~ archived since 2018 ~

What are you looking to find when you read here? What is PRW? Maybe it’s time to reassess what this sub is about.

March 4, 2021
115 upvotes

Recently there was a post that complained about the quality of this sub. It was removed because it offered nothing to improve the situation. In the hopes of bringing some more interesting content to RPW I am going to address some of the posts I personally find to be problematic and continue to crop up on a continual basis.

  1. This is not a place to moan about your lost virginity or your n count. This is not forgiveness r us. If you are suffering from guilt, see a priest or a minister. If you are only going to focus on past mistakes and not make any effort to improve things then you are not helping yourself or the women who read here.

  2. This space is owned and run by men. If you don’t like it, don’t visit. Yes, there are some asshole men who comment here, but the mods are doing their best to keep them at bay. Instead, appreciate the male perspective. It is one of the few places you will get honest advice from experienced men.

  3. If you are a not in a relationship, this is not a place to write about your hopes and dreams for a future relationship unless you are making plans to achieve it. It is one thing to ask for advice on how to achieve specific goals. It is another to wax poetically about how things will be, when you are sitting at home waiting for opportunity to just drop in on you.

  4. This is not a place just for trad con or Christian women. There are women from all walks of life who read here. That includes stay at home wives and working wives, liberals and conservatives, childfree women and mothers, and so forth. The common denominator should be the desire to find a good man and keep him.

  5. The wall is not a death sentence. The number of young women who are obsessing about getting old has gotten ridiculous.

  6. If you are blaming all your problems on feminism, you are not being self-reflective.

  7. This is a place for women to share advice, but some women have no business sharing advice because they have no wisdom or experience from which to draw. A nineteen-year-old who tells a woman in a decade or longer marriage to leave her husband is out of line on so many counts.

  8. Just as it takes time for women to learn how to be a good partner, it takes time for men to learn how to lead. The expectations that a man in his twenties should have everything figured out is unrealistic.

  9. Submission is a gift that a woman gives a man who is committed and has proven his ability to lead. It is not to be given lightly to just anyone. Furthermore, submission is not an excuse to avoid responsibility. You cannot expect a man to take care of you and not make an effort to pull some of your own weight. He is your partner, not your father. Grow the fuck up.

  10. If you are not going to contribute to keep this sub a valuable resource, you are part of the problem in its demise. This is an opportunity for you to voice your preferences on how to make things better. Please do so.

There will be those who will ask what gives me the right to make these assertions. For one, I have been reading and commenting here for years, although I deleted an old account a couple of years back. Second, I have been married to one man for 40 years, raised three children, have been a SAHM and a working mom with a full-time career. I am married to a man who needs a great deal of control in our marriage and reading here helps me to understand his perspective better.

What I would like to see is more posts from women who have been in long term relationships and how they approach some of the problems they encounter as wives of dominant men. I look at RPW as a place for women to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of being married to an “alpha male” not as a hand-book to land one. You cannot control attraction. As it has been pointed out numerous times, an alpha male is not the perfect mate. However, some of us ended up with one anyway.

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Post Information
Title What are you looking to find when you read here? What is PRW? Maybe it’s time to reassess what this sub is about.
Author stevierose789
Upvotes 115
Comments 66
Date March 4, 2021 7:14 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-are-you-looking-to-find-when-you-read-here.749536
https://theredarchive.com/post/749536
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lxsn4d/what_are_you_looking_to_find_when_you_read_here/
Comments

[–]stayPositive890117 points118 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

I'm amazed that this sub is owned by and run by men.

Edit: Since this comment has gotten so many likes, I'm clearly not the only one who's amazed. A big thank you to the men who own and run this sub! Really appreciate it!

[–]ejvee32 points33 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had absolutely no idea this sub was run by men.

[–]gretawasright19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same.

[–]merabaid21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And yes these are the most important to me as well as the part about the wall/number count. I'm not Christian, not conservative and I've been in an abusive relationship so I know you don't submit to just anyone.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder32 points33 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

It is surprising, yes, but less so if you think about it.

It was some of the founders at TRP who first had the idea to create, as an experiment, a group for women which could share some of the same insights about human nature, but be a place for women to discuss how to use those insights to pursue their goals.

The reason we had this idea was that women kept wandering into TRP and asking what they could do to better their lot in the relationship market. Since TRP wasn't really cut out for that, and no women had stepped up to create something similar elsewhere on the internet, we had a whack at setting something up ourselves.

