First post here, hope it provides some value to you.
I've always been fascinated with mindset. I believe that mindset is about 80% of your results.
I've read a couple books on mindset as of late and these concepts can not only apply to your dating life, but to your fitness, business, work, family life, and more.
We have 2 types of voices in our head: One side of your head we call our rational head, and our emotional head.
Rational Head
This is the side of our head with the best intentions in mind. The one that takes into account your long term goals, and has the processes in place to achieve such goals. If utilized and optimized correctly this can account for nothing short of incredible results. This side of the brain wants you to start that next business. This side of the brain wants you to approach that hot girl on the street. This side of the brain wants you to eat keto and count your macros so you can get shredded for summer or the show. This side wants you to get up at 5AM and go for a run. This side of the brain wants you to go up to your boss and ask for a promotion that you thoroughly deserve. The only thing stopping it? The emotional head.
Emotional Head
This is the side of our head that has the now in mind, and completely disregards the future in any way, shape, or form. This head has formed an identity of who you are and won't budge to change such identity. This is the side of you which wants you to abandon that business idea, you aren't an entrepreneur. What are you thinking? This side of the brain wants you to stare at the hot girl walking by you and take no action. You don't approach girls on the street, that's not you, that's intrusive, you're an introvert, etc. That side of the brain wants you to eat pizza and ice cream and watch netflix instead of going to the gym and sticking to your diet. You'll never get a six pack anyway so why bother trying? This side wants you to snooze away and sleep in till 1PM and get nothing done.
Conquering the emotional head
So you may be asking yourself; how do I conquer this emotional head? Quite a variety of ways:
The 5 second rule, the Just Do It principle. Debating on snoozing? **Get the fk up.**
Shaping your new identity. In a nutshell, this basically means to craft the person you want to be, convince yourself that you already are that person, and act that way, until one day it becomes natural.
Ignore it. This is probably the hardest to do, and will result in most cases in relapse but I have seen some people who it works well for.
Dive headfirst into it and give yourself no safety blanket. Reluctant to go to the gym? Instead of doing a 1 hour workout, do a 3 or 4 hour workout, and a intense one. Make sure you are gasping for air afterwards. Quit your job and go after that business idea all-in.
Thought Processes You Need to Go Through
Another aspect to conquering this emotional brain, is to take it with consideration and find a balance.
Say you want to start that business. Your emotional brain says statistically, 80% of businesses fail. That's factual, but have you ever TRIED such business? Do you see a trend why these 80% failed? What did the other 20% do differently to succeed? Are there any ACTUAL Barriers preventing you from starting such business? Maybe capital is one of them. Valid excuse, given you've talked to actual investors to see if they are sold on your idea.
Your emotional brain says you don't have time to go to the gym or prep food. Have you ever broken down every single hour in your day? Do you honestly not have a measly 2 hours to get a quick workout in and throw some meat in the oven? Don't have time? Are your really prioritizing your life right?
Something that resonates with some of you, approach anxiety. You want to approach that girl at the bar, she's sitting with a guy. Your emotional brain says "That's probably her boyfriend, there's no point" Probably. You have no idea until you actually approach her.
You want to wake up early and be productive. You're emotional brain wants to snooze and get a couple more hours of sleep. Nothing is pinning you down, forcing you to sleep, and if you can extend your arm to click the snooze button you can use your arm to prop you up.
How this applied in my life
I used to be a straight up loser. I convinced myself I was one. I was short, fat, Asian, forever alone, introverted, can't talk to girls, etc. I was a disaster. I was this way for a damn long time. Inside I knew, somehow, I was a winner. I ignored this voice (the Rational head).
One day, I needed money and I got hired as a telemarketer. But I convinced myself I was a terrible salesman and unconfident (as much as there was some truth to it, it was simply because I was a beginner and had a lot to learn), and I dealt with call reluctance and eventually got a verdict that I had to hit my numbers next month or out the door I went. I knew inside I could at least hit my sales numbers, and theoretical factors were just stopping. I had the training, the offer perfected, but I wasn't taking any action. My "emotional brain" was firing on full cylinders.
So I started to change my mindset.
I convinced myself I was a great salesman, and that I was an absolute natural. I doubled the sales numbers that month. I imagined the salesman I wanted to be, and moulded my way into it. I imagined in my mind I was confident, charismatic, took rejection as a rejection of the service and not me and enthusiastic. And guess what? I became that person. Inside, I knew, I was a good salesman. I just couldn't convince myself to.
So after doubling my sales numbers and making my boss happy, I thought how could I apply this to other parts of my life? Using this method, I got better at game. I got better with family life. I started working out at 7AM. I started eating clean 24/7. I got ripped.
Am I still introverted? Asian? short? Yeah, there's some things you can't change. If you met me for the first time you'd be convinced I was extroverted.
TL;DR You can become the person you want to be by imagining yourself as such person. You can conquer the voices inside your head that say "You Can't Do It" and actually do it."
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