I'm a relatively new kid on the block in the world of Reddit. I've flown through quite a few subs revolving around relationships and love and marriage. Actually, my SO (24M) and I both use my account quite actively for lurking and entertaining discussion purposes. I've just completed reading through the rules of this sub. I'm so shocked. And absolutely THRILLED to see that there is a sub dedicated to the empowerment of women in a way that isn't "I'm powerful because I walk around half naked and have sex with anyone I want because I can't be tied down or tamed". Like, bruh, no... That's taking your power away. Its an intoxicating powerful seduction that can get you short term results, yes, but when he's used you for what he wants and he's not coming back the respect for that power is gone.
I see so many subs about relationships out here and all the advice is "you dont have to change a thaang sweetie, if they don't like it they can find the door"... In whose world does that make sense ???? I don't like vegetables, does that mean I dont cook them in a way il be able to enjoy them a little more? Maybe even like them? Of course not, vegetables are important.
The realest of reasons I stumbled onto this sub was because I was actually looking for somewhere I could just post about some of the great things my SO does for me on a daily. I love the man with my whole heart. And after finding this sub, I think I've found a group who might enjoy the story of how we fell in love.
Some things I have to clarify: were both 24, we grew up about an hour away from eachother, and met when we started working for the same company in the same week. I was a party/rave kid, he was a video games on a big monitor and no lights on kid. Wildly different stories and backgrounds.
About 2 years ago I walked into a job orientation and sat next to an adorable boy who was kind, funny, and generally just extremely bright and happy inside and out. Funny enough, I came home from work that day and told my family I was going to marry him. We all had a good laugh because after a couple horror break ups and a failed engagement, I was done with relationships. I swore off the idea of marriage. I just wanted sex, why? Because it was easy, I didn't have to do ANY work. A year after the engagement failed I had seen a few cute guys casually, no commitment to any. I honestly just didn't want to do the leg work to transition to letting them meet my family, moving my shit to let him move some crap in, merging my life with his, y'know? After the past crappy relationships I just starting seeing men as meat. It was gross. But there was something about this man though.. I was hooked on his smile the second I saw him.. the way he could make anyone he was talking to feel like the most important thing in the world. It was magic.
I started to lay it on thick, all the techniques I had acquired. Flirting, casual jokes, compliments. But he didn't bite. I shrugged it off, he just wasn't that into me I guessed. It was a hard pill to try and swallow, but I really did try, and we developed the most amazing friendship in the world. He's my number 1 best friend, closer to him then my own sister. We had no secrets, which is why it made it easy for us to build a relationship.
He was a virgin. I was most definitely not. Not only that, but, I was one of those "power hungry body positive" feminist, plates before I got a reality check and an education. I realized he had never been in a relationship before either. You guys have to know, I knew he was the one, and I fixed my shit. I got a grip on what I wanted in life, I stopped partying, I stopped doing psychodelics, I stopped hanging around with the people who pushed for doing drugs. I distanced. I distanced myself from a whole life of bullshit I didn't even know I was a part of. Why? Because I knew he was the one, I didn't change myself. I changed my perspective on what I wanted in life, and a life with him beside me is what I wanted. The friendship that grew between us grew stronger and stronger, I became stronger on my own as well. He finally asked me one day if I like him, I was blunt and told him yes. He didn't comment on my answer and simply moved onto a new topic.
Well one night MONTHS after he asked me that, I finally got to hangout with him a little bit outside of work and alone. We were talking, having fun, drinking a little. He was sending a snapchat to a buddy of his and I asked if I could take the picture with him, he said yes, and I wrapped my arms around him from behind and he took a picture, a small hug, nothing wild. But it was the first time we had ever had any physical contact. The game changed and he hugged me again and told me he does have feelings for me as well but it scares him because he's never been with anyone and doesn't know what comes next.
Now, looking back, I changed my whole perspective on life for this man, I made it my absolute mission to make his first relationship healthy, and happy. I'm so self aware of my emotions and my actions, and because it's his first relationship, he's also taken on that quality on. We've built our lives together through open and clear communication and no secrets, a beautiful and strong friendship, and relationship.
When I say I treat him like a king, I mean it, il do his laundry, cook his meals, rub down his back and feet after a long hard day at work, clean up the house, vaccume, do dishes, spoil him and play hostess to his friends with hospitality ect ect ect ... Why? Because guess what bitchesssss!! When you take care of your man, like you would take care of yourself (or better) your man will reciprocate. Not only does he listen to me when I'm upset and just want to talk and cuddle, he also rubs down my feet and back when I've had a long day, and though he's not the greatest cook, now and then I come home to food he's picked up for us or some kind of small something weather it be a flower or a bottle of my favourite pop, he always reciprocates and displays his approximation.. And actually .. come to think of it, I don't think I've had to take the garbage out for the last 4 months. Or cut the grass or shoveled the snow or opened the pool or done any of the grose yard work I reallllllly hate doing.
I've never wanted children. I was a camp councilor, my mom was an ECE, and my sister was a camp facility manager (different camp). I HATED the idea of not being able to give the kid back to its parents after I was done playing games and being the fun adult. Now?... I can't imagine my life without him and the whole life we want to create in the world that we've built with the love and appreciation we have for eachother as the foundation. I took my plate knowledge from my past(sex and stuff), and my change in ambition and put it all into him. I put everything I have into him, and us, and he reciprocated. And still does. Everyday. I worked on myself to become the person he deserves to be with, the one who will treat him like the king he is, and I still think I have a ways to go. He knows this. He appreciates this and thus, reciprocates it exponentially more. We take the best care of eachother because neither one of us are too proud to say "you have to change for me" we always are both ready to say " how can I adapt so we can both be happy and healthy".
Be the women he wants, but most importantly, be the women he deserves. Or don't be his women and let him go find her. I knew I loved who he was and who he wanted to be. Not only that, but his philosophies of life really resonated with me, I knew if I wanted to be the women he wanted, I had to stop acting like a hurt, angry, entitled women, because who falls in love with a cube of ice? Cold, stiff, unwavering and unmoving? Falling in love with the ocean is alot easier.. flexible, adaptable and more powerful and refreshing. If you don't give your all to someone, be willing to change, meet them half way, make them feel important, how do expect to find someone who will?
TL:dr Just found this sub, I used to be a plate, met the man worth working on myself for, now il treat him like a king until the day I die because he reciprocates 10x.