Why do women have to do EVERYTHING nowadays?

EnemyAsmodeus · 2020-03-05T10:16:29+00:00

You don't have to.

You just have to do / be what you want and ignore the messages that come at you from everywhere else.

sasquatch_pants · 2020-03-05T12:54:03+00:00

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you're not passionate about the degree, go be a receptionist in a nice area of town, date with purpose until you find a good man who can support a SAHM and work until you have kids.

I love my job, but I also don't maintain the thriving social life our Instagram loving world encourages. I have work friends and family and my best friend is my husband. That's enough for me. Something has to give.

teaandtalk · 2020-03-05T05:33:59+00:00

It sucks! I think the main problem [edit: that we can control - I'm not arguing the causes!] is that we expect so much of our lives compared to then. A single income family used to go on holidays within their own state, drive a single or two cars and replace them every now and again, have a single TV, and have limited wardrobes, entertainment budgets, etc. But now, everyone wants to live a much higher-cost lifestyle - so of course it requires two incomes. I try to live as frugally as I can so that my husband and I can afford to work less, or not at all.

Pola_Lita · 2020-03-05T05:28:22+00:00

I think it's your approach. You're supposed to select what appeals to you and then do those things that are likely to make them a reality in your life. I don't think anyone is capable or should even try to do every single thing feminism has made possible.

name1231504 · 2020-03-05T15:51:55+00:00

I feel that it’s a dilemma that many of rpw woman have. We look at old school images and movies and we see women as .. just beautiful women. But don’t you think that being just that has another scary side? Insecurity, complete dependence, fear of instability? It’s like putting all your eggs in one basket. Nothing is forever, everything is constantly changing, and your life situation can also change. I feel like times a way better now because women are better adapted to change.

My train of thought is like this: I’m more than just a woman, I’m a human who has many interests and keeps growing, who happens to also enjoy being a woman. So, as an individual, my life doesn’t revolve around anyone, it revolves around me, my interests, my hobbies, my self improvement, my profession. I get a kick of doing all those things, and it makes me an even better woman. All of that was happening when I was single, and keeps happening when I’m in relationship. Whether a woman chooses to work or not- it doesn’t matter. What matters is what is left of a woman, when you look at her as an individual, not as part of relationship.

Think about how to achieve that lifestyle, while not being completely dependent on your SO. Think about what would life become if anything happened to the SO.

Dr__Noonian__Soong · 2020-03-05T12:50:49+00:00

When I was a little girl in the 80’s, I had to get up in front of the class and tell everyone what I wanted to be (we all had to do it). I said I wanted to be a waitress. The teacher laughed at me, then made a snarky comment about getting my butt grabbed by guys. I learned quickly afterwards that I had to be an astronaut, lawyer, or scientist. I’m none of those things now but...

danyixa · 2020-03-05T07:36:09+00:00

i’ve thought about this a lot. i think having a (useful, lucrative) degree is very important if you have the opportunity to acquire one. being able to be financially independent is key to having your own agency as a person. it prevents you from being stuck in a relationship with someone who is toxic if the relationship goes sour. i realized this as someone who grew up with a housewife for a mother and had a father as the sole breadwinner of the house. if my mother (who has only a high school degree) wants to leave, she’ll be impoverished.

ReduceReuseRecycleMe · 2020-03-05T13:37:39+00:00

I feel the same way! It’s exhausting honestly. I hope to one day reconcile with the fact that it’s okay if I don’t do everything, just that I try at what’s important to me!

Thyra- · 2020-03-05T12:42:03+00:00

I always get looked down on when I tell people I am perfectly happy working my office job and wouldn't mind working less hours in order to take care of the home. Apparently no woman can be fulfilled by supporting others. I dont enjoy to idea of having to go to school for years only to work a job I dont want or enjoy. I rather support a man who actually wants it and then in turn support our children if that's what they want. I dont want to be a "do it all" woman. I just want a more simple life and to be happy.

ragnarockette · 2020-03-05T13:24:27+00:00

I think what is really challenging for me specifically is that I want all those things.

I enjoy working (and making money), want to be pretty and fit, love spending time with my girlfriends, cooking and decorating my house, want to travel to interesting destinations, and I don’t want to be boring so I try to read and do cool things. Oh and I have a husband who wants to do all of these things too! It’s just so much. I think the internet makes it hard because it’s so much easier to become dissatisfied and jealous of others.

Coffee helps!

curious_girl_5 · 2020-03-05T06:04:13+00:00

I just want to be a woman...

My advice to you here is to try and implement that strategy into your personal life as much as you can.

date and be in a relationship (I want this)

First off, you need to understand that there is a difference between 'dating' and 'relationships'. You need to understand that there is a dating phase (vetting period) before there is even a relationship; especially, if you feel like you have a bad time in this space. Also, it's mentioned all the time here, but you need to keep this in mind...

