Esther Perel wrote an article that really needs to be discussed here:
If you want to understand what women want, don't ask them about their relationships; ask them about their affairs.
A woman I'll call Madison, 31, has been living with a man for almost five years. She tells me that she loves him and still believes they'll get married and have a family in a few years' time. But two months ago, she reconnected with her college boyfriend on Facebook, and they've been hooking up.
She tries Chad once, she never stops thinking about him. One snap of his fingers and she will be at his place in no time.
When I inquire as to why, she tells me that in the last year, she has lost interest in sex. "I used to be so into Steve," she says. "And I was often the one who'd jump on him when he came through the door. But then it just became such an effort, I couldn't muster it up. It really freaked me out. I'd do it because he wanted to, and sometimes I'd get into it, but mostly I felt numb. I reached out to my old flame to find out if I had really lost that part of myself."
Once a man is "secured" in a stable relationship, the thrill is over. Sexual attraction either disappears completely or "only" suffers an incredible decrease if the man is attractive enough to afford it.
- Women tire of monogamy faster than men.
Which completely contradicts common notion pushed by most of the media. Men are supposedly the "fuck-it-alls", women are perfectly happy with loving, stable marriages but it is men who go out there and screw things up because they can't keep their pants on. Ooooor this isn't true at all and Perel knows it well.
All of this reinforces the commonly held belief that women's sex drives just aren't as strong as men's. But more often than you might imagine, those same women shock themselves and their partners by ending up in a torrid affair.
She IS terribly sexual, just not with you.
Commitment is not proof of desire.
Women often seek commitment because it's the ultimate affirmation — to be chosen above all others. But ironically, once the commitment is made, the equation shifts.
Women want to get married, but they don't want to BE married. They want the validation of having men kneel before them and kind-of-worship them, but they will leave soon. Jennifer Lopez is a great example of this: 5 marriages and every single time she's the one to break up and leave. She wants the validation, not the relationship.
Thoughts on this topic and how people react to it?
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