I got sent this...

http://memebase.cheezburger.com/share/8223853568

I thought I'd do the reverse, from the male point of view.

Dear tech support,

On the basis of several advertising campaigns and customer focus surveys, I crossgraded last year from Girlfriend v30 to Wife 1.0. I’m sorry to say that the installation was far from problem free. The initial configuration was OK, however it kept attempting to change a lot of my default settings to rather weird random configurations which caused my system to run far from smoothly. But despite the initial kinks, things were originally working as they apparently should.

Now, I expected a slowdown in performance of Mind Blowing Sex v2. Admittedly my previous version of Girlfriend v30 appear to have long initial loading times for this application and it wasn’t as exciting as previous version. But I have now come to find that it runs unbearably slow.

In fact the add on pack, BlowJobs v2 under-performs to completely inadequate levels. I set the scheduled task up and I see the pop up as if it is attempting to run, but for no reason it aborts and doesn’t seem to want to run again.

I have used the diagnostic tools that came with Wife 1.0 and they assure me that there is absolutely no problem.

At some point, I agreed to install some free downloadable content, Screaming Brat v1.0. Although touted as a great add on pack that really completes the Micropenissoft Marriage suite, I have found that not only does it constantly disrupt the smooth running of the OS even moreso, but it has in fact completely diminished the ability to get either the Mind Blowing Sex v2 or Blowjobs v2 applications to run!

It has exacerbated the problem completely to the point that Horrendous Arguments v6 is just constantly now running in the background. Any attempt to delete the process from memory or even uninstall it is met with even more instances and usually followed by Man Shaming v13 running until I just have to switch off and leave the room!

Please help me!

Signed, Desperate


Dear Desperate

Thank you for choosing Wife 1.0. We realize that you have a lot of choices when it comes to software for your Life system.

Unfortunately we are aware of the problems with Wife 1.0. All we can suggest is that you install Be Nice v48.9 which has been in development for quite some time. If this fails, then can I recommend a freeware application called Be Nicer v158.9?

Although some users report improvements, we cannot speak to its efficacy if Be Nice v48.9 fails to resolve your issues.


Dear Tech Support

Thank you for your advice. I have installed and run Be Nice and the Be Nicer applications. It seems they have come on a long way since we last conversed mere hours ago! Be Nice v98.2 is now the current version, complimented by Be Nicer v924.7. Although they both have many bugs addressed as per their literature, “Current fixes in this version” which are far too numerous to go into detail, little has changed.

However I have noticed a new problem. It appears our neighbour is apparently running my licensed copy of Wife v1.0 on his system, despite my having paid for it? I don’t understand how this can possibly happen. What really is annoying is that he is reporting no problems on his system at all.

Even though I keep the Be Nice and Be Nicer applications constantly up to date, as well as almost constantly having to tend to Screaming Brat v1.0 (I’m told that Screaming Brat v2.0 is a mandatory update and runs along side v1.0?), I still cannot get the Average Married Guy Sex v0.1.3 application to even work. Even the Playful Touching application just gives me loads of warning messages before installing a firewall which blocks everything for seemingly months at a time.

This situation really needs fixing! Signed Desperate


Dear Desperate

Unfortunately it seems that your copy of Wife 1.0 runs better on your neighbour’s system. You can verify, but it is likely that your neighbour is running his Life without the Fat Bastard add-on. If he is running with the Alpha Cock add-on, it’s very likely he’s running several licensed copies of Wife 1.0 for free. Though this is not illegal, it’s unlikely to change.

The only recourse at this point is to run our uninstall applications. They are available via our retailer Divorce Courts Software Inc. Just ask for Divorce Raping v1.1. Although it won’t completely uninstall the Wife 1.0 application, it will replace it with Fucked v1 for Life Systems.

Most users tend to prefer this course of action. Although it may prevent some editions of Girlfriend v31 from installing properly, the downgrade may be the most appropriate course of action for you right now .