~ archived since 2018 ~


February 10, 2018

General discussion about vulnerability.

What is vulnerability to you? How did you learn to be vulnerable in your relationship/marriage? What positive outcomes have grown from you being more vulnerable?

If you had to advise a girlfriend on how to be more vulnerable, what would you say?

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Post Information
Title Vulnerability
Author vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes 18
Comments 11
Date February 10, 2018 2:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For me, vulnerability was opening up and allowing myself the potential to be hurt. As Brene Brown said, "I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure."

[–]WonderfulandValuable6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think to be truly able to allow oneself to open up one needs resilience to bounce back from hurt and negativity and Intuition. Cause being vulnerable is like a blood trace in the water. Those that mean harm know. I have seen it too many times. I am Abe to let my walls down but I also let my intuition tell me if something is off. Intuition is a wonderful thing, one of the female strengths. It takes nurturing and self control but it is a great aid and guide. Maybe if more women took the time and effort to hone their Intuition They would feel more comfortable to approach the world with openness.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Intuition is an important strength that I personally would like to tap into again...its a difficult trait to cultivate but it's the best way to make that final decision. Do you have advice on how to tap into it?

[–]WonderfulandValuable2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First you need to get to know your most wild, primal and uncivilized part of yourself. You need to learn to listen to it, learn to see "Female Craziness" as an advice to your consciousness.

Example: I get horribly moody and have bad cramps on the period after a stressful month. At first I just tried to fight it and then ignored it afterwards. A few times and then I nearly broke down from the Stress. Another

Now I listen to those things.

Same with that little voice, or the pictures, moods, feelings you get.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Vulnerability is showing my flaws and weaknesses, my "craziness" and being open to either being accepted for them or rejected for them.

Another user once said, vulnerability is the possibility of rejection. Unfortunately you can't develop deep love without being vulnerable and letting someone see deep down who you are.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Vulnerability to me is exposure of my innermost thoughts, my body, my needs and desires, and anything else I hold intimate.

Many people go to their graves never feeling vulnerable. Being vulnerable to another in my opinion is the greatest gift you can offer someone. But also letting someone be vulnerable with you is a priceless gift.

The good news about vulnerability is you can go slow and use your intuition as a compass for navigating that space

[–]Rivkariver2 Star3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Having “soft” emotions and not trying to cover them up and act tough.

[–]carefreevermillion2 Star2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it's being afraid of the possibility of rejection and opening up anyways. I'm a prideful control freak and hate being vulnerable, but I've learned to let my boyfriend see my soft side and take care of me because even when I'm at my most anxious or depressed, he is steady and guides me through whatever I'm dealing with.

Edit: if I was telling a girlfriend who struggled with it what to do, I would tell her to say "I'm having a tough time with my feelings" then to take a minute to write them down or just breathe, and then open up.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have fought being vulnerable (which to me means being helpless) for most of my life and three decades of my marriage. I hate showing tears to anyone and have done a pretty good job of keeping them under wraps until I could have a melt down and a crying jag in private. In spite of my efforts, I still was vulnerable and my husband was fully aware of it. I may have had a smile on my face and sailed through the motions of getting shit done, but he always knew. It wasn't until years into our marriage that he could take one look at me and know immediately that I was upset about something. Now he will coax it out of me and in doing so take the weight off of my shoulders. As for instinct, to me it is the nagging instistence to act in spite of everything telling you not to.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's something you get into after you've made sure you're not dealing with a guy with narcissistic tendencies or otherwise pathological issues. Some guys like this start by trying to drill into it right away, investigating for your imperfections, flaws and insecurities to create to themselves a solid reason not to commit.

This doesn't smell like a potentially good dynamic.

Vulnerability, to me, is a part of true intimacy - you can trust your partner will hold trough and not against you, if you announce to him the darkest sides of you. You'll not be pressurized to talk about it, and the guy is well-rounded enough to understand that there's an amount of flaws and darkness in each person - including himself.

I'm thinking if it looks like a guy is unable or unwilling to feel shame and cleverly keeps pushing your buttons to reveal the nasty - there's a good chance this guy won't be likely to admit to being vulnerable himself - and he just might stretch into the crazymaking territory in the longer term. A bidirectional connection will be impossible.

It's fine if you want to be open to any next guy, but remember, there's always risk involved and you're the only one who is going to suffer as a consequence if things turn out crazy. But suppose, it's a part of life and not really a sin to trust. After a few times of failures, it might be concerning and foolish, though :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To me it's utter honesty directed at myself and being able to accept that I am imperfect and strive for more.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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