I came across this sub in Feb., but was boozing, partying, and attempting to live up my last semester of college far too much to pay attention. I started reading in June again- partly due to more time, partly due to frustration, and finally like many others in part because of the negative outside attention. Anyways, I fully swallowed the pill by the end of June.
Some stuff, I had subconsciously emulated from others or figured out myself over the years suddenly made sense. I suddenly had names and terms for things I had sensed before- namely demonstrating SMV, acting dark triad, prior selection, and a few others- these subconscious actions had gotten me pussy I had previously thought was random and just thrown at me.
But more importantly, this sub has allowed me to recognize the flaws in myself that had led to me not being happy in the first place- Number 1 and more then anything crippling oneitis! For the first time in my adult life, I have this sense of being free from this girl who I wanted to marry when I was 17. No matter how drunk I got, whatever personal, financial, social, academic success I made, I had been able to remove her memory from my head.
I truly believed- hoped- prayed- that this girl would come back to me for money like she always said she would when we were younger. Suddenly, all of the beta bux shit made so much sense! I was heartbroken when she went off to a different school to party, and I chased the bottle for a better part of 5 years because of it. I was so blind to her shit that even after pulling girls much better looking I would still pretend they were her. I'd even stoop as low as stalking her facebook and shit, just waiting for her to come back to me. It was some truly pathetic beta bux bullshit and I'm finally past it.
Anyways, I have poured myself into my new career, positive and beneficial friendships, and hit the gym again. I've made the moves for perhaps one of the toughest battles I've put off- going back to a full paleo diet, and start that next sunday. I know it will be easier then my countless failed attempts of the last 3 years because I finally stopped chasing those stupid beta dreams and drowning the memories in booze which is a natural block to successful dieting. I see alcohol now more as a useful tool, a tool that I don't have the power to use for the time being. It's a means to an end in my mind now, and not "the end"- the end of many relationships, both sexual and platonic, strained family ties, health problems, hospital visits, arrests, drunken bar fights, a near drowning in a third world country- I'm serious, that almost happened during a 72 hour cocaine, energy drink, whiskey, and tequila filled period a year or two ago- I could truly go on with this shit for a while.
Cut the fat- and moved on from a personal relationship with a "best friend" who wasn't really more then an extreme dark triad enabler suffering from Anti-social personality disorder and extreme bi-polar moodswings. He was my partner in my.. alcoholism... If we're gonna call a spade a spade here.. We enabled each other for the worse. We had some great times, but I barely remember a lot of them now. I've moved out and into a place with two extremely natural red pill, in control friends.
I've passed up on a huge swanky event I normally would be absolutely blacked out for and blowing ridiculous money on tonight to catch up on my laundry, and finish the move into my new place. Plus, the boss asked me to work Saturdays because I've been grossing so much since I've abandoned the booze and the accompanying come downs. Oh yeah, I was well past "hangovers"- I'm talking the comedowns that last 20 hours and require heavy benzodiazepine use just to control the shakes and heart palpitations. When you find yourself trying to control your dry heaving and diarrhea so your boss doesn't hear you- yeah it's time to move on.
Anyways, there was a lot more little things that I have to work on, but just the oneitis and alcohol demon being gone makes all the rest so much easier to process. I've been going back on my previous sexual encounters and relationships and identifying the successes and failures- The successes are almost all tied to game I was unknowingly playing, and the failures were all examples of me failing to hold frame, or playing down my natural dominating traits in order to "make a woman feel comfortable" when in fact all I was doing was shooting myself in the foot and drying up her panties like a truck stop hand blower. Finally, I realized that showing the commitment card too quickly fucked me over way too many times. Instead of pointless "cuddling", breakfast dates, and morning "talks" in bed after sex, I should have cut those woman out of my place as fast as possible. Doing what I thought would naturally make these women feel comfortable and lead to more sex ended up causing me frustration.
Since everyone is interested in field reports, I went out and tried this shit and new poise with a girl I've known for years and never done anything with. I would have fucked her in the back of my friends car if her friend wouldn't have been a drunk cockblock, but that's besides the point. It served as self validation and just a reminder that I'm not where I'm at yet or I would have been able to handle getting her out of there and her ugly ass friend to boot.
I still have a lot of work to go to get to where I'm capable of and where I want to be, but I'm going somewhere again boys, and it feels good. Whatever groups of white knights and females that want to attack the good work of this sub and school of thought is doing for people- let them. They are irrelevant. Throughout history, powerful men have gathered through a variety of forums to share thoughts and progress the world. Do you think the founding fathers weren't ostracized by beta orbiters and traditional females? They can throw stones from afar, but the temple will still be built gentlemen, as it has been for centuries.