~ archived since 2018 ~

You don't have to be perfect!

October 30, 2020

Especially with holidays coming up for many of us, a lot of us are going to feel more pressure to show off our home-making skills. I already see the occasional post where women are fretting over the lengths they need to go to in order to perfect themselves, and I just want to remind everyone that the expectation has never been that you are perfect!

Men do not love us because we are perfect, they do not love us because we're the best cook in the world, the best at decorating the house, or the best at anything. You do not have to measure yourself against those glossy magazine spreads of beautifully decorated houses and complex, fancy dinner spreads. Self-improvement is not about being perfect or living up to standards that are honestly unrealistic for most people, it's about being the best you that you can be.

  1. You are not better or worse at cooking because you get stressed out at long, complex, "fancy" recipes. No one will love you less because you decided to buy store-bought pie dough, or you stuck to easier recipes. If you love cooking and enjoy those masterchef recipes, then by all means go right ahead, but don't feel like you're not doing good enough if that's not for you.
  2. You do not have to color coordinate your house with this season's most fashionable decorations. If you aren't very crafty and you can never get your centerpiece to look quite right, or you skip the centerpiece altogether that's perfectly fine.
  3. You do not have to run yourself to the bone trying to get everything "perfect". No one is going to notice if you don't make custom soaps for the guest bathroom, or if you have cute, individually packaged hot chocolates laid out decoratively next to the coffee maker.

Your family and your SO like you for who you are, just as much as they appreciate you for what you do. You do not have to run yourself into the ground fretting about details, and you don't have to compare yourself to pictures from people who PAID someone else to style their house for them. All most men care about is a warm meal, clean house, and a loving woman waiting for them. Don't let the cooking, cleaning, and decorating become so much that you can't enjoy the time with your family or give them the best of you! There is nothing wrong with doing things simply and quickly so that you can spend your time with your family rather than stressed out over a turkey recipe that requires basting every 15 minutes and whether or not your homemade rolls have risen enough or if your decorations are classy and pretty enough. Those things are all icing on the cake, and you're the cake!

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Post Information
Title You don't have to be perfect!
Author Mewster1818
Upvotes 90
Comments 6
Date October 30, 2020 1:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/you-dont-have-to-be-perfect.327400
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/jkwh8z/you_dont_have_to_be_perfect/
Red Pill terms in post

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Social media has ruined people. The holidays are not about having the best "insta ready" set up. Its about time with people you love.

Be you, cook the way you normally do. Make sure your house is clean, comfortable and inviting to guests. Don't stress, just enjoy.

[–]Mewster18181 Star[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. Plus I think a lot of people confuse self-improvement with "I need to be perfect", but we would never expect anyone else to be "perfect" so why do we give ourselves impossible standards and then feel guilty and stressed out because we can't hit them? I think the holidays especially bring this out of people since you're more likely to have guests over and larger gatherings/feasts. It's okay to feel overwhelmed, I don't even do any crazy recipes for Thanksgiving and I still feel hectic morning of... but what I don't let myself do is beat myself up because it "could be better" or that I didn't make everything from scratch or that I asked guests to bring items.

[–]RiseAndPanic12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This!! And to top it all off, we’re in a pandemic. Let’s just be real, absolutely nothing is good or normal right now. Giving yourself some grace and doing the best you can is all you can do. I agree with the comment stating social media has ruined us all for stuff like this. Sometimes I wish I was an adult in the time before social media. Comparison really is the thief of joy, ya know?

[–]Junebug_206 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You made great points! Thank you. I definitely am guilty of getting caught up in doing things "homemade" but no one has ever mentioned a difference when I've made my pastry from scratch versus from a box.

And in the same vein- if you were to ask your husband to choose between a beautifully decorated house with a homemade meal and takeout Chinese food, he would choose the Chinese food if the difference meant that his wife was happy. Don't let yourself get spread thin.

[–]Mewster18181 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup, if you genuinely enjoy doing all the extra-steps of DIY and from scratch that's perfectly fine. But you should never feel like you HAVE to do those things or you're not good enough.

Also bonus points to men for generally being far less picky and detail oriented about this kinda stuff in general. While they will appreciate you for what you do, they're not going to notice or care if your house isn't "perfect". Heck, I don't even think my husband notices that we have different wreaths on the front door for different seasons and he comes in that door every day, it's simply not something that he cares about enough to even think about.

[–]Chadthunder010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a straight white male and i approve this massage. Nobody's perfect, nor should be expected to be at everything. What men truely want is a person who admires them and encourages them to be better, not to be nagged at of our imperfections and issues.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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