At we tried recruiting some sort of tradcon-ish female bloggers to moderate it. This didn't work out so well... we quickly learned that many traditional conservatives are not very interested in interacting with, or sharing knowledge with, women from different walks of life... precisely those who might most need redpill-oriented help. Additionally, we learned that the skills and inclinations of a content creator, and those of a custodian and moderator, are not necessarily the same.

So we get a lot of eager participation on the level of asking, and discussing, individual situations, but in the areas of providing moderation, and more general content, we've had to rely on some of the more seasoned men from TRP to help out (especially with the moderation and preventing fights).

At first I felt like (out of some level of irritation) women just weren't interested in helping other women. But the way I see it now is that women tend to instinctively reserve their efforts for supporting their children, families, and friends... so therefore most of the help they want to provide is personal... directed towards another woman who has asked directly for help and support.

This has meant that TRP has ended up structured much more like a university, while RPW is structured much more like an advice column.

[–]stayPositive8905 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

That's really interesting. You guys are doing a really great job. Thanks for the effort! Really appreciate it!

Plus, the information on wiki is pure gold for women. And there's no bias at all -- maybe a little bit, but it's all in favor of women. You wouldn't be able to tell that men run this sub. It presents the plain truth about the differences between men and women. It has really changed my views on how to approach men. There were a few things I didn't agree with based on my experiences as a woman, but most of it is so true.

Men and women are so different, but women often treat men like their fellow women. I was guilty of that too, but reading through the information on the wiki really changed my views. I apply the lessons I've learned to all the men in my lives -- not only romantic relationships, but to family and friends as well. It has made so much difference. Thank you!!!

[–]WhisperTRP Founder6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Glad it's working out for you.

As for bias, we have a little trick there. We keep out any man who isn't already very successful with women in his own life. Such men have, by definition, received a lot of love and positive attention from women, so whatever resentment they might have ever felt is a thing of the distant past.

In TRP, we deliberately stoke that "incel resentment", in order to get men to develop a spine, value themselves, and stop pedastalizing women. But the trick we play on them, the part that we don't tell them, is that these negative messages about women are a temporary crutch to get them past their old, bad habits... and that once women start responding to their attentions, and even start chasing them, a lot of that anger fades real quick.

If you were to go and read TRP (which I do not for a moment recommend), you'd see some real, raw anger there, and it's legitimate. These men really have been given the short end of the stick. And it takes a while for them to realize that the proper target for that anger isn't women (who are just acting according to their nature in the same way men do), but the people who misled them about what the nature of women is.

In reality, those women have been misled, too. They've been told that men and women are equal, that men and women are both just people, and thus essentially the same underneath. That if you just treat others how you would want to be treated, you'll be okay.

None of that is true, of course. Humans have a huuuuuge amount of "sexual dimorphism", and the sexes behave and think very differently. This doesn't doom us to misunderstandings, however. We can learn how the other thinks, and what they want.

But first we have to dispense with the lie that we think alike.

[–]stayPositive8900 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's very very interesting. You guys have put a lot of thought into TRP movement. I never thought about it that way.

I have gone through r/asktrp once before, and yes, there was so much anger. In fact, I decided to stay away from men who identify as red pill 😂 But, your comment makes so much sense. You guys let them vent while building themselves up, and eventually, the anger fades when women start getting attracted to them.

Very different from the way you approach RPW. Even still, you can see that men and women are clearly different. You have to take different approaches to enlightening them. The r/FemaleDatingStrategy is similar to that of r/asktrp. So much hostility over there, but it's detrimental and counterproductive. They end up pushing away the very same men they desire. They don't build themselves up at all. Instead, they become even more aggressive and entitled. The exact opposite of what men want. They just keep losing touch of their femininity. I used to be a member, but quickly realized what was going on. Luckily, I found r/RedPillWomen.

Thanks again for this. You guys are doing a really great job. There are lots of misconceptions about TRP movement, but when you dig deeper, you realize that there's so much truth to it.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You guys have put a lot of thought into TRP movement.

Well, we've been at this for eight years or so. Gave us time to make a fair amount of mistakes, learn from them, and correct them.

The journey I try to take men through recapitulates my own... I was angry once, too. Angry at the world for not being as I was taught it should be. And it took me a while to realize that I should instead be angry at the people who taught me wrong, because the world is just the world being itself, as it has been all along.

The r/FemaleDatingStrategy is similar to that of r/asktrp. So much hostility over there, but it's detrimental and counterproductive... They just keep losing touch of their femininity. I used to be a member, but quickly realized what was going on.

