I met an old friend at a party a week ago. When he asked me how I was doing, he was surprised to here my honest and sincere answer:"I'm really great, everything is going just as I want it to." He expressed his surprise, because he had followed my struggle through my 20s, and topped this of by saying:"You were the archetype of a angry young man with no answers and it's good to see you on track." This coming from a natural alpha kinda made me feel really good about my past year accomplishments and my search for answers to the following questions:
"How could she do this to me?" - "Why is this happening to me?" - "Why can't she love me the way I am?" Sound familiar? Yeah, I've been asking these questions a lot back in my blue pill days. But the most glaring question stuck with me:"Why am I so angry?" I was taught, from a young age, that you put women on a pedestal, you suffer and sacrifice for your woman, you defend her and take care of her, you have to be kind and gentle and listen to her needs and wants and in the end she will reward you with unconditional love and appreciation, right? Hell no! Recognizing that all my conditioned behavior did not lead to success, in the contrary, leading me to get hurt and be abandoned made me so angry. Inspite everthing I was taught I learned that women can be selfish and skittish, they will make you suffer for every weakness you show, they will undermine your integrity if you let them and try to cut you off from your family and friends to isolate you, and the best part about all this is: it's always your fault. I'm not being sarcastic here, I sincerely mean it: it's always our fault.
I had to learn this the hard way, but I did.
When I started out looking for answers, I was going through a terrible break up. And man, was I angry. Probably the first thing that helped me was finding this quote: "Being angry at someone is as though picking up a burning coal to throw it at someone; you're the one who gets burnt." So I started letting go. All her hypergamy, her solipsism, her malice towards me, it stopped mattering to me. What started mattering again was my own contentment and my improvement as a human being. I picked up making music again, I went back to training martial arts and started looking for meaningless hook ups instead of trying to find my soulmate. I would sometimes have a hiccup and fall back into beta behavior, but after some research and finding people like Rollo Tomassi, Roosh, Dalrock, The Beige Phillip Show and The Red Pill community I would always have a light house to guide me through treacherous passages and get back on track. My success story is not one of one shining inscident or a load of hook ups, it's more of a slow climb up a steep mountain. By now, I have released an album with my band and am involved in several other projects as well, I'm an instructor at my gym and teach other people something I enjoy more than anything and am on the verge of making a huge jump in my professional working field. On top I found a young woman, after spinning plates for a while who I thought was worthy of my attention and who I have let into my life.
I probably still have a long way to go, but I really want to thank this community and everyone who is involved in the manosphere for shining a bright light on the truth of gender behavior and for not watering down your believes to accommodate feminine imperative.