Women (we) are the gatekeepers of sex.
Men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

Keep in mind when you are in the dating phase with an HVM, that you might be in that phase for anywhere from 6, 8, 10 months, to over a year. Make sure you are that "feminine complement" to his life and wanting to enter his frame. I would suggest reading up on the info that the mods have provided.

Finally, please take the time and read this book; 'The Practical Guide to Men: How to Spot the Hidden Traits of Good Men and Great Relationships' by Dr. Shawn T. Smith. You need to get better at vetting men and taking your time when it comes to the dating phase, which only comes with time, information, and understanding of the DMP. Good luck.

dctrmoose · 2020-03-05T15:59:01+00:00

Hi, I am a 42 year old married man. My wife is 31 and she is a stay at home mom. I was only able to do this because I am 11 years older than my wife, have an engineering degree, and scratched and clawed my way to a management position that is not rewarding and I cannot wait to retire. It was a hellish climb to get here and I understand why most people can't or don't want to.

I don't want to do this either, but I agreed to take on this role. Very few men want this sole responsibility anymore.

Millions of women fought for equality between the sexes and the right to CHOOSE. With that comes a high level of responsibility. It is your choice to accept that responsibility or not, but you better understand the world is different today and men are different today. If women did not fight for this it would be far easier for men to be the sole bread winner because the current labor force would be cut in half.

Depending on where you live it is impossible to make it on one salary. A down payment on a average house is 90K to 150K. Men don't want to shoulder all that responsibility either.

Therefore your post reads like you are complaining and you want the Disney Princess life. Maybe I am wrong, but my view is you don't HAVE to do any of the things you mentioned. You are CHOOSING to do all of them.

I married my wife and ALLOWED her be a stay at home mom for many reasons...One of those reasons is: she spent 8 years working in sales at an industrial distributor and 5 years as a flight attendant and she can empathize with my life. I would not have married someone if she wasn't capable of understanding corporate America and how hard it truly is. By the way she also didn't go to college and still made a decent living. I would never have married her if she had college debt. Be careful, If you don't plan on working in your field and paying off your debt....STOP GOING TO COLLEGE RIGHT NOW. It is unfair to expect someone to take on that burden.

Most men aren't looking for a trophy wife; they are looking for someone to take on some of the burden. I just happened to be in a unique position to allow for my wife to stay at home for the betterment of our family unit. We discussed everything before hand pre-nups, divorce, how much she can spend, her set plan to contribute in the future.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I am saying this to paint a picture of life in general. You need to put a plan together and implement it....not do what you think everyone expects you to. And, if someone else is required to make that plan a reality you'd better talk early and often and line up your expectations.

Throwaway230306 · 2020-03-05T21:09:24+00:00

Who is pressuring you to do it all? Is it you? I suspect people who're naturally driven feel pressure to do it all, but that pressure is often internal.

While I get what you're saying--I have a husband, 3 kids, a job, a dog and a house--I'm not sure your life would that much easier if you played only the role of the woman. It's funny to me that people insist that managing a household and raising multiple kids while keeping yourself fit and attractive and also making time for your husband, your hobbies and a social life is somehow simple and relaxing! (And idea that life was somehow more relaxing for women in the distant past is, in my opinion, a big case of the grass being greener on the other side. More useful and righteous? Maybe. Simple and easy--no.)

Commit yourself to an uneventful life where you excel only in the few things that matter the most to you (say, being a wife and keeping house) and give yourself the freedom to be mediocre in everything else.

HazelMania · 2020-03-05T21:20:48+00:00

I think the whole point of feminism, or what it should be at least, is to give you the option to be what you want to be. And if that's being more feminine, focusing on family life, or your house, then that should be okay! I repeat, feminism shouldn't be about making women more manly, it's about giving the women that WANT to be more "manly" the right to be so.

We should embrace all kinds of diversity, including those who prefer classic femininity. So, I say don't give a damn about what today's society expects of you as a modern woman, just be what makes you truly happy for the long-term.

treetreetree3737 · 2020-03-05T10:21:47+00:00

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bsutansalt · 2020-03-05T17:43:01+00:00

I feel so much pressure to do it all. Excel in my field (computer science), be beautiful (makeup, hair, outfit: which I enjoy), have a nice body (lifting: which I enjoy), date and be in a relationship (I want this), have many friends, sleep 8 hours a night, have fun in college, relax, learn things on my own, PLUS have hobbies.

