I appreciate your advice in advance. I feel foolish to be so brokenhearted but alas here we are. I have been dating a man for a little over three months. Being new to this lifestyle and feeling quite empowered by everything I've learned from this forum, I hung back, observed him and his character, and watched as he lay the tracks towards relationship-ville. He called every day, made plans for dates. Showed acts of service, gave me a bike, helped my roommate move her belongings in, made dinners, brought hommade soup when I wasn't feeling well, introduced me to his friends, took me on a little mini getaway, shared his hopes and dreams and vulnerabilities...
From all of this I gathered we were heading in a really wonderful direction. I had made it known on our second date that I believe in marriage and children and so he knew that from the start. Last we spent time together we went for a beautiful bike ride by the beach (all of these are his ideas) and then while back at home I could tell he was anxious. He then revealed that he would like to be "Ethically non monogamous" and that he still has feelings for his ex (They broke up last summer and from what he told me she was cold, unkind, and unloving towards him)
In the same breath, he said that he loves me, is interested in going deeper with me but would like to see other people. I am compassionate enough to understand that we all have our own personal journeys towards happiness but I felt completely blindsided. When I mentioned that if he would like to date other people then I will be his friend but will no longer be able to be his partner because I believe in monogamy and, quite frankly, you can't have your cake and eat it too. He seem dumbfounded and insisted that we have such a good relationship and that he doesn't want to lose me and wants to go deeper with me and continue the way things are. Now I feel like the bad guy for being "Unreasonable" Am I out of line to feel this is preposterous?
I refuse to vie for his attention and sent him a message today saying that I am thankful for the time we spent together and I wished him well on his journey for love and happiness. I don't plan on dating him. Old me would try to make it work but I have too much love for himself now and know better but I am truly hurt. He was so warm and comforting, so loving, and such a big part of my life. Because of quarantine we became so close. Was this the right thing to do? How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Big love to you all.
EDIT: Thank you thank you THANK YOU everyone for your words of encouragement.💕 A little of the old me was worried I was being irrational (funny how the world conditions us to always feel like we are the problem) and it's so validating to have this community of wonderful women telling me that I did the right thing. Thank you all!