Ah, yes, FDS. I think the flaw in FDS is that they are comfort-seeking, rather than improvement-seeking. Telling themselves and each other that they are queens and goddesses and have "high value", and that everything that goes wrong for them is men's fault.... well, I'm sure it does help their immediate emotional pain, but it does so at the cost of their long-term prospects for getting better results.

When I have a problem, I always try to find the part that's my fault, because that's the part I have the power to change.

Still, the funny thing about FDS is that it doesn't bother me. I can go there and read all these horrible things they say about men and it doesn't hurt me or make me angry. Ten years ago I think it would have, but now I understand where it's coming from.

Because women are hardwired to be submissive to men, there's a huge problem of trust. When you're going to be that vulnerable to someone, you have to really really be able to trust them, both their intentions and their competence.

I think that frequently women who are the most anti-male, the most feminist, the most angry at men, are those who are very submissive, but have not had good experiences with the men in their lives. That hostility comes from fear of submitting to someone who will not care good care of them, either through incompetence or selfishness.

So I think the women of FDS are really victims of the disconnect between men and women, not merely perpetrators of it. But that doesn't mean I can wave my magic wand and make them listen. Inspiring the kind of trust makes makes a woman really listen to a man is not easy, and I haven't always succeeded even here.

But for me, running both halves of this thing, and looking at things from both perspectives, is what gives me an opportunity to study how that trust gets built, on both sides. Having had the opportunity to do so for many years now has given me lots of interesting stuff to talk about and share. But I've also accepted that the primary task, on the female side at least, is always going to be dealing with the internal questions of "Who is this 'Whisper' guy, anyway? How do I know that what he has to say is worthwhile? Is he trying to manipulate me and teach me to be a 'plate'?".

And that can be a touch hurdle to get over, especially in a culture where women have been fed flattery all their lives, and it's high time to serve them truth.

You seem to have figured out on your own that things that feel good to hear are not necessarily good for you, and people who praise you are not necessarily your friends. That's a good start. The human mind and body, in their natural state, are evolved to seek out things that are good for us... but when we are made sick, for long enough, we can grow to crave things that are bad for us.

I still like the taste of sugar, I just know better than to eat it.

[–]stayPositive8901 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are very wise. I wish more women would find you and listen to you, but sadly, what's good is not always what trends.

I don't know why you took it upon yourself to educate women, but I'm very grateful and I hope more women would find you and listen to you.

You truly have women's best interest at heart and it's very refreshing to see.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

This has meant that TRP has ended up structured much more like a university, while RPW is structured much more like an advice column.

At first this statement seemed demeaning, but after thinking about it, I realize it is true. There are many posts asking for help, but few posts sharing what has been learned. I wish more women would write field reports or open a discussion about RP concepts and how they are relevant to their own lives. However, in expressing my wishes, I have been a perfect example of solipsism in thinking that what I want is what other women want also. I apologize for that.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

a perfect example of solipsism

Nah, it would be worse to think you are so unique that no one else shares your desires or opinions. From what I've seen the desire for other types of posts exists. The desire to create said posts does not exist.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In a way, you have just identified one of the major challenges with instituting a place like RPW as a self-help instrument for women.

Self-improvement requires acknowledging one's faults, which requires being receptive to criticism. If the first overriding reaction to such criticism is to reject it as "offensive" or "rude", then no self-improvement is possible.

Additionally, if one's first reaction to others in trouble is to provide emotional support, rather than useful advice, or criticism that encourages self-reflection, then a valuable opportunity is lost.

'O you of Egypt!' cried the Sheikh, calling to him. 'Come here and sit beside me, for I have heard what you said and desire your company.'

The cripple immediately began to crawl along by the wall, dragging himself upon his hands and body, for he had no legs.

'He is obedient,' thought the blind man, 'though it costs him much labour to move.'

When the man was beside him, the Sheikh took an onion and a date from his wallet and set them down upon the ground.

'Eat,' he said, 'and give thanks.'

The cripple thanked him and taking the food, began to eat the onion.

'You have taken the onion in your right hand and ​the date in your left,' said the Sheikh. 'And you are eating the onion first.'

'This is true,' answered the Egyptian. 'I see that my lord has indeed eyes in his fingers.'

'I have,' said the Sheikh. 'But that is not all, for this is an allegory. All men like to eat the onion first and the date afterwards, for though the onion be ever so sweet and tender, its taste is bitter when a man has eaten sugar-dates before it. But you have begun by giving us the mellow fruit of flattery, and when you give us the wholesome vegetable of truth it will be too sharp for our palates. Ponder this in your heart, chew it as the camel does her cud, and the well-digested food of wisdom shall nourish your understanding.'

