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Why does it seem like so many women give so many passes to boyfriends?

May 26, 2022

Boyfriends to me don't get the same treatment as married men. If you want a high value man you don't settle and accept poor behavior while dating. Ladies, you deserve good men who have similar values as you do. You shouldn't accept a man while dating who is disrespectful, dishonest, and doesn't chase you and contact you often and initiate conversation first. If he's showing these childish and boyish signs, walk away before you waste your time. He's not ready to step up to being a married man. Stop giving boyfriends and men your dating so many passes. Then, when it comes time a good man proposes you're getting the honest, respectful, dedicated man you want.

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Post Information
Title Why does it seem like so many women give so many passes to boyfriends?
Author HoneydewFlashy7858
Upvotes 149
Comments 26
Date May 26, 2022 10:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
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Original Link

[–]Redlimetree 30 points31 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I kinda agree.

But it seems society has pushed most men away from dating with the explicit goal of getting married.

Let's think RP wise. Lets guess 30% of guys are acceptable possible husbands in terms of everything aside from his CURRENT dating behaviour. 30% being modest, cause RP says the majority of ladies chase the top 4-10% and ladies should be more realistic. From this 30% how many are actively dating with the main goal of finding a wife and thus prioritising showing off he's a great partner? We are back to trying to find a rediciously small number percentage (Let's say 5%) of the single population, with the number getting lower with age as these guys if successful in their goal will be getting married with only a few guys their age replacing them. In my age bracket (looking at guys older then my 28 years, up to 10 years older) I'll say 1%.

Now I've been improving my own value both on the wife market and value to my own happiness. But I'm not silly enough to waste my time pursuing this 1% cause chances are I'm not going to get it. And the more women chasing it the less likely somebody like me will get it. I'm confident in my value but realistic.

We need to draw a line for ourselves to what's acceptable and what's just creating excuses for poor behaviour. But hell I'm OK if a guy I'm dating prioritising something in his life over then me for a brief period of time. I WILL judge him based on what he is prioritising, if it's a video game then I'm out, if it's his work,family or long-term male friendships then I'll respect that and continue on the path to showing my value. If he continues to fail to see my value after multiple opportunities and the all important time then we aren't right for each other.

[–]Necessary-Worry1923 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I like how you think...that's quantitative reasoning

Here are the facts

Back in World War 2 when my parents were married there were 16 marriages per 1,000 people.

There is a huge drop in the percent of young women who are married.

Today that number has dropped to 6 per 1,000, the same number as 1865 when so many young men were slaughtered in the US Civil War that women c old not find enough husbands.

Millennial s are staying home longer and over all level of sex has dropped compared to the boomer generation. Also men are worried about the financial devastation of divorce so cohabitation has taken the place of traditional marriage.

There is a bewildering number of you tube channels dedicated to the Red Pill telling teen males to avoid marriage so young boys today are going to be a

[–]Redlimetree 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Quantitative Reasoning. I like that word, I'll add it to my vocabulary.

I'd like to add to your point. With less children being raised in happily married stable families there's going to be even less kids growing up prioritising marriage in their lives and/or having a head start on the skills to make a marriage work.

I am very glad alimony doesn't exist in my country and overall child support laws aren't as extreme. But if I ever was raising a boy I'd make sure he understood the risks, the larger consequences of such risks and ways to avoid such risks. Come to think of it I would steer him away from the thought of marrying young. And tell him it's a decision he should make when he understands our society more.

[–]-Raksu- 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I find it funny how men will disparage women for settling for less physically attractive men. What is she SUPPOSED to do when the more attractive men don't want to get married and have kids when she wants to? There's a reason you see beautiful women paired up with somewhat homely dudes. He isn't necessarily making a ton of money, either.

[–]srfm24 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I agree! If a bf isn’t acting right, he isn’t worth even considering as a husband.

[–]HoneydewFlashy7858[S] 43 points44 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I just feel I've been seeing so many posts about boyfriends who are acting so childish and I blame the woman at some point for accepting the behavior. You don't have to accept poor behavior from boyfriends!

[–]amhran_oiche[🍰] 35 points36 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

agree. a lot of them are sung to the tune of "I let my boyfriend disrespect me. what can I do?" uh girl, leave?

[–]Empyrean_Truth27 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Not sure why it's so hard for so many women to respect their own time.

I have told everyone this. People are not projects. You are your own project.

if it's a correctable like a habit or he's still figuring X or Y out on his own, that's totally fine.

The issue comes to when people try to fix others' character traits;

If he's dishonest, and you've created a safe space for honesty, (e.g. don't explode at every minor thing) then that's not a problem you should tackle.

