I have written below my most valuable lesson in the Game and what seems to happen to all DJ's sooner or later.
There's a popular concept in PUA/Redpill that women are AWALT, without any exceptions.
However, life tells a different story for most of us DJs. You eventually come across a girl who is different from all the rest. You want to keep her because you objectively note her high value and the way she makes you feel (mind blowing sex, great company, chemistry, great shared experiences/memories, intellectual/spiritual/emotional connection etc).
This Good Woman comes into your life. You didn't necessarily plan on it. You were just doing your own thing, spinning plates and leading a free existence.
Months go by and you realise you've been spending a lot of time with this One girl. She has made it so easy for you. She arrives at your door every day with her eyes sparkling. She is besotted with you. Your other plates start to dissolve into the background and you fall into a bubble with your "good woman" - you enter co-dependency and Oneitis. You don't even notice it at first. It's usually a slow process to reach a point of "needing" her in your life. This happens through spending all of your time with her and isolating yourself from your options. You are now in scarcity. You have naively fallen under the feminine spell of your Good Woman.
Because you're a player and you know you could bang other women, you may feel frustrated from time-to-time that this "good woman", through her feminine magic, has isolated you from your options. However, you accept the isolation because you have fallen in love with her and the thought and fear of losing her eventually eclipses your will to act on your desires for other women. You have allowed this isolation to take place because nearly all men have one fatal weakness - an addiction to feminine affection that far exceeds our addiction to sex. The love and devotion of a Good Woman is the most powerful feeling a man can experience. You become her superhero and she worships you, you become her God.
Soon, you begin to notice this Oneitis is weakening you. You feel lazy and complacent, intoxicated by your woman like a junkie languishing in an opium den. You begin to make concessions to your woman. She has pacified you. To regain power and your sense of self you may temporarily act on your desires for variety and cheat with other women. All this does is serve to remind you of how special your Oneitis is. You go back to her, after cheating, feeling even more affection and love. She is none the wiser and is she is also intoxicated by your subliminal indecisiveness. You are her caged animal. She senses it. She doesn't fully own your soul yet, but she will soon.
She slowly but surely dissolves your masculine fortress and she becomes a part of you. A part of your identity. You are in serious trouble now. You can't leave her. You need her. She has become essential to your world.
You project your Oneitis onto her and assume, naturally, that she has Oneitis for you too. This is where the unravelling begins. The balance of power begins to subtly shift. She senses that you "need" her. Her subconscious starts to question your true worth - "Why does this man need me? I'm just a little girl, lost and scared, and this man is relying on me for his validation. He is so nice to me. Why??"
She begins to subtly sh!t test you. Little things like passive non-compliance. You fail a few of these tests. You lose your temper with her. She then starts to sh!t test more, desperate to see if you are a man who doesn't react to her feminine capriciousness. After failing more tests, she begins to build a new subconscious image of you. You are now a weak man in her eyes.
Then the distancing starts. A woman's true power comes from the giving and withdrawal of affection. It will be subtle at first. She will begin to express desires to do things outside of the relationship. She's no longer fulfilled by your presence in her life alone. The challenge of taming the savage bull is gone because you are always there and she senses your devotion to her. You are no longer her bull.
During the distancing process she may ask to go travelling somewhere, to go out on the town, to visit new places, to build more friendship circles. Alongside this, she will start to criticise you subtly, then openly. Little things at first. It might be as simple as telling you to take your shoes off at the front door (little compliance tests). She will start engaging less with your opinions and points of view. She will start questioning your masculine opinions and expressing scepticism. She has started to rebel against you and lose faith in your leadership.
Her admiration for you as a man is starting to fall.
If you are a good lover, then you can confuse this process for her because the sex is still great. You can make her come easily. She loves your sex, but her emotional/ intellectual connection to you is waning alongside of this. Great sex is an excellent bonding tool, but it is not enough if your woman also senses that you've fallen deeply in love with her. Her hindbrain can't be satisfied with this display of weakness and neediness. She senses your misguided male idealised Love and your failure to recognise her hypergamous, opportunistic feminine Love. She only loved you because she saw you as Above Her. She now feels she is your equal, or better than you. She can't control her inner disgust as this becomes realised. How can you be her best option if you need her so much? This must mean she can do better, and she starts to see the green grass on the other side of the fence. A rich, emerald sparkling shade of green. Your relationship has become a muddy paddock.
When your relationship has entered this dynamic where she KNOWS you love her idealistically, then the relationship is fragile. You may be able to maintain this dynamic for years, but your relationship is terminally vulnerable to outside influences:
- She meets an alpha at work who gives her tingles.- Her single friends start to tempt her towards "muhhhh freedom" and "YOLO Independent Womanhood".- She starts building a life and support networks away from you (this will become her go-to when she leaves you).- She starts spending nights with friends, family. She has stopped mate guarding you. You find yourself at home, while she is out. You begin to wonder what she's up to and waiting for her call.
Then, one day, a fight happens. You are frustrated with her rebellion. She's not the woman she used to be anymore. You make a power move and try to pull her into line - maybe you even instigate a fake break-up to scare her. She goes to her friends and tells them what a controlling and abusive boyfriend you are. They empower her to block you and cut you off. This was too easy for her.
The woman and the relationship that you've invested months and years in is gone in the blink of an eye. Seemingly overnight she has flicked her mental switch and has re-written you as a Nobody. Briffault's Law comes into play - your only value is how you're making your woman feel in that moment. Your history together and your past investment in her is not taken into consideration. She is a creature of "The Moment." No history, only the Now. Women are slaves to their present emotional state.
You are shocked by her strength and her ice coldness. She withdraws and disappears. Often she will be unreachable - either she's blocked you on all devices, or she is unresponsive to your calls and messages. Maybe she will communicate with you, but she's cold as a corpse. Your attempts at re-attraction fail dismally and your self esteem plummets. This was a woman who was once your Love Slave, and now she won't even talk to you. This is the hardest experience a proud man will ever face.
Some men never recover from this ego-shattering experience. Your mind tortures you with imagined scenarios of how you could have acted differently. With the benefit of hindsight, you see the relationship's decline with clearer eyes (something your proud ego was previously preventing you from seeing while you still had her - "She'll never leave me").
The dreaded "If Only" - If only you'd intervened earlier when she started distancing. If only you'd followed the rules and distanced even more when she began the distancing process. Why did you pursue her and try to negotiate attraction like a needy beta? You know better than this! How could you have been so stupid? You KNEW the rules, but you were lost in Oneitis and you thought the rules didn't apply to you - "This girl is different"-Syndrome.
You live with the regret. You broke the rules of attraction. You lost her. This is the archetypal story of Man in his journey of Idealised Love and Oneitis. This is the darkest shade of the Redpill.