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What happened to this sub? It used to be about improvment

luckymonstera
March 1, 2021
163 upvotes
/r/RedPillWomen

[removed]

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/RedPillWomen.

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Post Information
Title What happened to this sub? It used to be about improvment
Author luckymonstera
Upvotes 163
Comments 31
Date March 1, 2021 1:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-happened-to-this-sub-it-used-to-be-about.1191920
https://theredarchive.com/post/1191920
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lv9sqv/what_happened_to_this_sub_it_used_to_be_about/
Comments

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 53 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The people asking for advice will always represent the "worst" of a sub because you are seeing their problems. This is ok when we also have members writing instructional or theory posts or even discussions.

For some time now the overwhelming majority of the sub has been advice based.

I encourage people to put up more content and discussions. This keeps the spirit of the sub on track and helps guide new readers.

I can help if ladies are interested in collaborating with each other or simply want a set of eyes on a post before posting.

[–]whatdidshewrite 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the problem is that people start here by airing their problems, and once they finally “get it” (i.e. they can fix their problems on their own), they leave and so again you are left with the newbies that haven’t figured it out yet

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree, it seems to be a lot of, “I feel as though I’m unattractive or x,y,z, so is there any hope for me to find a masculine man?”

It’s no longer a reliable source for me on femininity, marriage and dating strategy, etc. Though in the past I used this sub to help me drop my “hamster habits” and become a woman worth marrying (& I did end up marrying an absolute dream of a husband) it seems like all I see are posts complaining or seeking reassurance that they might find a partner. Very few posts bring real sustinence to the table anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE our sub and community, I just hope we can take a turn for the better soon!

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]i_cri_evry_tim 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this is it.

I am a man and I lurk here mostly because my wife often uses my phone and tablet and she has some of “her subs” on my account.

What you are saying here is the same reason why a lot of TRP looks like it’s made up solely of and for angry, misogynistic dudes.

[–]momentsofnicole 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ladies, remember that we are also supposed to OYS

[–]star-dust96 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is oys?

[–]momentsofnicole 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Own Your Shit. It means acknowledging your faults and then also dealing with them.

Unhealthy? Get fit.

Got trauma? Get therapy.

Low skilled? Get skills.

Lonely? Go to a hobby club.

Need help with your shit? Come here.

But first, find out what your shit is and admit it to yourself. This is not and should not be a place to assure ourselves that we are enough. Why? Cuz that's just an excuse for not striving to better ourselves.

We should all be striving to be the best we can possibly be. This means

Emotionally

Spiritually

Physically

Mentally

We got this beyond just saying "we got this".

/rant

[–]anonymous-mww 17 points18 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

My guess is men from the red pill are infiltrating this sub.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Men are allowed here under certain constraints. It's actually more common to find random dudes with no TRP participation than it is to find TRP spilling over

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The idea behind the trp requirement is this: men who come here are supposed to be able to teach RP theory. The way they prove they understand it is by putting in their time on the men's subs.

Men should be helping other men first and foremost, not simply coming in to help us little ladies. If a guy hasn't spent time helping other guys then this shouldn't be his first stop.

The education thing (as well as a few other points of RP theory) is complicated. We can talk more about it if you are interested but ultimately we allow some of those comments because they are in line with RP. There is some nuance when reviewing these types of comments.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]goblinkate 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I noticed this as well and I'm the new member who is still somewhat unsure and building the full picture in my head of what RDW means exactly, so I got alarmed over a few posts thinking I might have had made quite the mistake when joining in on discussion and such. Mostly because I was recently blocked from another sub that I like and think is important because of my participation in RDW - and I thought, you know, what for? This?

Honestly, I'm glad that this is something pointed out here as not really okay, because I would have had no idea.

There was a post a few days ago where the lady asked how to give more to the husband now that their kids are older and she has more time on her hands and someone quoted 1950' book that said "wait for him at the doors when he comes home and smile" and I immediately thought of the movie The Stepford Wives where the women were turned into a robots made to serve the husband.

Like I may be wrong and I would actually like to be corrected but: a red pill women I thought, is someone strong and feminine in a relationship based on traditional values from which both sides benefit, where they support each other, and where both grow together and help each other to be better versions while maintaining the feminine and masculine side of the relationship accordingly.

I'm in for the femininity, traditional values and building an actual relationship, not to be turned into a robot. Am I at the wrong place?

[–]golden_eyed_cat -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

In my opinion, waiting for your partner at the door and smiling af him when he comes home can be a very sweeg gesture! You don't have to be a robot or doormat to do so. Also, a redpill woman is exactly as you described. She is strong, feminine and sees value in getting and maintaining a happy and healthy relationship based on traditional values, as well as grounded in reality.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]golden_eyed_cat 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are many reasons why people downvote. In my opinion, just because someone disagrees with me, doesn't mean that their opinion is invalid and their relationship is destined for failure. There is no "right" way for happiness on both sides. In fact, I think it's safe to say that every couple has their own way for happiness!

