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"Waity Katie", or How to Know Your Man Intends to Marry You

March 17, 2022

I think we’ve all heard about or followed Kate Middleton’s decade long wait for marriage. Although many of us may admire her, I doubt anyone envies how long it took Prince William to propose. For those of you waiting on a proposal, it can be challenging not to get caught in a tangle of anxiety and worry. I’ve come to realize lately that I got caught up in the pressure my family was putting on me to get married. I’m in my early twenties, still very young, yet as many of my family and friends my age around me are getting the ring, I started feeling that pressure and put expectations on myself on how my life should be. If you’re anything like me: young, anxious, and wanting reassurance, this post may help you.

However, please note: This is not a foolproof list and a guy can do all of these right and things still fall apart. This is a list for how to know your man intends to marry you, not how to know he will. But they’re things that I have noticed that have given me reassurance about why I shouldn’t be worried over my relationship’s natural progression:

-”What’s mine is yours.” Does he share his stuff with you? Or does he have that stupid old pickup truck he never lets you drive? Does he keep score of how much money you’ve put towards the relationship vs him? My man certainly spends more on me than I do him, but he prefers it that way and I show my affection towards him in other ways money can’t buy.

-Does he treat you how he would treat himself? My boyfriend appreciates things of high quality. If he’s eating steak, I’m eating steak. If we’re going on a trip, he makes sure we both have what we need. He doesn’t ever leave me to fend for myself. This can even be simply that he asks you what you want from the store when he’s out getting things for himself or if he makes a meal, he makes enough for the two of you. He’s doing things with the both of you on his mind, not just himself.

-Are you his treasure? I'm not quite sure how to describe this one so this is just one example and it may look different for you, but one of the ways my man shows this to me is by gifting me gold jewelry. He is very passionate about gold and likes to collect gold coins for his own pleasure and for financial safety and security. He shares his treasures with me by adorning me in gold. To him, it is more than just a simple piece of jewelry. Unlike diamonds or other precious stones, gold cannot be replicated or made in a lab. And unlike many other metals, gold is everlasting and does not wither away with the years. It’s timeless. He adorns me in one of the most precious metals this earth has to offer and his gifts to me say a lot about how he sees me.

-He’s romantic. Copied and pasted from a previous comment of mine: This is an unexpected one because everyone has a different definition of romantic, but all it boils down to is making extra efforts to show love and affection towards your partner. I had a previous boyfriend outright tell me that he’s not a romantic guy, which, in my head, translated to: he’s a lazy and passive partner who won’t go out of his way for me past the honeymoon stage, if that.

-He takes you out in public. Have you met his friends and family? Does he invite you to important events for him? Has he invited you to accompany him to work events? One of the ways the press gauged how serious Prince William and Kate’s relationship was was when Kate started appearing at Prince William’s formal functions. Up until then, he's never made intentional public appearances with any of his ex-girlfriends.

-Does he have good boundaries with other women? My man and I don’t keep close friends of the opposite sex as a way to protect our relationship, but if you and your man do, are you his priority over his close female friend(s)? Does he go running to them when something goes wrong in your relationship? Is he at the beck and call of his mother? Does he turn down other interested women or does he entertain their company?

-Are you able to speak freely with him about the future without any existing tension with him? Does he include you in his future plans? My man and I can speak freely about our future wedding, marriage, kids, how we would decorate our future home, where we’d live, what kind of dog we’d have, etc. together with no pressure or resistance from either side.

BONUS: He’s respectful to you even while you disagree with each other. If you’re arguing and he pulls out his entire arsenal to hurt you, he doesn’t respect and value you or the relationship as much as you thought he did. I know how to hurt my boyfriend. I know I can do a lot of damage if I wanted to. But no matter how angry or hurt I am, I never pull things out of the vault of things that can’t be unsaid. There are some words that once they’re out there, you can never take back and that can seriously damage your relationship.

In most cases, it’s unwise to rush your relationship’s natural progression for a ring. It takes time to get to know someone and for them to get to know you. For the lovely Kate Middleton, that long of a wait and trial period was necessary in order to vet for the future Queen of England. And while she waited a decade, her wait was well worth it. She got her prince in the end.

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Post Information
Title "Waity Katie", or How to Know Your Man Intends to Marry You
Author swimmingindaisies
Upvotes 101
Comments 32
Date March 17, 2022 11:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]-Raksu- 41 points42 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't think anyone should compare their situation with Kate and William's. Royals and the wealthy in general need to be super super super careful. People are constantly trying to con them, I would think.

[–]-Raksu- 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah yes, I just read to the end. A vetting process, indeed.

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, definitely. And with that, Kate has all my respect for her perseverance and strength to be able to deal with how the press treated her all throughout her waiting period.

[–]OmarNBradley 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She broke up with him a few years before their engagement. William was being photographed out and about in London with other young women and Kate was tired of it. They split up briefly while they were still in college, as well.

It's easy to say with the benefit of hindsight that she waited patiently and received her reward, but at the time, she had no way of knowing how it would turn out. I wouldn't advise either of my daughters to wait ten years for any man to propose, unless they met in middle school or something. That's time they'll never be able to get back, and it's also time when all the men their age worth a damn will be settling down. The last thing any woman needs is to spend her 20s being someone's mistress with nothing to show for it at the end.

