A Baby Daddy’s Letter to His Little Boy (About His Future Hookups)

Hey Little Tyke,

Recently, I was scoping chicks on Facebook when my old Friend With Benefits posted one of those silly articles that chicks like. Some goober is telling his daughter what a princess she is and how she don’t need no man and how it isn’t her job to keep a man interested.

It’s true. But it made me realize that I should pass some of my knowledge about women on to you.

Little Tyke, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep her interested.”

Pump and dump, little guy. Find her, fuck her, forget her.

First, find girls with dads like this – they are usually down to fuck. The trick is, they are so sick of simpering “betas” like her dad she’s going to be looking for a real man, you know, a guy that doesn’t fawn all over her and treats her a little rough. Chicks dig that, they will usually be down for all sorts of kinky shit – handcuffs, spanking, that sort of things. Chicks love that shit.

Little Tyke, I want to tell you about chicks who don’t need to be kept interested, because they know if they don’t put out, you’ll just go somewhere else.

There’s always more fish in the sea, Little Guy. If one is giving you trouble, “next” her. It’s all about spinning plates. Sure, it’s tricky, it can be a challenge, but I know you have it in you. You see, they say that a slut is a woman with the morals of a man. This is true. It’s also true that a player is a man with the morals of a woman. So it all washes out in the end.

Look, it ain’t like it was back in your grand-pappy’s day. Chicks these days are like, liberated and shit. They don’t do monogamy anymore, at least not until they hit the wall, so to speak. That’s what betas are for. Not for guys like us. Besides, marriage is for fags now.

I know, at some point you’re going to get “oneitis” and think that one particular chick is “the one” or special or whatever. Stay strong, little guy – the feelings pass. If you ever find yourself pining away for “the one” – promise me you’ll head straight down to the local strip club and get a lap dance from some big-titted floozy, just to clear your head. There is never a reason to settle for just one. In fact, the more women you have, the more women you get. Chicks love a man with options.

Never change for a woman. If she catches you cheating, just say you were drunk. If she doesn’t love you at your worst, she doesn’t deserve you at your best.

I don’t care if she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose – as long as she knows you’ve got a back up plan in case she starts acting like a bitch.

I don’t care if her rent is due – she can find her ass some work. It’s not your job to take care of her.

I don’t care if she has a body like a brick shithouse – just as long as you know that you are the prize, not her.

I don’t care if she’s the finest piece of ass in several states – just as long as you remember there is always someone younger, hotter, and tighter.

I don’t care if she’s barely legal – if there’s grass on the field, play ball! If she bleeds, she can breed.

Now if you decide to bring one home, just remember, all’s fair in love and war – I might take a shot at her myself.

Oh, yeah, by the way, I really don’t know how to tell you this, but that man you have been calling “Daddy?” Yeah, he’s not your real father.

I am.

I gotta say, your mom was the best piece of ass I ever had.

http://hipsterracist.wordpress.com/2015/02/07/a-baby-daddys-letter-to-his-little-boy-about-his-future-hookups/

http://drkellyflanagan.com/2013/04/17/a-daddys-letter-to-his-little-girl-about-her-future-husband/