[–]DelicateDevelopment4 Star 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

There was a post a few days ago where the lady asked how to give more to the husband now that their kids are older and she has more time on her hands and someone quoted 1950' book that said "wait for him at the doors when he comes home and smile" and I immediately thought of the movie The Stepford Wives where the women were turned into a robots made to serve the husband.

Like I may be wrong and I would actually like to be corrected but: a red pill women I thought, is someone strong and feminine in a relationship based on traditional values from which both sides benefit, where they support each other, and where both grow together and help each other to be better versions while maintaining the feminine and masculine side of the relationship accordingly.

I'm in for the femininity, traditional values and building an actual relationship, not to be turned into a robot. Am I at the wrong place?

The fact that you manage to turn the answer "wait for him at the door and smile" into something that makes women house slaves or robots really shows how much you have to learn. It also makes me question you intentions for writing your comment.

Would you not be happy if you come home and your husbands opens his arms and invites you with a smile?

How can such a basic human gesture of joy about seeing ones partner that will make the other feel nothing more than loved and appreciated be interpreted in such a negative way?

She can be concerned with all her business the entire time and everything that the poster you mentioned stated is that she meets him in a friendly balanced open mood?

This sub is about how to make a relationship a place worthwhile to stay and although traditional values may contribute to that, traditional values are not the main focus of this sub.

Would you over 30/40/50 years be happy to come back to a place where you are not welcomed?

[–]goblinkate 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Please don't get me wrong - what I mean is that there's a robotic and augmented undertone to "waiting at the doors". If you're excited to see your husband when he comes home, then, by all means, show that by going to wait at the doors when you see him pull over to the house. Surely, I would if the timing was right, but should you do that every day? Wouldn't it make you feel a little bit like a maid?

The thing I'm concerned about is balance.

Welcoming gesture can be less staged than waiting at the doors. Welcome can be when a husband comes back to the wife finishing up with a dinner for him, or running a bath. Or everything at the house just simply done and 100% ready for his arrival so that he can just kick his shoes off and relax in his wife's company.

What I'm trying to say is that showing love through learnt behaviour might not feel so genuine...

Maybe my love language is different than somebody who agrees with the waiting at the doors, and that's all right.

Also, yes - by all means, I said myself I'm new and I have a lot to learn still. You're not wrong there either.

[–]DelicateDevelopment4 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't see it so literal, it is rather about the spirit and doesn't mean every evening throughout the years. To me it reads "you don't have to make a bit fuss, if you generally act in ways that he can look forward to when he comes home every day" or "if you want to make him happy, try to generally have a welcoming joyful atmosphere at home, that is all that is needed".

However that will then look like depends on the two individuals and their preferences.

Also, I would like to add, that although it might be easier for couples when they have the same love language, this is not neccessarily the case. And when one wants to show love or appreciation or make the other happy one should try to use the language of the other and not infer from ones own preferences to the preferences of the other 🙂 and the question you referred to was her asking about how to make him happy.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

RPW readers, in general, are much more reluctant than TRP readers to write articles and start articles. This means that the group is much more question-driven than TRP is. You, yourself, /u/luckymonstera, have written only three comments and this post in RPW.

In general, complaining about lack of content is a lot easier than generating that content, or even getting others to do so.

I recall one young lady I worked with personally, through PM, all the way from "I'm so lonely, why don't men pay any attention to me?" to a marriage proposal from a cardiothoracic surgeon, who then procrastinated, dragged her feet, and eventually vanished when I asked her to give back by writing a single "field report" summarizing what she had learned, what worked, what didn't, etc.

I've come to accept that women are generally not as reciprocal as men are... receiving value doesn't really instill most of them with the urge to give value in return. As such, RPW is, and will continue to be, largely a question-and-answer sort of forum, and won't really develop any progression in understanding of the male mind.

That's okay, this is only a side project for me, and individual non-baking eaters can always be removed if they complain too obnoxiously about the lack of enough cookies to go around.

[–][deleted]  (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]WhisperTRP Founder 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

You liked some of what you found here, but you show no gratitude to the people who created it.

You want changes, but you are unwilling to contribute effort.

You want other to take criticism gracefully, but you are unwilling to do so yourself.

You want politeness, but you practice none.

It is much easier for me to show you the door than to talk you out of your sense of entitlement. Additionally, the group loses nothing from your absence, because you are a net negative producer. You contribute nothing, and set a poor example for others.

You ask "why would we participate?".

Answer: you wouldn't. Your participation adds nothing. Goodbye.

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy Link

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[–]WhisperTRP Founder 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

As an afterthought, I realize I am no better than the poster because I did not offer any contribution that would make things better.

