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Why I (19F) take advice from this sub even though I’m usually as progressive as it gets (+ a field report!!)

October 2, 2020

Edit: he just told me that he loved me.

TL;DR: RPW strategies work, even if you or your partner are not otherwise conservative/red pilled .

Long, long time lurker (since I was 17). I know I’m likely not too similar to the most active users here, but I want to give my perspective for other lurkers or women who are considering the red pill/red pill strategies but otherwise are not really conservative.

A little bit of personal background: I’m young, pretty socially left wing, goes to a liberal university, studies computer science. I care about being intellectually stimulated more than most other things. I’m 100% a product of my generation: my philosophy is people should go ahead and do whatever it is that makes them happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else).

None the less, I browse RPW from time to time because, more than anything, this reads like a self improvement sub.

So, when a really amazing guy (who’s now my committed, official boyfriend) showed up in my life, I applied a few RPW ideas, and boy oh boy did they work.

Quick background on this guy: 7-8 in terms of looks, hot body, stable career/really good prospects and really disciplined. Also an insanely sweet guy. Very liberal/left wing too.

The RPW strategies I applied:

Being childlike, not childish: this one is a bit cheating since I’m only 19 and also I’m cutesy and very curious as a person as it is. He’s obviously very into that so I ramped it up just a little bit.

I think a big part of being childlike is having wonder, curiosity and a sense of innocence/innocent assumptions and thinking. You can be worldly and childlike at the same time.

I also made sure that I’m not childish. Shit testing, playing games, etc to me are childish behaviours. Also not learning to STFU is very childish.

STFU: the rule of thumb I followed is “would what I say make him feel worse or better?” If it’s worse, STFU. Example: he made me a drink and then nervously laughed at himself for making it slightly wrong. Did I laugh with him/at him/made it worse? Nope. Stfu.

Gratitude: whenever he gives me a compliment, looks at me in a loving way, does anything for me no matter how small, I give him an excited/“wow you’re amazing” thank you. I honestly thought it was getting kind of excessive and isn’t working, until he said that around me he feels like such a gentleman because of how I react.

delicate balance with sex: I made it very clear to him that I don’t have sex with someone who’s not my boyfriend. However, before we became official we also had passionate make out sessions and I made sure he’s aware that despite “inexperienced”, I’m a fast and willing learner.

I’m also currently working on improving myself and my body, but that’s more of a long term thing.

As a liberal, very career/academically focused woman, why do I follow these? Not only because they work, it’s because in my opinion they replicate and amplify actions you would take if you really liked someone anyways. Not for a second did I find any of these things difficult to do, because I did really like this guy. They don’t feel old fashioned or “submissive” to me because I call this type of behaviour not being a jerk to someone you really like.

That said, I’d greatly appreciate more advice on how to keep the relationship going strong! Thanks to all of you in advance.

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Post Information
Title Why I (19F) take advice from this sub even though I’m usually as progressive as it gets (+ a field report!!)
Author NotPast3
Upvotes 189
Comments 22
Date October 2, 2020 4:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]vintagegirlgame73 points74 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good for you being so young, committed to self improvement, and being open minded to find and explore RPW!

This sub is apolitical, who you vote for doesn’t affect your relationship. Unfortunately the US has such a bad habit of forcing any type of behavior to belong to one of only 2 political parties it leaves no room for shades of grey.

[–]sallyrosenberger19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the "political parties are social groups" mindset... so gross. one of the reasons i love this sub is that it keeps politics + traditional femininity pretty separate. because they are!! sorry, had to jump in and agree. i'm too passionate about america's obnoxious politicization of... everything.

[–]ughifeellikealoser29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love this! I am extremely progressive in my political views and I have definitely second guessed whether my RPW beliefs contradict that (or vice versa). My husband and I met in college just like you guys, but you’re lucky you’ve been exposed to this info on the front end - I didn’t stumble onto RPW until a few young, immature and rocky years into dating and almost soon as I started applying them, the relationship started to go in the more mature and serious direction that I was hoping for.