This isn't exclusively a women thing. Guys are under the same pressures for the most part. Try not to get stressed out and if you don't want to work, rest assured in the knowledge you can always kick back if you land yourself a traditionally minded guy who wants to be the "bring home the bacon" type. There's a LOT of men out there who would love for that style of relationship. This is one area women have a distinct advantage over men in that you have the choice to work, assuming you play your cards right.

2020-03-05T12:28:14+00:00

Because corporations want a larger labor pool to draw from in order to justify a lower market wage rate.

treetreetree3737 · 2020-03-05T13:18:34+00:00

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HumanSockPuppet · 2020-03-05T14:39:37+00:00

So just be a woman. You're under no obligation to "make the sisterhood look good". Live your life how you want.

squishles · 2020-03-05T13:18:54+00:00

ehh if your gonna career I at least think computer science is better than most. Getting a 100% work from home job that turns fat stacks of cash stops being just a dream, or requiring cam whoring. I end up being the person that shows people how to do things a lot programming and teaching women is fun. Little weird though, I've seen them google something be looking at the answer and not register what it meant, basically until I read it to them I guess in a deep voice, maybe it's the beard.

I basically get as much leeway as I want in the process if some woman's stuck and I show them things though. Project managers work on stereotypes from 80s movies and call that social skills. So they think she's stupid and I should be anti social, but by god they've found one that clears stories and it saves more than her paycheck on taxes, and I must be some kind of nerd casinova to be able to show them how to do more things without shitting myself or causing a lawsuit. (I get that job a lot)

If you want better news they seem to basically all get married by 25ish. And for some reason the lifestyle lends itself to, I haven't seen one that's "this is a cave troll" ugly. I legit have no idea why, basically as many snacks as you could ever snack and no physical exertion; it sounds like a bad formula on paper. The they all get married is simpler to understand, surround them with 90% men someone's gonna click early.

ihopemewingworks · 2020-03-05T20:53:21+00:00

I feel you, feminism defiently messed it up for all of us, or maybe not everything but some of it of course. But unfortunately that's how life is and I think there won't be any societal changes, at least not soon. Wouldn't that be a dream, everyone just going back and becoming housewives. But imagine that, one candidate suggesting that, hah so many women would be displeased with that. It's a good thing and a bad thing, it creates a freedom for us women being able to have a say about our own money but it's also a bit caging since most of us don't want to work.

Now our society isn't built for feminity, it for sure is built for women to excel if they do it in a masculine way (sort of) but feminity is very much what feels good, men have done decades don't things that dosent feel good because they have to that's a part of masculinity, buckling up and getting on with things because that's life. And that's what women have to do nowdays too and it's hard to go around that unless you find a husband that is willing to provide for you when you're quite young. But you don't have to do something that you don't want to do, or for now you do have to work ofc. But your degree, you could work with something that you find fun, like becoming a baker or makeup artist etc. Now that might not be as much pay so you might have to live with less but that's something you have to evaluate if you think is worth it.

What you could also do is finish the degree and when you aren't studying focus a lot on doing things that isn't stressful and that you enjoy. Then you work part time, because it's a good pay, but maybe do something else that you enjoy on the side, freelance, open up your own thing, sell crafts on etsy whatever it might be. But I used to work with older people in homes now I found that quite pleasant but still the responsibility and newness of it made me a bit angsty but I worked part time and it was slow paced so when I was at work it was quite pleasant. Also working around women is quite good I find, lots of chatting about things that I might care about, there is just more things we would want to do the same.

Then I'd also focus on trying to find a man, who has those values and then you wouldn't have to work. But having a degree is a great "insurance" if for some reason you get seperated.

ALaurenB · 2020-03-06T03:55:26+00:00

Since it seems you’ve made it clear you want to be a stay at home mom in the future, as a current stay at home mom I will give you this. I feel more like I have to do it all now then when I worked so the grass isn’t always greener. My fiancé works HIS ASS OFF, damn near literally for us to live rather comfortably. So in response I take of the kids (mostly alone) from sun up to sundown, I’m responsible for every meal and bath, picking clothes out for school, almost every diaper change, keeping inventory on who needs new clothes and which items in the house need to be replaced, along with keeping up on my physical health (the gym), my sanity (therapist 1X week) and budgeting our bills monthly. Not to mention, currently planning a wedding and keeping up appearances at social events so my friends don’t think I’m “obsessed with my son” by not coming around. ITS A LOT! I love it but it is a lot.

Balance and prioritizing are what I recommend. I used to have the same fears of financially depending on another person for almost my every need but then I gave in to my spouse. I relaxed and eased into my more feminine self and I trusted who he is and everything that shown me that he will provide —- and he has. That took a huge leap of faith but when you find that ONE you will know and you will find it more freeing to allow him to be the head of household you want.