[–]-Raksu- 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She's certainly got poise.

[–]alexaxl 42 points43 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Step 1: Are you self aware enough to check if you are “marriage stable” yourself ?

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, that’s a great pre-requisite question to address before reading. Thank you for bringing that up. A whole post in itself, although I don’t think I can fully speak on the subject, but maybe one of our more experienced, married RPW can.

[–]leftajar1 Star 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love that this is the top-upvoted comment. Says a lot about the willingness of this group to take personal responsibility for one's life outcome!

[–]Advanced_Bar_673Endorsed Contributor 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for this post!

I see an overall upbeat attitude from my man when we discuss marriage, thanks to using our feminine tools, and it honestly blows me away.

I was worried about us moving in together before getting married, but using the tips in this group and from other sources has really helped me lean in to trusting he will keep his word, the key element of that being that HE WANTS TO marry me and tells me such.

Last night we chatted so happily and casually about it (him: "Babe I'm so excited for us to get married soon") and then he talked at length about his ideal ceremony, ring, honeymoon, etc.

It feels so so good to know he chooses me (especially since marriage isn't a goal for him), and I'm genuinely grateful for him (and this group!).

Tldr if you have a solid, vetted man who shows you you are part of his plan, stay in your feminine happiness and the rest will follow naturally ❤️

[–]girlwithasidecarEndorsed Contributor 10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post. I'm supposed to be working right now so I'll be briefer than is my wont.

Husband and I were together for five or six years before we married. There were some things that needed to be checked off the life list first but he always treated our relationship as though we were in it for the long haul.

We hit a lot of the points you made. Probably not all. I think every relationship is a little different so no one is going to check every point but it's a solid list to keep in mind when vetting.

This belongs in the wiki I think. u/livelylychee do you think this can be added to the wiki somewhere? And give it a star from me.

[–]LivelyLychee[M] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

+1! Congrats u/swimmingindaisies! Keep up the good work 💫

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!! :)

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What a compliment, thank you! I wasn’t sure how this post was going to be received. Much appreciated.

I agree that everyone’s relationship looks different. Some get married in 2 weeks and their marriage lasts a lifetime, and others, 5+ years. People will always have strong opinions on either one and there will never be just one formula to encapsulate everybody.

[–]girlwithasidecarEndorsed Contributor 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

People will always have strong opinions on either one and there will never be just one formula to encapsulate everybody

Yes and I'm always dissatisfied with the concept "if he hasn't married you yet then he's not going to". Certainly that applies some of the time, but there are plenty of reasons that people engage in an extended dating period. It's not easy to find the balance between wasting time and throwing away a good man.

Truly this is the first post I remember that tells women how to decide for themselves if they are on the right track without saying "if he doesn't pop the question soon enough you should bail".

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, there is too much nuance in these situations to give such a black and white answer.

Truly this is the first post I remember that tells women how to decide for themselves if they are on the right track without saying "if he doesn't pop the question soon enough you should bail".

That's exactly what I was intending with this post. I understand this sub has a lot of younger women on it, but it's so refreshing to have a wiser, more seasoned woman sharing thoughts. How invaluable to have someone like you here.

[–]cohost3 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Idk… I think this is a balancing act. Unless there is a valid reason, I don’t think anybody should sit around and wait for years on end.

My VALID reasons are: - the couple is too young (under 25?) - financial issues - recent family death - less than two years in the relationship so they are still vetting.

Other than this - if he wanted to he would! If you’re getting older don’t sit around and wait for him to decide if he loved you enough. If a man feels the need to vet you for a decade, there is clearly a flaw: either with you or with him.

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. I’m not at all saying waiting years is right for everybody or even that you should. Unless you were Kate Middleton or dating a future king, 10 years is an excessive wait. This was just a post on being content through and accepting the waiting period. I think women are more likely to want to rush this period and get married faster than men.

[–]saddensgirl1 Star 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Also, let's be honest, women's SMV declines much faster than a man's as we age and so does our window to have children. If you're near or over 30 and the man says he needs close to a decade to decide if you're worth spending the rest of his life with, then you should gracefully bow out, do some self reflection and healing, and find someone else who is ready to commit.

[–]lorabbba 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is under 25 always bad?

[–]cohost3 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean it depends. 23/24 years old and you have already dated for a few years? Nothing wrong with that. 19/20 have only been dating for a year or two… yikes. In my opinion, it’s better to wait until you are mid twenties to get married. People change so much on those years that you are just asking for trouble by getting married that young or that quick.

People will say “oh I got married at (insert young age) and we have the best marriage, been married for so many years etc, etc.” These people are the exception, NOT the rule. More than half of young marriages end in divorce eventually. It’s not worth the risk, just date longer.

My fiancé and I have been together since we I was 20. I knew right away that I wanted to marry him, but I’m so glad we waited. We are now established and have a solidified the stability of our relationship. We’ve gone through everything together these past few years. Our families our happy and proud of us. If we got engage at 21 or 22 they would have been horrified.