The cripple listened in astonishment at the depth of the Sheikh's thought, and he would have spoken out his admiration, but it is not possible to eat an onion and to be eloquent at the same time. The blind man knew this and continued to give him instruction.

'The onion has saved you,' he said, 'for your mouth being full you could say nothing flattering, and now you will think before you speak. Consider how I have treated you. Have I at once rendered thanks to Allah for sending into our midst a young man whose gifts of eloquence are at least equal to those of the Kadi himself? I have said nothing so foolish. I have called you an ass of Egypt and ​otherwise rebuked you, for the good of your understanding, though I begin to think that you are indeed a very estimable young man, and it is possible that your wit may ripen in our society. But now I perceive by my hearing that you are eating the date. I pray you now, eat another onion after it.'

'I cannot,' answered the cripple, 'for my lips are puckered at the thought of it.'

'Neither is truth sweet after flattery,' said the Sheikh, who then began to eat the other onion himself.

[–]merabaid0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for sharing this. Knowing the intentions and genesis of this sub helps put it into perspective.

[–]amadexodus-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I also did not know this

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I tend to agree with many if not all your points.

In broad strokes: we are only ever going to be as good as our members. Maybe it's because I'm getting older but it does seem like the membership is younger than when I first came here.

It is my personal opinion that RPW shines when dealing with existing relationships. No one can vet your date for you. What we know best is dynamics between genders. I've written a lot in the past dealing with that. There are some general trends about what men want but we can't tell you the specifics of what a particular man wants (which is why things like education and ncount are controc). We can help you find the words to interact with your husband or ltr or know when to stfu.

I'm all for helping younger women reach their goals for relationships and family and that should be done by younger people sharing their experiences through field reports. I don't know how to date in 2021. And anyone asking advice is an unreliable narrator, so giving good advice that is also RP is tough.

All that said, I do not know how to inspire people to take an active roll. As of late I've learned the limitations that motherhood places on your life. I imagine I'm not the only person participating here who has similar limitations.

In less broad strokes:

  1. Yes. We need to stop glorifying virginity. Purity culture can be as harmful to your mental wellbeing as promiscuity.

  2. Maybe this is why I was made a mod but I believe that the right men have a place here. I also think that women tend so much towards consensus that the men are what keeps us on track insofar as RP theory goes.

  3. Yes. This is related to the post I want to write (maybe once the terrible twos are over) for a guided self assessment

  4. I've been beating this drum forever. You can join my band.

  5. The wall is a warning to women to plan their time accordingly. It's not something to fear or ignore. Women should not listen to men's gloating opinions about it.

  6. Yes. And I do not consider myself a feminist. That said, I understand the desire to have a place to complain about the impact of a very mainstream ideology. That can't be the focus of the sub or your life. Don't define yourself by what you are not.

  7. People need to use better judgement when giving advice. Across the board. I will not elaborate here because there are several common missteps. Maybe a post one day.

  8. This is one of the missteps mentioned above. As women we have a hard time cutting men slack when giving advice. Men should be more vocal explaining where a well meaning bf or husband might be coming from.

  9. I've written a bit on this in the past so I'll just nod in agreement about being a full person.

  10. I am always available to review posts or suggest topics or help get things started implemented whatever. Happy to be a resource for anyone who wants to provide more to the sub.

[–]stevierose789[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am always available to review posts or suggest topics or help get things started implemented whatever. Happy to be a resource for anyone who wants to provide more to the sub.

Thank you for the time and effort you dedicate this sub.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's easy to make the offer, I can count on one hand the number of times anyone has taken me up on it 😛

[–]clitorophagy32 points33 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes on number 5. Women can retain market value into their elderly years if they stay feminine and fit and pleasant to be with bonus points for good cooks with brains. I was downvoted for suggesting this here before, and I always wondered if it was men or women who didn’t like the idea, and how old they were

[–]stevierose789[S] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't pay attention to downvotes. In fact I often forget to hit the up button. You never know if it is trolls or legitimate readers. Plus, I'm not here to be part of a popularity contest. Too often bad advice is upvoted because of herd mentality. Please don't hesitate to share your views. We need more input from women who aren't in their first rodeo.

[–]clitorophagy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Downvotes don’t hurt my feelings but I do wonder about the psychology of it.