Another suggestion, look up a book called “You can have it, just not at the same damn time” by Romi N. It helped me a ton!

__TheDon__ · 2020-03-05T12:32:04+00:00

Yup, thank feminism for that lmao

2020-03-05T14:37:24+00:00

Oh my gosh is this ever accurate. I don’t want to get my degree!! I want to work on being pretty and humble and quiet and kind and serving to those around me. I want to crochet more and play music more and cook fancy dinners and scrub the bathroom until it’s sparkly. I want to be the best wife my partner could ask for and do everything to make his life easier, and then get a part time job at a pharmacy or something after the kids are in high school.

This is such an amazing post and I appreciate you speaking out on this so much!!!

danyixa · 2020-03-05T13:25:59+00:00

I’m a cyber security major, and I can get what you’re saying. My advice to you is keep being you, and follow what your heart tells you. You can be techy, and be able to cook up a nice meal. I love dressing femininely, wearing makeup and being creative since those foster my feminity even more.

We may be in a male dominated field, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be feminine. I see so many girls start to lose themselves on the field in hopes of fitting in, but all that does is make them more miserable. I do agree though, the media does often push the narrative that women can have anything, which is true but they’re leaving out women who want a more traditional lifestyle.

catsuramen · 2020-03-05T12:56:24+00:00

Getting a job isn't for a man. It has nothing to do with making up the lack of income he contributes to the household. It is, however, financially independance for yourself in case the relationship doesn't work out.

JulesB954 · 2020-03-06T00:46:49+00:00

I totally get that women should not have to do it all; it is exhausting. However, you still should finish your degree; because regardless of what we choose, we all need a plan B for our lives. The sad reality is that even if we have a provider husband, we can lose him to either death or abandonment. In those cases, especially living in an individualistic society, we have to have a back-up plan. I wish we didn’t have to worry about such things, but it is what it is.

Shane_The_Stoic · 2020-03-05T15:49:06+00:00

You only get 1 life.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-03-05T17:28:49+00:00

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pearlsandstilettos · 2020-03-07T23:30:08+00:00

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LateralThinker13 · 2020-03-10T15:01:48+00:00

Why do I have to do all the other stuff, why do feel the push to get this degree when I don’t even want to work because it doesn’t align with my values.

You DON'T have to do this. You don't have to accept the pressure. You are, ostensibly, a grown adult woman. You can make your own decisions. If you don't want to pursue a career, DON'T. Very few men will reject you because you don't have a career.

SoulRebel99 · 2020-03-19T06:07:07+00:00

I'm gonna be frank here; its cultural pressure & feminism influencing you. No one is forcing you to compete as both man & woman. You can be feminine & work on being a good wife candidate but that ensures you know the market of men you're looking for (white-collar, blue-collar, artist, etc). Additionally you can go the career route & adapt feminine features where you want. Figure your life out with end in mind. Failing to plan is planning to fail..

asmallsoftvoice · 2020-03-05T18:20:04+00:00

I feel like women have to do everything and men get to be lazy. Their subreddits are dedicated to hating women and "going their own way" as if women ruin their lives. Women's subreddits are about being better partners, deferring to their judgment, demanding less of them. We have to try SO HARD to be what they want, while also having the same duties to make money. Then at the end of the day we fold the laundry, do the dishes, cook dinner etc etc. We usually do the work of planning vacations, making appointments, keeping everything organized. There's a reason men are more likely to remarry. I would love to say that I want to go on vacation and the other party just takes it from there.

KingGorilla · 2020-03-05T19:20:30+00:00

The nice thing is that men can play the role of the woman and man as well and partnerships can configure roles to their lifestyle. A good husband would support your lifting hobby despite external pressure to be skinny rather than buff. You are beautiful regardless.

TheConsumateCracker · 2020-03-05T22:59:48+00:00

Yes, stop doing the masculine. Please keep doing the feminine. You are a breath of fresh air this world needs.

danny_welds · 2020-03-06T00:45:08+00:00

Thank feminism for that.

mbniceguy · 2021-11-26T16:25:49+00:00

Replying this late is probably of little importance but makeup is less important to us men in general than you'd think.

A 5 minute approach to applying makeup would be just as good as the 20-30 minutes.

Ill_Gene_1270 · 2023-01-31T01:49:02+00:00

ill tell you why because im a freaking loser

Title	Why do women have to do EVERYTHING nowadays?
Author	treetreetree3737
Upvotes	297
Comments	112
Date	March 5, 2020 5:04 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/why-do-women-have-to-do-everything-nowadays.352523 https://theredarchive.com/post/352523
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fdq9q3/why_do_women_have_to_do_everything_nowadays/