I've talked to women who are like "How do I get my boyfriend to stop visiting cam sites? I told him I don't like it and he tells me that 'I'm preventing him from having friends' " Like whoa girl wot

That seems like an enormous f***ing problem, why are you even bothering, he effortlessly demonstrated dishonesty, lack of respect for you, and inconsiderate of your boundaries, just, why?
So many are addicted to devaluing themselves because they want to treat men like projects and themselves like doormats.

[–]Underground-anzac-99 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes but then you have someone on another thread saying Laura Doyle believes following her steps fixes narcissistic husbands so a lot of inexperienced women are going to have trouble looking at things objectively.

Is he cheating as I can’t inspire his commitment? Is he breaking things because I don’t show “enough” respect?

[–]Empyrean_Truth 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's a certain level of healthy ownership of your results.

Its an iterative cycle and some people don't follow step 5.

1.) Things aren't where I want to be yet; what do I need to be doing differently?

2.) Have I tried those things?

3.) The results aren't what I want; have I looked at other approaches? Have I done them?

4.) If those haven't worked; is my partner even trying to put in fair effort to accommodate the problem as well?

5.) How many times am I willing to run this cycle, and when is it too much effort to try to make this square peg fit into a round hole? Will it make me happy? If it's too much effort, and the round peg in square hole doesn't fit, maybe I should question the judgment that caused me to get married to this person and re-evaluate marriage with them.

[–]5drinksamy 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I really needed to read this today. I think low self esteem keeps me with men who aren’t actually great, they just put up a very thin illusion that they are by being really nice to me and spoiling me once a month and I put up with the ugly the rest of the month. I’m working it on….or trying to.

[–]NightSurmised 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I faced similar issues in the past. Nun mode for 2 years while I worked on it mentally and only ventured back into dating when I was confident that I could next men that didn’t meet my criteria instead of comprising on things that are important to me.

[–]12inchbamboo 17 points18 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

As a redpill man, here are my thoughts:

Chasing won’t work any more. A high value man doesn’t have time to chase women. He makes his intentions known when meeting a woman and within two or three dates he knows it whether a woman is showing interest or playing games. He nexts if it’s the latter. Chasing is a low value trait. A hvm has a lot of things going on and chasing a person for an affection is something that is very last in his priorities.

[–]HoneydewFlashy7858[S] 37 points38 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

High value men is in the eyes of the beholder in my opinion, everyone has different ideas of what's valuable. If my man is too busy to call me and spend time with me, and loses interest, I'll find someone else. I understand there are hobbies and other friends and work etc. that play a part. Who claims chasing is a low value trait (genuine curiosity)? I think you're thinking of the actual chasing game where the woman literally is being immature, as well. I'm referring to a man interested in a woman, who is also serious about finding a marriage partner, will certainly continue to show interest and pursue her. Obviously, as the relationship unfolds it's more back and forth. But initially and as times goes on, if a good man is interested he will make time to get to know the woman and continue to reach out and be responsive, set dates, show up on time, be genuinely respectful towards the woman and maker her somewhat of a priority. An immature or poor marriage prospect would play the disappear game, show up in her life randomly, make her low priority, and play head games.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

A man being responsive and keeping his word is suddenly putting women on a pedestal? I've been on someone's pedestal and I don't think that is what the OP is describing. If a man wants a girlfriend, he needs to put effort in. That doesn't mean the woman does not put effort in. It just means that a woman shouldnt accept a man's mere existence as sufficient for a long term prospect.

[–]jtucker69 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

A common trait among the beta men is a needy, responsive mindset when it comes to women. Masculine men are the leaders with the frame. OP's mindset is basically saying that a man should be grovelling and "trying to win her over", thus entering the woman's "frame". It's completely incongruent with actual manhood

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes yes I know RP theory. I don't think you understand what is being said and you certainly should not presume to know the OPs mindset. That's a bit much.

You really can't see this from the women's side can you.j

[–]OmarNBradley 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Redpill men don't believe in marriage so for any woman who wants to get married it is immaterial what they think.

[–]deshawn07177 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women break rules for alphas

[–]Diamond-Breath 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not really, just low self-esteem and the drive to fix a man.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that you are missing OP's point.

If a guy isn't putting in at least an equal amount of effort to the relationship, then a woman should not stay with him. Obviously both people need to bring something to the table. But neither should accept a partner who doesn't find space in their lives for the relationship.

In a marriage, you have already vetted and made a lifetime commitment. You accept a lot more because life gets messy. If my boyfriend doesn't take me out on dates but just wants to stay in and have sex - not acceptable. If my husband wants to hang on the couch and then fool around - entirely different situation.

[–]Easy-Distance1 -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

False. Initiating & chasing is not what HVM do. They're busy building an empire. These men literally have women chasing, you just need to be the catch when he chooses to vet you. Know the difference between a guy who is generally busy vs playing games, if you can't, well maybe it's time to check if your pick-O-meter is busted lol.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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