[–]lorabbba 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh. For me I’m 17 now but I’ve honestly always wanted to settle down young. Not after 1 year though, that’s a yikes.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor4 Star 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t think this is a good example.

I think almost every woman in their early 20’s would choose to date a prince for 10 years.

[–]girlwithasidecarEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It seems to me OP was using Kate and William as an example of a couple that dated for a long time and ended in marriage. Of course they are different from the norm but the point is that there are couples that follow this path. And it draws you into the post.

Are you saying her premise is wrong or just that she shouldn't have used a famous couple?

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor4 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you saying her premise is wrong or just that she shouldn't have used a famous couple?

I'm saying that this example specifically isn't the best choice because there is no upgrade or even equal to dating a prince. Where was she going to go if she broke up with him? Like she doesn't have a real choice other than to just wait around and do everything she can to try to get him to marry her.

In relationships where you're not dating a prince there is a chance to upgrade or find someone relatively equal in social status. Like for her this isn't even a once in a lifetime thing, this is a once in multiple lifetimes thing.

Realistically, she never would have gone anywhere. She would have waited forever if she had to, because there is literally no opportunity to do better than a prince.

[–]CharlsonvomDach1 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

Male 28 here. I thought i might give you a male Perspektive on the subject you will almost never hear from a guy. Did you ask him what he thinks of marriage? Most guys i know want a stable, everlasting, monoganumus relationship but don't want to marry.

The reason for that is very simple. Most guys know that about 60% of marriages end in divorce and 90% of almony (not childupport) is paid from men to women. Most women start to tell me at this point how different they are but what they don't want to understand If you want to be successful in life you have to operate on propability not possibility.

A friend of mine got recently married. When i asked him why he told me she suggestes a prenub. Wich he never would have suggestes because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Long story short marriage is a risky bet for a man who have some kind of assets. Every man knows at least somebody who got divorce raped.

[–]girlwithasidecarEndorsed Contributor 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is definitely the red pill perspective and men have plenty of reasons to be concerned about marriage.

It is my experience, that within my husband's network, most men want to marry. This is zoomers through unmarried millennials. I don't know of anyone older than millennials who remains unmarried. There are even divorcees who are looking to remarry. The problem these men face is finding women worth marrying. It's hard on both sides.

So while the red pill pushes men to stay out of the marriage game for their own sake, not everyone is buying into that. Every man has his own reasons and every person thinks they are the exception. From what I have seen though, I'm hesitant to suggest that the decline in marriage is men wanting to step out. It appears more to me that no one wants to buy what the other has to sell and so people are remaining single rather than marrying anyone.

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I have mentioned in my post that we do talk about marriage and I also said this post isn’t a guarantee of any kind that a man will marry even if he checks all these boxes. However, for me personally, they are good signs, along with our discussions, that he is planning his future with me and I wanted to share them with others. I think women on this subreddit, especially, understand the complexities and risks that marriage brings for a man.

Edit: I’m not sure why you feel qualified to post here, judging from your post history: “Women are f-ing idiots” and “Smart men don’t get married.” I think you would be better off on a men’s subreddit.

[–]amadexodus 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wasn't going to respond to this comment, but given your post/comment history, I think I should. Your comment belongs in TRP, not in a women's space. I'll let the mods make their own judgments.

This male perspective is not new to the women in this subreddit. We know that no-fault divorce screws over men. We know about the alimony laws. We know that men are taking a risk when they ask us to marry them, and we're here in part because we aren't interested in plundering a man's resources+wealth via "divorce rape."

I suggest (1) familiarizing yourself with the rules of this subreddit in regards to men participating, and (2) having a look at several of the top-from-all-time posts. You'll find that we're here because we want to become great wives and remain great wives, not to pull a bait-and-switch and become hellcats once we've got a ring. Personally, I consider the vows exchanged between husband and wife before God and family at a church to be far more important and unbreakable than the legal marriage contract we both sign.

Also, I don't mean to be rude....but you made a ranty post titled "Women are f-ing idiots" and then came here to give a Captain Obvious comment about the risks of marriage for men. Why are you here in a women's space?

[–]swimmingindaisies1 Star[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You said everything I wanted to say. I can feel the conviction from your comment, love it.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Given the feedback you have received, you have not figured out how to communicate RP ideas to women and so you should focus your time in the men's space.

Comment removed.

[–]CharlsonvomDach1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

There is no redpill community for men on reddit anymore. It already has been deleted.

Men are not allowed to share an opinion anymore. So i guess i will shut up and won't talk or write to women anymore.

Dictatorship of opinion in a subreddit that calls itself "redpill" doesn't that look a little comical to you?

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


It wastes your time and ours if you are not able to get the women to listen and understand what you have to say. We expect a certain type of man here and in part that is a man in some sort of ltr. Since those are the men we are looking for, their voices are more valuable. We aren't looking for men who eschew marriage so your opinion, while valid in the greater world, isn't valuable for our purposes. Our sub is goal oriented not a discussion group.

And yes we are a dictatorship. It says it somewhere in our rules. We never made any attempts to hide that fact.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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