[–]stevierose789[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To me, the psychology of it is simple. People who invented social media quickly realized how addictive it was. This is because of the rush, the feel good response to positive feedback that hooks people and every "like" or "upvote" adds to the temporary high and furthers the addiction. I would not be here is I did not have some form of addiction to social media. It didn't take me long to figure out it is best to delete face book and linked in and instagram. the only two sites I couldn't give up was here and pinterest, and I never post on pinterest. This is the only site I post or comment on and I take care to use discretion when I do so.

[–]ihopemewingworks10 points11 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this. I hope there can be more tips on certain topics rather then always trying to help people with personal issues, I think that's fine too I just think majority of it should be subjects on intresting things. I remember when I first became a member that's what it was mainly about, how to be more feminine, how to be a stay at home mum, things to improve on etc etc. I read RPW less now because it's often just advice giving yo people's personal issues and the issues I often feel is so idk basic, like it could be figured out (maybe that's rude to say) but yeah I miss the old rpw

[–]stevierose789[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am hoping this post and its comments will inspire other women to step up and contribute more content that is relevant to the wider audience of women who read here.

[–]ihopemewingworks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I hope so too! I think it will 😊

[–]__CitrusJellyfish5 points6 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Also, there was a previously pinned post about this - but giving advice to women in seemingly abusive or controlling relationships is beyond the purpose, and above the expertise and pay grade of this sub reddit. I add this only because I’ve noticed many women in financially, emotionally, physically abusive relationships asking for stay or go opinions

[–]merabaid0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Well I don't mind giving that advice because I think it's important and related to this topic but if there were more topics generated in this sub about healthy relationships it would be more clear for those in that type of relationship that they deserve better and what to look for and that's very possible.

[–]__CitrusJellyfish0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

I think professionals working in this space should be the only ones to advise a women on how to respond/ next steps in evaluating the risks of non-action, or exiting an abusive relationship. Some of the comments/ suggestions on these previous posts have included things like confrontation etc. which could aggravate the situation further. These posts are often without much context, so really it should be left to a professional who can evaluate the full picture and devise an appropriate course of action

[–]merabaid1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I get where you are coming from but I know if it hadnt been for a community like this I wouldn't have seen my relationship as abusive and escalating. Maybe a pinned post with appropriate responses/resources could help but there will still be people who don't think there is anything wrong with their relationship without a direct response. Some moderation of inappropriate responses might help.

[–]__CitrusJellyfish1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah these posts need to be closely monitored, but if there’s too many that can be hard to do. I worry about less experienced commenters trying to contribute their 2c but actually providing counterintuitive and potentially risky advice

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah these posts need to be closely monitored, but if there’s too many that can be hard to do.

Monitored by whom? This is not some kind of affiliated site under the watch of so called professionals. Instead it is a place for women to connect, share there experiences, and learn from each other. If women are seeking professional advice they sure as hell are not going to find it on reddit. Furthermore, if you are a professional, you are not going to dispense advice on reddit.

[–]__CitrusJellyfish0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, which goes back to my initial point - this sub reddit isn’t a place to seek or provide advise for people in dangerous/ abusive relationships. There are other sub Reddits which are probably better set-up to offer peer support and resources for people in these situations, but that is not the scope of RPW

[–]ihopemewingworks-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that it's okay for people here to say this might be abusive you really should go and see a professional. And even if it's not abusive and just badly behavior you can make them see that. People who are in a abusive relationship dosent always know it, I don't think anyone should tell them how to deal with it since it can be dangerous. But telling someone this sounds serious and maybe abusive you should talk to a professional I think can maybe even save someone's life

[–]merabaid0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. You have a very good point.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think professionals working in this space should be the only ones to advise a women on how to respond/ next steps in evaluating the risks of non-action, or exiting an abusive relationship.

That is the ideal scenario, but it is not realistic. How many professionals visit this site? The next best thing is to listen to the voice of experience, and glean the nuggets of wisdom you find.

[–]__CitrusJellyfish0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

They should be given links to services in their area - often the ones responding aren’t the voices of experience- it’s people trying to add their 2c without realising that their ‘action plans/ advice’ could put the person in danger - e.g. confronting the person, issuing them with an ultimatum

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

They should be given links to services in their area.

This entails a great deal of time and effort to provide links to God knows how many areas that would need to be researched. Whisper asked for a poster to do exactly this after she suggested it and it never materialized.

[–]__CitrusJellyfish3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly, so RPW isn’t the place for seeking out or providing this sort of advice. r/domesticviolence regularly post links to resources and keep these up-to-date

[–]merabaid21 points22 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Maybe it'd help to have flair like other subreddits have like: beginner, intermediate, advanced, expert

That way people know who they're getting advice from.