Over the years I have noticed him picking up and returning the same thoughtful, respectful, considerate, playful and loving way that I behave towards him, completely naturally and without prompting. Our relationship totally changed, we are both happier people. Not to mention the really awesome bond, trust, and relationship harmony that we have built together. Now we are married in our late 20s.

Check out the surrendered single (and the surrendered wife if you want to get a head start 😉) by Laura Doyle if you haven’t already. Definitely a few cheesy moments, outdated scenarios and religious themes that may not necessarily resonate with everyone your age but the concepts are tried and true. Biggest takeaways are around getting comfortable giving up control, making your needs known in a feminine way, trusting your man to get them met, and basically learning how to prioritize the greater good of your relationship happiness over having things go your own way. Would love to discuss if you are ever interested! My best advice (and I think I am paraphrasing LD here) - sometimes it is more important to be happy than to be right!!! Great post and best of luck to you 😊

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-49 points50 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good job! BTW, your description of your political leanings sound more like a libertarian than left-wing. Libertarians are the " people should go ahead and do whatever it is that makes them happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else)" wing. r/Libertarian

[–]oneconfusedwriter11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are left wing libertarians, though they can go by different names. Basically the green quadrant of the political compass!

[–]pandora_box-17 points18 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I (26f) don’t see “submissiveness” espoused by most tradcons the same as most people— though I do lean tradcon. That idea is rooted in the Bible but when you look at the original text, it translates better to “respect” than “submissive”. In my marriage, I’ve come to realize that showing my husband respect makes him feel more loved than if I show him affection while it’s the opposite for me (lack of either respect or affection from either side will lead to a breakdown in a relationship though— both are necessary for a healthy relationship). I follow his lead in general and he defers to me in the areas I’m passionate about or skilled in (example: I’m better with money so I manage our finances). For the other areas of our life that I’m not taking the lead on, I act as a trusted adviser. I give my opinion and he makes the final decisions (he takes on the adviser role in the areas I take the lead on). There are traditional areas that women typical lead in— household maintenance and child rearing— but that doesn’t mean the modern woman is bound to only lead in those areas. You can always follow your husbands lead in general while leading in the areas you care about the most.

I guess I kind of see it as my husband and I being co-pilots with him having only a slight seniority over me (aka he is not my boss). For airlines, whichever of the two pilots have the most experience will be designated the captain for the flight (which means that that copilot could be a pilot on their next flight if their copilot is less experienced than them). That doesn’t mean that the first officer (co-pilot) is subservient to the captain— they’re very much equals in my opinion— but during an emergency it’s important to have a clear leader to coordinate things. Same thing for relationships. I don’t think it necessarily matters whether the man or woman is the default leader, but I think most men prefer to be the default while most women prefer not to— so naturally it’s just how it works out. If you’re a woman who prefers to lead, then you should focus on finding a man who does not. Another analogy is that my husband is the CEO, while I’m the CMO & CFO of our relationship. All of those take leadership skills, but the CEO is the designated primary leader.

My husband knows I’ll respect his decisions on pretty much everything (even if it’s something I generally handle) so he listens to me when I want to figure out how to make the decision work for both of us. Recent example is he wanted to buy a 3D printer, he waited a month in order for us to be in a more comfortable cash position to buy an expensive thing like that due to my input. Key is he also respects me and is not a selfish person so I can follow his lead without worrying about my own self interest being jeopardized. He’s also the one who made the decision to buy a house and which house we got (I ran the numbers on what we could afford)— I’m actually way happier with the house we ended up getting than if I’d gotten my number one pick (this one was my number two anyways). If I have a concern, he listens and finds a way to make the decision work better for me.

[–]n00body3339 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The huge variety of words translated as 'submission' and its variants, never mean respect, but sometimes do mean servant or slave (δουλειά), or mean the same by implication: the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church and parents the head of the children. The church doesn't respect Christ as an equal, it worships him as a servant (δούλος); Eph 5:22-6:3.

'Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you', 'rule' translates 'yimshal', which is political authority as held by an absolute monarch, as the judges of Israel (Judges 8:23), analogous to both potestas and auctoritas below but with emphasis on the rule, not the right to rule: the Vulgate translates it as dominabitur (to be subject to the lordship of; to be dominated) and potestate:  et sub viri potestate eris et ipse dominabitur tui - and [you] shall desire power under [your] husband [lit. 'male'] and he himself shall dominate you.'

