are more complex (but can be learned and add up over time) while the youthful sexual/fertile power women have has a timeline. Women can have children later but why would you do something so important during the decline of health instead of the pinnacle? For a lot of (understandably) angry men, they have decided to give up on having a lifelong partnership with a woman to build a family and raise children. Their goal is to enjoy women but they will age with diminishing meaning to life (my opinion, I totally understand their view but I pity them for it). For a lot of women, they have decided to try to lead instead of being a good dancer in their pair and they will have to put up with lifelong dissatisfaction with men while their female power declines (again, judge/pity). There is a submission/dominance circuit in mammals for sexuality and partnership. It does not mean that a woman is lifeless and spineless but that she puts down the "girl power!" crap that our culture teaches (at the expense of male natural testosterone and aggression and its resulting spectacular risk taking and creative achievements and stability) and submits to the needs of the family and recognizes the great amount of resources that men give to their families and society.

I personally think the long term goal of marriage, family building, and stable communities and societal structures is worthwhile so I pity and judge those who use RP for short term gratification. You will see that in my response overall. But to each their own. For women, RP isn't very useful after The Wall except to be realistic and understanding of what they are up against in the sexual marketplace and their bargaining power. They may still be able to marry a man and both be happy though. There are no guarantees but if I had to risk it, I'm risking young marriage at the shot of a long and happy life together. And there is no time like the present regardless of anyone's age right now.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Women create children - as "sexist" as it sounds, that is what women give to a family and what they have to offer. (So if a man doesn't want a family I agree with some angry men - women are useless other than sex toys and you will attract women who will be able to offer nothing more). Pregnancy/childbirth/childrearing is a HUGE and risky psychological and physical responsibility so women are careful about whom they are giving children to - hence they should be very careful about having sex.

Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Men provide protection and resources to the family unit. Single motherhood is hard now, imagine how hard it would be in harsher times in the past. Women rely heavily on men. (So if a woman doesn't want a family, yes be as Girl Power as you want. But women are finding out that they do want a family, that raising children is often a primal want, and that the costs are heavy and if you thought you were supposed to be "independent" then you don't know how to submit and take the lead with this necessary vulnerability.) Again, pregnancy/childbirth/childrearing is a huge and risky endeavor so men are careful about the women they commit to. It is easy for a man to leave after impregnating a woman and it's not surprising that men leave and selfishly that makes the most sense - it's surprising and beautiful that they stay because they understand the long term game of family building.

The Wall - Appearances give information about health and fertility. RP means that, for women, our first impression appearance is important. We would be silly to demand that men "like me for me!" when our brains are looking for clues about health and fertility. And the bargaining power that women have is stronger the younger we are - it behooves us to find a partner earlier rather than waiting for our 30s. Humans take this to the extreme with body modifications of all sorts because the brain likes easy interpretations. In this sense, looks are not everything and it's silly for older women to try to continue to appear like a fertile teenager, but the importance of looks cannot be denied.

The Wall is where a woman's appearance clues about fertility decline. I've heard the peak is around 24 and The Wall hits hard a few years later.

The Wall is also where the horizons switch. Until the Wall, women have the upper hand in the sexual market. After the Wall, men's resources and status usually increase while women's looks and fertility decrease. A woman gives up her youth and opportunities with potential higher value males in return for long term commitment and resources from her man.

The Wall is extremely hard for women. For most women, we are used to getting attention when we are younger due to nothing but our youthful looks. This drops off as we age. For men, the opposite happens and they are tempted to give up their women and find preWall women. Women have to learn humility with aging acceptance and how to be mothers/coaches/mentors for younger women after the Wall. Women also have to learn to be sexually flirty even when they don't have the youthful power and appearance they once did. The Wall marks the pinnacle of female individual power and starts the transition to mother/family/wife power as the man's power increases and the children need support from their mother.

Modern/immature men do not entirely understand and accept the Wall either - demanding a woman take the shape of a teenage girl after motherhood is immature. Asking a wife to be sexually available is reasonable but asking her to look like a teenager sets everyone up for unmet expectations. Men are giving up access to youth for commitment to them and their children. If men don't want a family they can keep dropping women when they hit the Wall and get younger women as they age. They can do that but if they marry they are setting their children up for pain and desertion, they are breaking the commitment of marriage (which should mean something and is a contract) and I think they just shouldn't marry (and many, sensibly, don't.)