To some extent. I realize that having comments (and indeed posters) deleted may seem harsh or even counterproductive, but one has to consider it from the perspective of trying to keep the group useful as a whole.

It's very hard to get women to contribute... I think perhaps women instinctively reserve their investments of time and energy for their families, while men are more geared to participating in larger projects. Regardless, the strict limitation on our resources means that the mods, and ECs, and I, have to focus our efforts on those who don't first have to be talked out of entitlement and blaming all their problems on others.

If someone shows up to the house empty-handed, asks where the cookie jar is, then sits on the couch complaining that there aren't enough gluten-free cookies (because she has an allergy), while only two or three of the women there are willing to be in the kitchen with their sleeves rolled up, baking, then I tend to have a certain urge to show her the door, and let her go find her own cookies.

This is because I know from experience that getting her to understand that metaphor, and how selfish she is being, is a slow and painful process, requires a lot of personal attention on my part, and has no better than a thirty percent chance of success. That time I would put in would be better devoted to writing articles, or giving advice to someone who is better primed to receive it.

It is especially frustrating when the non-contributors complain about male participation. While a great number of male drive-by commentors do indeed have to be shown the door (and the mod team speedily does so), a great deal of the effort that sustains the group comes from a few men, who do a lot of modding and other tasks with very little visibility or thanks, most notably /u/CrazyHorseInvincible and /u/EpicLevelCheater.

This idea that I would limit their participation based on the say-so of someone who just wandered in off the street is not only inappropriate, it's annoying. One of my most deeply held opinions is that ungrateful people are trash.

So I am willing to write a post asking women what insight they seek when they come to this site.

I would greatly appreciate that.

I started following RPW because I was married to a man who needed a lot of control in our marriage and it helped me understand his perspective. I am still learning about how men think.

It's perfectly okay to articulate your thoughts in posts even if you aren't the world's greatest expert. Each step in the understanding process is important, and if you articulate your thoughts, then others can have something to discuss. And, hell, if you're wrong about something, then maybe someone can notice that and talk you out of it.

I believe most women came to this site originally for this purpose, but now are disappointed to find it to be a handbook on how to attract an alpha trad con male and tells them the only tools they have are their looks and their virginity. I know this is not your teachings, but nevertheless it comes across that way.

Absolutely.

Especially the virginity part. A large partner count is not a cause of not being a "keeper", it's something that happened because she wasn't a "keeper". There are lots of 16-year old virgins running around at this very moment who are already unsuitable partners, and will have N-counts of 10 or so by age 20, because their behaviour is wrong.

Behaviour is the easiest thing about ourselves to change, and it produces the greatest results with the opposite sex. And this is what I try to teach.

I have, however, accepted that it is an uphill battle, and you're only going to get a few victories here and there. Messages about how to vet, and how to reject unsuitable men, are much more appealing to women than messages about how not to get vetted, and how not to be an unsuitable woman that men will reject after one night of sex.

This is why FemaleDatingStrategy is three times the size of RPW, and growing rapidly.

And that's okay. It's always been easier to get people to eat donuts and wheat thins and low-fat microwave frozen meals than fresh vegetables and grass-fed beef. Those people are gonna wind up fat, yes, but that doesn't affect the rest of us. We can still treat our bodies, our minds, our partners, and our lives in the right way, and reap the rewards.

If RPW never develops into anything more than a place where the few women who are willing to listen can meet the few women (and men) with the right knowledge to impart, then I am satisfied with that.

[–]DelicateDevelopment4 Star 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's very hard to get women to contribute... I think perhaps women instinctively reserve their investments of time and energy for their families, while men are more geared to participating in larger projects.

I think for us it is easier to be able to adress thoughts specifically towards somebody and give opinions or advice on something. Picturing an audience without having individual persons and their situations in mind seems to be more difficult. We tend to find the reasons for situations rather in psychology (character/intentions) and less in facts and since psychology is so individual it is very difficult to derive a generalized picture from it. Particularly since almost everything in psychology is only based on assumptions and not facts, so the relationships and conclusions are very difficult to prove or defend.

It is much easier to share advice about a particular situation and go into the details of feelings than trying to express intuition/feelings into a logically consistent way. I assume that most of us understand intuitively what is needed as soon as we click.

But that is just my personal impression with respect to the observations I have made over the years.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]WhisperTRP Founder 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's kind of you to say.

I tend to think of it more as resignation to the fact that the universe is big, and I am a very small percentage of it. I can't please everyone, and I can't help everyone, and I can't fix everything.

But I can focus on a person in front of me, and try to tell them what I wish someone had told me, long before I learned it the hard way.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]WhisperTRP Founder 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't have a point, you have resentments.

Sure, there are some people who won't play ball unless they can own the field. But there are fields everywhere. If you want to build, go. Fly. Be free. Build something spectacular. Good luck to you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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