I'm in a fairly newly committed relationship that is pretty redpill thanks to following redpill over the past six months.

Once we were definitely exclusive/committed, we had sex. This was a no-brainer for me because I wasn't going to give something up (another N count) before he committed, and giving that up too early only weakens my SMV if I had gotten pumped and dumped.

My BF has made some pretty extreme sacrifices for me, as well, including actively avoiding a female friend he knew I was uncomfortable with. To him, this was a bit ridiculous because even though he knew she was into him, he would never hook up with her. To me, it didn't seem as ridiculous because she was ruthlessly hitting on him all of the time and it made me uncomfortable. He gave up talking to her/avoiding situations that would include her for me. He's wonderful.

I [25F] am a rower, and last year I was on a masters' rowing team when an old coach reached out. The entire team consists of my friends' parents, and they needed someone who knew about rowing and boats to help out. This year, I started attending practices but my boyfriend was sketched out because he didn't know who I was rowing with. I offered for him to come/meet them but he wasn't too into the idea so I slowed down my commitment to the team/made it clear I'd be coming out less because I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. He seems to think I'm rowing with hot, 20-something men and that's not at all what I'm doing.

These people last year started relying on me, and since I suddenly slowed down my commitment to the team, they are constantly in need of a replacement coxswain (boat steerer) and I hate letting them down because they are my friends' parents. So occasionally they will ask for help, and if I don't have any plans, I go. However, I have stopped going the past few weeks because it was putting a strain on my relationship and it just wasn't worth it.

My dilemma: Out of some sort of miscommunication, the team is relying on me to cox them in an upcoming race. I think they understand now that I never meant to commit, but that doesn't change the fact that if I back out, I am preventing two boats from racing because it is too late to find another coxswain. Not only would I be screwing over half of my friends' parents for this race, I think they'd be pissed off enough to not ever let me back on the team. I feel it would be wrong to back out of the race. These are good people that sincerely thought I was going to help them this weekend. I also don't like cutting ties with good people; nor do I like ruining the possibility of rowing in the future.

If I went, it'd be the last rowing event I attend until either my relationship can handle rowing or until we break up. I'm prepared for that to be never. Unfortunately, going also means that I am knowingly, intentionally pissing off my boyfriend.

However, if I don't go, I feel these people wouldn't forgive me. I'd be ruining my chances of rowing with them in the future, and I'm not sure I could find a team I like as much as them. Rowing is also something that makes me the person I am, and in my opinion, adds to my SMV. If I piss these people off and my relationship doesn't last, I'm losing something else I care about, just not as much as my current boyfriend. I really wish there were a way for me to back out without screwing over the team/find a replacement but it's too late.

I talked to him about it, and he said in a rather pissed off tone "go I trust you" but I can tell he's NOT happy about me going. I tried to get him to come with me to just see that I'm just helping out married people (both men and women) twice my age who I have no intention on doing anything weird with and even told him I thought he'd have a fun time spectating, but he said rather coolly he didn't want to come. I told him I didn't want to go if he didn't want to come and he just said "do what you want, stop making this about me." This makes me feel now that no matter what I choose, I'm going to upset him, because if I don't go, he'll assume I'm not following his advice and making it about him but bringing up the subject in the first place pissed him off and if I go, I'm also pissing him off. I hate pissing him off. I also hate pissing of my friends' parents.

I'm still just uneasy about the whole thing.

Can someone convince me it's worth it to make this sacrifice? My gut tells me I shouldn't have even mentioned it if I didn't want to strain the relationship but I also feel really scummy burning bridges with/ruining races for 12 people.

EDIT: I haven't talked to my friends about this because I don't think they'd understand and simply say "wtf that's a ridiculous thing to give up for a man" -also sorry for the grammar mistake in the title

EDIT2: I bolded things I thought were important. I also told him that I would try to find a replacement, but that if I didn't, I felt obligated to go even though I didn't want to without him. I also told him that our mutual female friend would come with me to watch races and if he wanted to go he should, but he firmly stated he wouldn't be and then cancelled our plans for tonight, even though he insists he doesn't care. I feel he's husband material and would honestly do anything to keep him if I knew he was sticking around for good. Does it sound like I'm making a big deal out of this and that's what turned him off? Maybe I should have non-chalantly asked if he wanted to go to a regatta with me on Saturday instead of bringing it up in a "I know this makes you uncomfortable, but here is my dilemma..." way?

edit 3: I responded but the automod keeps removing my posts. To be clear, if I could easily back out of this regatta without screwing over 12 people from racing then I would have done that and wouldn't have even brought it up to him. I told him my dilemma and he just said "it sounds like you don't want to go so don't go" but then later said "I literally don't care do whatever." The choice isn't rowing v. him; I've already been missing practices for him. The choice is burning bridges and cutting ties by screwing over a couple of boats/disrespecting my friends' parents v. disrespecting my bf.


UPDATE: He is acting friendlier toward me and I think after thinking about it understands this weekend's situation, and also feels better that our friend is coming with me. I am going to go ahead with the race, even though he thinks I'm being a pushover, and then not go to any more rowing events unless or until he brings it up. It's not the sport itself that he's weirded out by but rather the possibility of me meeting up with secret hot friends or something who row. I don't think this weekend is a dealbreaker for him but I am going to make sure the situation never happens again and for now, not participate after this weekend.