Why have a hairstyle your husband hates?

Dancersep38 · 2019-12-09T17:40:10+00:00

I've never understood that either. Why would you deliberately make yourself less attractive to your mate? Why would you ever knowingly do anything they hated without damn good cause? A shit test isn't good cause. If a haircut is going to prove or disprove your marriage vows, your relationship has bigger issues anyways, adding a fight over something as dumb as hair is definitely a bad move.

HB3234 · 2019-12-09T18:35:24+00:00

This is called a "shit test". Taken out of RP-speak, what this means is that often, wives can behave in adversarial ways to husbands they no longer respect. They are (subconsciously) pushing him and his boundaries, in a hope that he will lay down some boundaries and regain a position of respect.

Many women are married to captains who are asleep at the wheel. Shit tests are not a good way to inspire leadership out of a man, but most young women aren't taught any better ways. So they go with their gut.

hellocecile · 2019-12-10T03:02:22+00:00

i think what she was trying to say is that she’s going to make choices that make HER feel good. she was probably being kind of comical because of small talk, trying to crack jokes through the appointment, like all hairstylists do. especially since she’s a hairstylist, she’s exposed to a ton of different hairstyles and it’s probably somewhat of a passion for her. there are a lot more factors at play than her just trying to perform a “shit test”

Pola_Lita · 2019-12-09T20:48:49+00:00

She said that if her husband told her he didn’t like a hairstyle, she’d immediately get it “just to make sure he still loves me for me.”

This is the counterpart to TRP sub advice about avoiding even small, spontaneous comments of praise or appreciation, or even just noticing her mood because it's important not to validate her sense of herself. Both practices are based in a belief that the entire opposite sex is predisposed to do nasty things to them. But that seems so crazy and I usually wonder if it's not a case of the individual already having some personal fear or hostility that feels less uncomfortable with a "reason" to match it to.

SraSB · 2019-12-09T17:34:12+00:00

Short. I had it cut pixie short when we had our boy to make it easy to manage and he truly hated it. That was nearly 8 years ago , since then I've been growing it (It's all the way down my back) and he loves it. I can style it in lots of different ways and it's so much easier to manage. Extra bonus my boy loves mummy's princess hair❤

missylizzy · 2019-12-09T18:18:16+00:00

I personally think I need a hair cut right now but my husband says he loves how it is, so I will trust him (he likes long and natural).

Kara__El · 2019-12-09T18:58:00+00:00

No joke, if I got a hairstyle I knew my husband would hate, and he knew that, he'd be an unapologetic asshole about it, until I changed it. There would be no walking on eggshells, trying to convince me he liked it. I'd ask how I looked and he'd say "Great, except for your hair." Without a doubt, that is how that would go down and I think that's a reasonable response to spiteful behavior.

Greenveins · 2019-12-09T22:51:31+00:00

really want bangs, bf hates a fringe on me despite buying hair pierces to show the appearance i have a fringe. he cant get with it so i dont push the matter, simple. i hate hearing women talk about doing tings to spite their husband, i remind them he could do the same thing just as easily but they dont want to hear it

2019-12-09T20:11:59+00:00

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LateralThinker13 · 2019-12-10T16:15:30+00:00

Why be contrary? I hate that mindset.

Many BP women, especially feminists, see male-female relationships as power relations. Often (in part due to Marxist influences on Feminism) they also see it as a zero-sum game. So anything - any compromise - they make in favor of their SO's desires/preferences is, by their definition, taking away from their power. And power is everything to them.

She said that if her husband told her he didn’t like a hairstyle, she’d immediately get it “just to make sure he still loves me for me.”

RPW make changes and do things for their SOs because it makes them happy, builds them up, and thereby improves the strength of the relationship and increases how much their SO will do for them in return. It's not a zero-sum game; we believe that by building up our partners (but not neglecting ourselves), we will receive dividends in return both in an improved relationship and in reciprocal giving.

I mean, who wants their spouse to be displeased every time they look at them? WTF kind of idiocy is that? That's a self-sabotaging shit test right there of the highest order.

And not to be too snarky, but it's the kind of attitude I'd expect from a hairstylist. There are good hairstylists, sure, but OMG there are so many failed women who fall into that job. I don't know why it is (haven't really dwelled upon it) but I can count on one hand the number of hairstylists who weren't single mothers who made bad life decisions.

2019-12-09T21:30:32+00:00

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jessica_3112 · 2019-12-09T23:21:30+00:00

Totally agree with your mindset ! I’ve experienced this type of comment from other women, making me look like I was controled when I only wanted to please my bf who respects me (for example: by wearing more feminine clothes, growing my hair longer, ect). Does anyone know what to say when they tell you stuff like that?