'I suffer not a woman to...usurp authority of a man', 'authority' is αυθεντειν, 'authentein', being the moral authority to be obeyed - the root of our own words for authenticity and authority and authorship, and related to the Latin auctoritas, meaning legitimate or moral authority (i.e., the church has auctoritas whether or not she has temporal power; the rightful ruler of a people has auctoritas whether or not he's been usurped) as opposed to potestas, or naked power.

The aforementioned usurper has potestas, the ability to coerce obedience, but does not have auctoritas, the moral right to do so: let him who has ears to hear, hear.

So we have both rulership and the moral right to be obeyed underscored.

Not a single theologian, philologist, or exegete in history, even the leftist feminist and egalitarian, attempts to translate any of these words or passages as denoting 'respect', except insofar as respect is a necessary concomitant of virtuous/internal submission to lawful or moral authority ('auctoritas') instead of external submission to enforced authority ('potestas').

[–]sadteddie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you show respect towards your husband?

[–]Reddit-Book-Bot5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]Emervila5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

best bot ever

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great comment!

[–]Southernbelllle-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly how I view marriage and our respective roles in it. Good job you two.

[–]yungsweetro2 Stars9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I love this! I truly don’t think RPW is only for conservative women and trad-wives. It’s a study in human nature, not morality and values. It’s sexual strategy for women at its core and it can be applicable in relationships on both ends of the political spectrum.

I especially liked what you said about being child-like and not childish. Having a wide-eyed demeanor, being free-spirited, and being happy to follow someone’s lead is miles apart from constant shit-testing and passive-aggressive behavior.

For someone so young, you have a great head on your shoulders and I’m grateful that you decided to contribute and share your experiences and what you’ve learned! The way you broke down your behaviors in this post is super helpful! I upvoted so fast lol :)

[–]Advanced_Bar_6730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This!! Being childlike adds so much... I think it brings out a man's protector instinct, as well as re-creating "innocence lost" if he is a man who is suspicious of a woman's "motives" for being with him (children and dogs don't care about material possession); being cute will reflect his desire for unconditional love. This is why men love dogs: loyal, unconditional, accepts who he is in the present moment and not for what is to gain down the road.

[–]oneconfusedwriter6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in a very similar boat! I'm 25, a huge progressive, and also a happy homemaker who loves living a more traditional lifestyle with my amazing man. Of course not all RPW stay at home and that's valid too, but it was tough for me reconciling my strong left-wing beliefs (and the opinions of my super feminist social circle) with my desire to stay home and care for my home and family, and this subreddit helped me a lot with that.

[–]norahlady5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lefty RPW checking in. The principles I’ve learned in this sub have absolutely helped me with dating and now in my marriage. There is some advice here I haven’t totally taken on for myself — for example, I have tattoos — but the foundational principles of self-improvement, femininity, and simply being a giving and warm wife to my husband are HUGE for me and have really helped me get what I want from life. It’s such a refreshing departure from the husband-bashing and complaining I often hear.

[–]elegantlybroken8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Your political views shouldn’t be your identity anyway.

[–]takisntortillachips5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She probably highlighted them here because a lot of women tend to be more right wing on this sub

[–]n00body333-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

True: yet they are.

Identity should be indexed to the things of eternity, denoted religion, not the politics of transient things. Yet it is.

[–]HappilyMrs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am always surprised how many left/lib/prog women are here on these subs. There is a lot of useful relationship stuff to me here, but I see it that it's there to pick and choose. Just because I like this for me doesn't mean I think it necessarily right for everyone.

[–]TessaBrooding2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I honestly don’t attribute those to the RP but just to being a good person who treats the people she loves kindly. Because why wouldn’t you?

I’ve been acting this way long before I found this sub and frankly I was amused someone had to put these principles into words and even defend them. I’m uneasy with the sometimes conservative spin on things here but ultimately I agree with them.

[–]PaganButterChurner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice post. Good for you :)

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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