I was looking for a succinct title. Frankly, this isn't the best that I can come up with but will suffice.

Before TRP... No, way before TRP I was one of those guys who believed in the "one right girl for you" bullshit along with the other socially acceptable fairy tales like "friendship" and "follow your passion and be good at what you're doing and that will be enough". I was the guy who had unrequited love with a girl that never was anything more to her other than a validator/beta orbiter to the point of sulking every night all alone listening to shitty (to my newfound standards) music and hanged around other beta orbiters who were also disappointed for more or less the same reasons.

My quest to interpret female behavior led me to embrace reality as is. It almost feels like the plot twists in the movies where the main character finds a treasure chest only to open it and release a curse upon the world instead of living happily ever after. Only in my case I didn't released anything; I merely was able to see more clearly what was already there. I only wish I had found TRP sooner, at least 4 years sooner. That would definitely save both my face and my mind from delving into the dark thoughts of ending my life.

Before I felt like a burden, unwanted to everyone. Now I realize that everyone, myself included, can only talk or want someone around only when they have something to get from him, even if that's something is merely company and thought-provoking discussions. I realize that there will never be a girl who will just "love me for who I am" and I have to work hard to improve myself. I realize that making sparks when you type code in the computer is not enough to be a top programmer and that you need to play the game of politics and social networking in order to be visible to the right person at the right time.

I realized that the moment I was born a man my game of life is set on hard mode. By reading suggested TRP books like "no more mr. nice guy" and "48 laws of power" I enriched my theoretical knowledge and I still have a long way to go.

In a year or 2 from now I want to post in TRP with my progress but, I want to be fair: Being alive and out of my darker days ready to engage the world is progress enough for someone who was considering to kill himself feeling like a victim who wondered what has he ever done to deserve so much pain.

Thank you for reading.