What Men Want - Sex and loyalty; the balance depends on their goals (many children with little resources given or devoted resources to a few children). Varied experiences and surprise/shock experiences drive up dopamine. (This is why pornographic images are so powerful and, I believe, dangerous - our brains can get overloaded with the billions of images of women and other sexually varied opportunities. I think men need to be responsible with their drives because there can be an intolerance to real flesh and blood women. I don't think this is immoral or bad, but I think if you want a strong relationship you should stay away from porn and just have lots of sex with your wife.) Men do want kids, but selfishly (and understandably) they don't want to risk themselves or their resources for children who are not theirs - they need to trust the loyalty of their women. Find you a loyal woman who is attracted to you such that she will consistently have sex with you.

Male responsibility: Be a man. Be logical and powerful and respectfully aggressive and a leader. It will feel "cold" in the face of overly emotional women, especially when the male needs to push the child from the nest. Women want to protect and mother children (not only their own real children, but the inner child they see in everyone....which is why western politics gets more liberal as that overbearing caretaking is run amok)....and this mothering is great when children are young and need it. Once they grow and can walk on their own and mature, men need to push the kids out and teach them how to protect themselves. There is a wonderful nurture/challenge balance at play when feminine and masculine forces are in balance correctly. Be a man and your woman will be attracted to you. Modern women will probably give you loads of BS but their bodies will react.

What Women Want - Genes and commitment of Powerful Men for their children. Women are more attracted to men with higher testosterone when they are ovulating. (Do not date while you are on birth control as the hormones effect your primal ability to choose mates to whom you are genetically attracted.) There is a helpful model of alpha/beta traits when looking for men - it is simplified but all models are. Beta = bonding traits of caretaking, commitment, and love. Alpha = protective and testosterone traits. Find you a man who can do both. Women want the genes of masculine men and they will be hypergamous (be on the lookout and mate with men who are of higher status than they are). You will need to quell this urge and be happy with the man who has chosen you and you are attracted to. It is correct that the female sex drive is stronger than many would like to admit and this is why - because women can and will have sex with men who are above them, but that doesn't mean the men will commit to lower women. Hypergamy doesn't help anyone in the long run.

Female responsibility: Don't give up sex to many men in your 20s - commit to a man early and let him enjoy your youth. The cold exchange is that he will let you enjoy his resources and power as he ages - it's a tradeoff (I realize in the modern world of both men and women working this doesn't always make sense but it's a good general thing to keep in mind with the power of young female appearances). When you allow yourself to be hypergamous in your 20s you're throwing that off balance. I also believe that bonding is like the glue on stickers - the first time you stick it, it is strong and then it gets less and less strong. The more sex you have the less strong your bonding will be with each successive partner. Guard your sexual bonding and be careful who you choose to have sex with. Personally, even though there is birth control my rule was to not have intercourse unless I wanted to have children with that man. That helped me a lot and I'm glad I did that - it meant I wasn't sexually clueless with my husband but I was a virgin because I didn't want to have intercourse with the boys and I was so attracted to my husband that we had sex before we married. (If you can't wait, I think that's a good indication you are pretty darn attracted to a man.) Point out and revel in the masculinity he shows - you will be more attracted to him (against your "intellectual" modern sensibilities, but your body will respond to his aggression and dominance). Learn sexual submission. I think the advice I've seen of this sub to learn to be more flirtatious is wrong - don't learn to flirt with many men, learn to flirt with YOUR MAN and your man alone. You have to discipline your desire to have children with powerful men. Be loyal!!! Keep your word, don't gossip, and don't flirt. Women take for granted that we know our children are ours - men do not have that luxury and loyalty is huge on a primal level that we really can't recognize intellectually. HAVE REALISTIC STANDARDS. You are most likely not an agreeable, high status, beautiful 10 who will attract a perfect Prince Charming/Mr. Darcy 6figure-salary-doctor-with-abs-man's-man-who-puts-rose-petals-in-your-bath. That stuff is female emotional porn and it makes realistic (great) men look like losers to you - it is DAMAGING and women need to cut it out to have a chance to be happy. Learn the discipline to be grateful for what your man does and point it out often and vocally. This speech from Katherina in Taming of the Shrew is beautiful regarding recognition for the gifts men give to their wives and families:

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee, And for thy maintenance commits his body To painful labour both by sea and land, To watch the night in storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe, And craves no other tribute at thy hands But love, fair looks, and true obedience, Too little payment for so great a debt.

How do you have realistic standards? I suggest making a list of everything you can offer a man, and make the equal list of masculine traits. That is the best you will attract. Be ruthlessly realistic. Keep male preferences in mind and just embrace stereotypes even if they are unPC or unfair or whatever.

• You're a female 7 in looks? You will be lucky to find at best a male 7 in looks. You may end up with a 6 who has solid beta traits.

• You want your house to look a "certain" way, your kids to dress the "right" way, and your husband to adhere to cultural memes in fashion and trendiness (high status desires)? You may need to accept a man who demands you look a certain way too and you will need the discipline to keep that up.