Hammocknapping · 2019-12-09T18:50:14+00:00

My husband would never ... wear[] basketball shorts in public because he knows I don’t like how those look.

To me, this is a very weird preference. What does he wear when he goes to the gym? Is he permitted to wear shorts at all? What’s the difference between athletic shorts and golf shorts? Can he wear swim trunks?

For some women, their hair becomes finer, maybe even thinner, and doesn’t grow as quickly as the age. Long hair styles might stop looking full and healthy for some women, at some point in their lives. If their husband is adamant that they can only be attracted to women with long hair, when having long hair is a physical impossibility, then I think that’s an issue.

Otherwise, there’s always middle ground to be found with cut and color.

swandressiguess · 2019-12-09T22:55:34+00:00

Here's my reasoning for doing so. I'd love to hear others opinions. I dyed my naturally blonde hair red last year for the first time. It made me feel beautiful! I love how I look with red hair when I was always just "meh" about the blonde. My husband prefers the blonde, but I get sooo..."it's my body my choice" (I know I know) about the whole issue, especially with how confident and pretty I feel with the red hair.

KathrynHogan · 2019-12-10T13:03:57+00:00

Gosh I wonder if those women have respectful relationships with their fathers

2019-12-09T19:13:16+00:00

Your hairdresser sounds immature. I was that way when younger too...I was desperate for unconditional love, and so I was willing to "test" whether people really loved me. I figured that by acting up, or making myself conventionally unattractive, I'd weed out anyone who didn't love me for Me.

like I said, it's a childish way of thinking, and it's rooted in insecurity. people who think that way deserve sympathy :)

WildernessGirl247 · 2019-12-10T02:14:53+00:00

The hairdresser will likely be divorced soon. It’s not about the hairstyle it is about purposely causing anger and pretty much displaying a FU attitude. My husband loves my long hair, however he has told me he doesn’t care if I get my hair cut short. I would never purposely oppose his opinion just to spite him. I wouldn’t tolerate him acting like that toward me either. We respect each other and generally don’t play mind games.

azrael319 · 2019-12-10T00:03:29+00:00

The kind of mentality that makes a person purposely do something to spite someone they claim to love and care for is messed up. Your hair dresser might not have a healthy relationship.

2019-12-10T02:36:50+00:00

Agh the basketball shorts in public! I agree, not a good look at all

ManEatingMatzahBall_ · 2019-12-18T20:35:41+00:00

This is one of the few positives about having a shaved head and wearing wigs if my husband doesn’t like my hair he can buy me a different wigs.

PoutineMaker · 2019-12-20T16:23:45+00:00

Honestly I don’t understand either but I do believe a compromise can be made. My partner would like to see me with my natural hair colour so I have been going lighter slightly again and again so I can reach something resembling. But I truely hate my natural hair colour and he knows it, so the compromise is that I can go lighter but keep it in the lighter shades I want. Mousy blonde doesn’t suit me at all, I know it too well... I’m sticking to light brown redhead which he loves! It’s a good deal as I used to have black hair. :)

Kissy1234 · 2019-12-10T00:00:44+00:00

I would never do anything to spite my partner, unless they were truly being petty and mean. Like when my ex told me I was "impure", and "not worthy to meet his parents" if I started to wear a choker. So I got a choker that day and started to wear it, he ended up liking it. But I would have never reacted that way if he wasn't so rude.

freak_perfume · 2019-12-10T21:25:31+00:00

I won't discuss things like hair style or hair color with my boyfriend. If he doesn't like it after he sees it - he'll have to get used to it. I am most attractive when I feel attractive, when my confidence and sex appeal are boosted by things as small as new hair. Hair aren't an arm - they will grow back.

blackred44 · 2019-12-14T21:43:14+00:00

My husband like me with long hair but I always prefer short hair. We compromised at.. me getting haircut real short then let it get long enough before I cut my hair again which only take maybe once or twice a year. Just because we are very-calculative-and-try-to-be-wise-spender type (read: stingy 😂😂)

pearlsandstilettos · 2019-12-09T21:51:25+00:00

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lilpeeeb · 2019-12-14T09:56:48+00:00

So if there was a hairstyle you really like and wanted to try but your husband didn’t like it, you wouldn’t get it solely on the grounds that he wouldn’t approve?

O.K.

Title	Why have a hairstyle your husband hates?
Author	digitalllamas
Upvotes	213
Comments	63
Date	December 9, 2019 4:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/why-have-a-hairstyle-your-husband-hates.298499 https://theredarchive.com/post/298499
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e8ckoc/why_have_a_hairstyle_your_husband_hates/