~ archived since 2018 ~

Marriage saved

July 24, 2014

Just felt, after two or three months of lurking, absorbing, and now winning at life thanks to TRP, I should subscribe and share a bit.

I’m early 30s, married since early 20s. I’m a professional, currently raising three kids with my stay-at-home wife. Met her in college and married right after…we were each others’ firsts.

In some ways I was pretty alpha, albeit unknowingly, through college. I’ve always been tall and athletic, decent looking, football/basketball captain in high school, rugby in college. I got decent grades without trying, threw many parties, hooked up a decent amount (but not fucking, b/c we were all good little catholic kids). I was entertaining interest from a couple of girls at the same time I was hooking up with my future wife. I know now that me showing less interest in her made her all the more interested in me.

But I had no clue about game or what it meant to be a man. I was pretty timid around good looking girls (unless drunk). I was consuming a lot of pron, and I had no ambition. I had pretty much completely bought into the feminized, romanticized, betasized view of women and men. Basically, I thought myself a nice guy and was proud of it.

So I became more and more beta toward my future wife. Got engaged right after college because that’s what she wanted and that’s what I thought you were supposed to do. Somehow, we survived law school together, but over the years, I deferred pretty much every decision and responsibility to her because I didn't care and my preferences, in my mind, did not outweigh rocking the boat with my increasingly bitchy girl. I basically became a frustrated shell of a man, and my wife would tell me as much.

I didn’t know what to do. Whenever I did try to assert myself, she would go into bitch mode. Basically, whether consciously or not, she was shit testing me, and I would cower and fail miserably. I would usually just not do stuff with friends in order to avoid having to get her approval.

Of course, I tried to fix things by going more beta because that's what I thought guys are supposed to do. I would do more for her around the house, do more and more mother-type parenting, do more dishes, change more diapers, express more and more beta…and it was never good enough. I couldn’t figure out why it didn’t work…I figured this was just the way things were going to be until death or she left me.

In bed, I was a big fat pussy. I did not ask for, let alone take, what I really wanted, because I was afraid of what she would think. I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. I tried to "make love." But then, I would still sneakily go whack to pron, watching other men do the things I wanted but didn't have the balls to do…fucking embarrassing. But sluts are the worst and I didn’t want my wife to think I thought of her that way.

Meanwhile, physically, I got fatter and softer. I became more and more invisible to women.

Basically, I had handed my balls over to my wife, and she despised me for it. She may have still loved me a little bit, but it was basically just us having kids and her being a jihad Catholic that kept her from leaving me.

So I would try to quit pron from time to time because I knew that was unhelpful to realizing myself as a man. But it was always unsuccessful...I know now it was more a symptom, not the cause of my problems. But two or three months ago, I found my way to r/nofap, which then lead me to TRP.

My god, it was a revelation. For a month or two, I devoured everything on TRP and everything in the side bar. I started listening to NMMNG on my commute (that book explained my life to a T). I was living Aristotle's analogy of the cave. I immediately decided to become the man I wanted to be and to become the man my wife probably wished she could leave me for. So, I've continued reading everything TRP and implementing the TRP things I was once paralized by fear from doing.

Here's some of what I've done and what's happened:

  • When everything clicked, I literally lost all interest in porn. It felt pathetic to think about, and I felt like a fucking hercules without it.

  • At home, I started making decisions, just for the sake of actually making decisions, whether I cared or not. It worked. I would answer her questions with an actual answer instead of being wishy-washy. And I would tell her what we were going to do...not ask.

  • I started implementing a bit of game here and there…making an effort to be more dominant. Amused mastery in my interactions with my wife, and women in general. Even though losing the mother of my sons is really the last thing I want (she really is a stellar mother), I try to at least act in an outcome independent way with my marriage. I passed a few shit tests, and at one point essentially told her I would not allow her to talk to me disrespectfully. Now they rarely happen.

  • I started telling my wife to do little things here or there for me. I used to fear doing this and never did before, because it's just not what nice guys do – little did I know, what I wanted deep down was also what she wanted.

  • I took over our financials. My wife had been handling bills and financial decisions throughout our marriage, and it often stressed her out. She was much more responsible than me when we first started dating/marriage, so it just made sense. But I did not like being without that control over our family, and I did not want to continue being the little kid managed by a mother. So I told my wife that I was taking over bills, and that she needed to teach me the system.I told her this would be better for our marriage. She teared up with happiness. It's an easy thing for me, and she's definitely less stressed.

  • I’m working to eliminate “I’m sorry” from my vocabulary – something I would reflexively say about every little thing. It's a small thing, but it's an easy weakness to eliminate.

  • Lost weight. Just before finding TRP, my wife bought me Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint. It's legit. I lost 40+ pounds, lost swelling from a gluten-based diet, and I have tons more energy.

  • I quit being a self-conscious pussy in bed. And it's the simplest thing: I do what I want or tell her what I want...I don't ask. I love it, and so does she.

  • I've picked lifting back up, and I started dressing better. I feel awesome, more confident, I get IOIs all the time, and my wife now constantly rubs up on my arms with do-me eyes.

  • I joined a soccer team. It's a game at which I completely suck, but I love competition. And I did not ask my wife to play...I told her I was playing. Surprisingly (or not) she kind of liked the idea, something she would have never allowed in bluepill days.

  • I got promoted. Not really a result of TRP, but I'm able to appreciate it in a different way.

  • I rarely approach women, but I do things to remind myself it's an option if I ever needed to. I keep good posture, and make and hold friendly eye contact with attractive girls. This often results in a double take or a smile...I don't think most guys give good eye contact, but it usually gives the girl a little tingle and makes your cock grow three sizes.

As for my wife, she is noticably more calm and caring. She's noticably more supportive, submissive and satisfied, and it's how she wants to be. She's always been pretty, but she makes more of an effort now...either out of desire or dread or both, I don't know. She can allow herself to be more feminine. I know she is a woman with innate hypergamy that I need to be conscious of...but it's a whole new world when it is directed at me.

I still have much to learn and do, but thanks TRP

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Post Information
Title Marriage saved
Author useyourmouth
Upvotes 15
Comments 7
Date July 24, 2014 10:51 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit /r/ThankTRP
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Ghostwalker8241 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice man! I'm about three months into swallowing the pill with my wife. I'm still learning and still implementing everything I have learned so far. I really appreciate your post. Not nearly enough married guys post on here! Keep up the good fight brother!

[–]MasonJarTeaDrinker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome, I'm happy for your progress and I wish you a ton more.

[–]leftajar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fantastic report, man. Congrats. I especially love it when you told her you were taking over finances. She teared up out of joy, and probably relief!

Just for fun, invite her to watch you play soccer. Seeing you be competitive should be a turn-on for her. Protip: fuck her after you're done, but before you shower so she can bask in your man-stink.

[–]Roughknot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is excellent. The fact that applying the TRP can so dramatically turn around a 10 year marriage shows how on the money it really is.

Best of luck man and I hope you both remain happy.

[–]niczar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just one thing, gluten is not the problem, it's the carbs. Gluten is a protein.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]euphoria_bot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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