• You can't submit or take someone's lead? You will probably end up with a man who can't lead out of fear or modern female conditioning - (this will be dismally unattractive to your primal female desire for masculinity).

• You have bad financial vices - you can't save money and you expect a man to take care of you financially? Then you will need to accept his leadership and not have much of a say if you can't add to the partnership.

However, if you are pleasant and have great friends (not gossipy partiers), you will attract a man who helps others and is responsible with his word.

• If you appreciate the masculine that your man brings, you will be attracted to him and he will stay with you

• If you are a good financial partner, you can help the family

• If you are high in looks, marrying early to a man who will rise in power (or is older and has power) but who is not interested in status will be stable for the both of you.

How to Balance Male/Female Desires: The solution most human cultures have come up with is marriage - a man and woman giving their equal respective sexual market bargaining power to each other and the family unit for long term good. The long term goal of family building is met, men get consistent sex and loyal women so they know the children they are putting resources into are actually theirs, and women get protection and resources to raise those children and their short term, life-threatening investment of creating children is matched with protection and resources for the long term. Marriage is imperfect but it is better in the long run for a stable society than going from mate to mate, creating children and raising them without the foundation of a committed partner. If men do not want their own children it makes no sense - while women are giving up their life potentially to bear children, men are giving up the resource and status improvement that happens as they age. They could have more women and children and leave each woman for a new one, but they do not. And women could keep having children with more and more powerful men but they don't. There are polygamous societies but this means that the top 20% of men get 80% of the women and it wastes the male potential of the other 80% and makes them sexually frustrated. War is an answer to ship off those young men but monogamy allows men and women to 1:1 pair off and more people are overall satisfied - if the women can keep their hypergamous nature in check.

Marriage is a legal contract. It is probably THE most important decision you will make in your life and it has huge consequences if the marriage doesn't work out. Your partner in life will effect everything in your life and your family. BE SERIOUS ABOUT MARRIAGE. In some sense, older generations don't do enough to coach the younger generations and I think that's why I'm on this subreddit. Not that I have all the answers, but I'm happily married and my husband is happily married and we have four young kids. Not everyone has that and I think RP has helped us keep the ship afloat and in the right direction. We are very satisfied with our lives and I wish everyone was this happy with their marriage.

Risks

Men:

• Modern legal system favors the woman - so women marry and divorce and financially rape and emotionally devastate men who have made commitments. Solution: Prenups and clear expectations.

• Women do not submit and they deny their husbands sex and/or manipulate with it. Solution: Do not marry a woman who cannot submit. Do not dare marry a woman who ever "rewards" you with sex or withholds it illogically - she is playing games with her power. I suspect (real) dancing is a good proxy for submission and partnership - men need to lead and be confident and women need to follow. Don't knock it until you try it. Dancing with a good partner is glorious.

• Woman cannot accept The Wall and instead of celebrating others and putting energy into children, chase youth and destruction of others. This is just overall unattractive and unbecoming for the mother of your children. Solution: Find a woman who has spent time with elders. For the woman: embrace mothering skills and tendencies without being overbearing.

Women:

• Men do not value consistent sex while married (if they get it, I am apt to think if they get it they will be satisfied) and "trade up" for younger women, neglecting their children from previous marriages. Wives are usually financially ok but they are past The Wall and have a hard time negotiating for a new partner who will be as good as their previous partner. Solution: Do not marry a man whose focus is on sex. Do NOT marry a man who is interested in pornography. Do not do sexual acts you disagree with but filter men who are focused on sex and not longer term goals. Consistently have sex and practice seeking out and recognizing the masculine in your partner so you want to have sex with him.

• Men do not accept The Wall and demand unreasonable physical youthful appearance. Solution: Keep long term goals in mind together. Marry a man who has spent time with elders. Marry a man who respects and loves his mother and whose mother and father have stayed together and are happy with each other.

If married: Men do not act like Men (either their fault for not pushing despite female emotional tendencies and/or the women do not recognize and celebrate masculinity and instead attack and demean it) and women's attraction wanes, then sex drops off, man is resentful and withholds his responsibilities, woman is resentful and her hypergamy comes out, porn on both sides (sexual images for men and comparing her man to celebrity crushes/Prince Charming/Mr. Darcy for women), lack of trust and satisfaction....divorce/cheating....financial and emotional devastation as the entire structure of marriage breaks down. Both try again with bitterness.....or just date and the market is flooded with jaded humans.

That helps lay out a lot of my initial thoughts on RP. These are the ideas I want to teach my children.

(I'd like to reformat to be more structured and clear but hey, gotta start somewhere. This was a comment on a deleted post.)