I think we’ve all heard about or followed Kate Middleton’s decade long wait for marriage. Although many of us may admire her, I doubt anyone envies how long it took Prince William to propose. For those of you waiting on a proposal, it can be challenging not to get caught in a tangle of anxiety and worry. I’ve come to realize lately that I got caught up in the pressure my family was putting on me to get married. I’m in my early twenties, still very young, yet as many of my family and friends my age around me are getting the ring, I started feeling that pressure and put expectations on myself on how my life should be. If you’re anything like me: young, anxious, and wanting reassurance, this post may help you.
However, please note: This is not a foolproof list and a guy can do all of these right and things still fall apart. This is a list for how to know your man intends to marry you, not how to know he will. But they’re things that I have noticed that have given me reassurance about why I shouldn’t be worried over my relationship’s natural progression:
-”What’s mine is yours.” Does he share his stuff with you? Or does he have that stupid old pickup truck he never lets you drive? Does he keep score of how much money you’ve put towards the relationship vs him? My man certainly spends more on me than I do him, but he prefers it that way and I show my affection towards him in other ways money can’t buy.
-Does he treat you how he would treat himself? My boyfriend appreciates things of high quality. If he’s eating steak, I’m eating steak. If we’re going on a trip, he makes sure we both have what we need. He doesn’t ever leave me to fend for myself. This can even be simply that he asks you what you want from the store when he’s out getting things for himself or if he makes a meal, he makes enough for the two of you. He’s doing things with the both of you on his mind, not just himself.
-Are you his treasure? I'm not quite sure how to describe this one so this is just one example and it may look different for you, but one of the ways my man shows this to me is by gifting me gold jewelry. He is very passionate about gold and likes to collect gold coins for his own pleasure and for financial safety and security. He shares his treasures with me by adorning me in gold. To him, it is more than just a simple piece of jewelry. Unlike diamonds or other precious stones, gold cannot be replicated or made in a lab. And unlike many other metals, gold is everlasting and does not wither away with the years. It’s timeless. He adorns me in one of the most precious metals this earth has to offer and his gifts to me say a lot about how he sees me.
-He’s romantic. Copied and pasted from a previous comment of mine: This is an unexpected one because everyone has a different definition of romantic, but all it boils down to is making extra efforts to show love and affection towards your partner. I had a previous boyfriend outright tell me that he’s not a romantic guy, which, in my head, translated to: he’s a lazy and passive partner who won’t go out of his way for me past the honeymoon stage, if that.
-He takes you out in public. Have you met his friends and family? Does he invite you to important events for him? Has he invited you to accompany him to work events? One of the ways the press gauged how serious Prince William and Kate’s relationship was was when Kate started appearing at Prince William’s formal functions. Up until then, he's never made intentional public appearances with any of his ex-girlfriends.
-Does he have good boundaries with other women? My man and I don’t keep close friends of the opposite sex as a way to protect our relationship, but if you and your man do, are you his priority over his close female friend(s)? Does he go running to them when something goes wrong in your relationship? Is he at the beck and call of his mother? Does he turn down other interested women or does he entertain their company?
-Are you able to speak freely with him about the future without any existing tension with him? Does he include you in his future plans? My man and I can speak freely about our future wedding, marriage, kids, how we would decorate our future home, where we’d live, what kind of dog we’d have, etc. together with no pressure or resistance from either side.
BONUS: He’s respectful to you even while you disagree with each other. If you’re arguing and he pulls out his entire arsenal to hurt you, he doesn’t respect and value you or the relationship as much as you thought he did. I know how to hurt my boyfriend. I know I can do a lot of damage if I wanted to. But no matter how angry or hurt I am, I never pull things out of the vault of things that can’t be unsaid. There are some words that once they’re out there, you can never take back and that can seriously damage your relationship.
In most cases, it’s unwise to rush your relationship’s natural progression for a ring. It takes time to get to know someone and for them to get to know you. For the lovely Kate Middleton, that long of a wait and trial period was necessary in order to vet for the future Queen of England. And while she waited a decade, her wait was well worth it. She got her prince in the end.