[–]stevierose789[S] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I believe others have suggested this in the past. It seems like a good idea to me too, but there may be a reason it was not put in place. Maybe it will be reconsidered.

[–]golden_eyed_cat0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

There used to be a system where the top contributors were given stars, but recently, not many people have received them.

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

There still is.

[–]stevierose789[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't think stars are the answer. You can get a A on a paper, because you were able to write about the said topic. It doesn't mean you have mastered the course. Besides, I don't think it is a matter of endorsed contributors. I think women want to know more about the other women here. What is wrong with flairs that give some kind of insight into who you are interacting with?

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We tried that for a while, it was a failed experiment. People tend to assume relationship status equates to being an expert, which is not at all the case.

In addition, it caused people to get much more aggrevated when seeing people post with male flairs, ignoring entirely whether the advice was good or not.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I can see now how that would create problems.

[–]golden_eyed_cat1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's great! Were there any people that were recently gifted stars, and is there a way to nominate someone?

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Mods and ECs can grant people stars automatically. But if you see someone worthy of a star message us in modmail and we'll take a look.

[–]merabaid3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree with everything you're saying. I'm new here to this sub not to the philosophy if you want to call it that. I've seen a lot of the problems you mention and so glad to see I'm not the only one who sees the behaviors and assumptions you listed as problems.

I'm here essentially for the same reason as you and to help steer others in the right direction merely by sharing what I've been through. An abusive relationship first before my healthy relationship I have now. I'm also a mom in my late 30s not as much experience as you but definitely settled in a comfortable place.

[–]stevierose789[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I am happy you agree. Perhaps you could share what you have learned as a field experience. I am sure a lot of women would benefit from your insights.

[–]merabaid1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I guess I've been kinda trying to make sure I actually fit in before I comment too much. Your post has made me feel like I belong in this sub. I'm not sure how/what to share until I see others' posts and responses but I could try.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just talk about what you learned from the first relationship and how you applied that knowledge to end up in the happy relationship you are in now.

[–]merabaid0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can do that. Thanks for the push.

[–]MjauLady[🍰] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I have been following this sub for about a year and I could never really grasp, what it actually was about. There are/were no clear statements. Finally, this kind of settled my questions about this sub.

[–]stevierose789[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So what were your questions? What answers did you find that were settled? Do you feel comfortable here now or not? I really hope you will try to explain what clarity was missing here for you. There is so much to unpack here because of the acronyms like awalt, smv, just to name two, On top of that you have a wide variety of opinions, many that conflict with each other. Please elaborate, even it just to satisfy my own curiosity. PM me if you must.

[–]MjauLady[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's gonna take me a while to get back to you with comprehensive answers. However, I most definitely will

[–]stevierose789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. I will hold you to it.

[–]Mosagun1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I’m not extremely well-versed in red pill ideology but I read here to learn more about it, especially concerning how women can apply it. It makes sense to me that men and women are instinctively attracted to different qualities and want different things from their partners based on how we evolved, and the red pill seems to support that.

On a more personal level I want to know according to these ideas how desirable I am, how to reach my relationship goals, and how I can be a great girlfriend/wife who meets my partner’s needs as a man.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

So ask these questions, but do so in manner that will benefit more women than just yourself. We all seek answers to these questions. If you present your questions in a way that opens the discussion to many women, instead of focusing on the specific answers that only pertain to you, it will garner many more valuable responses.

[–]Mosagun0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do specify my circumstances but I still get responses that could be applied generally to other women, especially ones in my position. There have been some wide-ranging conversations about how to proceed with dating, how much to consider men’s preferences, how to reconcile RP ideology with individualism, and other things that went far beyond my personal situation.

[–]stevierose789[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I still get responses that could be applied generally to other women

This is a win win, you get the answers you seek and other women benefit from them

[–]Mosagun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes! This sub has been so helpful and insightful. I was apprehensive about participating because I expected it to be more of a reactionary, female version of TRP but it’s much more tolerant and civilized than that.

[–]sushi_303 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

9!! Yes. Haha, fucking love it.

Also 4. Thanks for this.

[–]aussiedollface20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with your post thanks for sharing xo

[–]ProFriendZoner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Much like the mens TRP sub, you get newbies posting here that don't have a clue what "Red Pill" is. Whether it's their man or themselves. So, you just have to keep trying to educate them. And yes, it's a pain in the ass, but the mods here, and most of the posters, do a great job.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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