BACKGROUND: The typical red pill advice is that "an open relationship is the beginning of the end". But is this really true? I’m going to argue that with appropriate selection of an open relationship model that it may work in your favour as an open relationship strategy.

BODY: Let's deal with the two biggest issues first. Alimony and raising someone else's kids. If you're in a region without alimony then I think the below arguments require some consideration. On the contraceptives front, contraceptive implants exist, and you can see the evidence that they are there.



Types of open-relationship


What type of open relationship? Sexual openness only or are feelings allowed too?

There's only one sensible answer to this question: feelings are allowed too. To the extent that women use sex to get a relationship and men use a relationship to get sex, you have to put what you have to offer on the table. A relationship that is only sexually open doesn't prevent branch swinging behaviour. A relationship that is only sexually open doesn't create dread game.

An open relationship that allows for both physical and sexual intimacy is called polyamory.

Dread game: It really is the secret of polyamory

If you believe that women want a relationship out of you, but you're polyamorous, then you seeing other women creates dread for your LTR. It is a clear display of abundance, it is a clear display of you having other options, not just other options for sex, but other people with whom you could make a commitment too.

Take polyamory one step further: Non-hierarchical relationships

Make no promise to maintain the current hierarchy of your relationships. Make this explicit. Tell your partner they can leave if they ever find someone they'd rather spend their life with. Tell your partner that you'll tell them if you ever think you'd like to do that, with ample heads-up time, but that you expect the same courtesy.



The objections


But, I don't want her fucking other men

DUDE! Your plate is fucking other men. You say AWALT but then you differentiate between plates and LTRs? In fact, by forbidding someone from fucking other people you actually substantially reduce the probability that you'll ever found out, they'll hide it from you. Turns out, if there's no consequences you find out something much closer to the truth.

But, she'll be able to fuck anything that moves

YES, SHE COULD, and to the extent that she could, she can now too. Let's be honest, your partner will probably be able to go out and find someone new to sleep with on any given night. Will she? Probably not (well, maybe at the beginning). To the extent that she does long-term, well, how in to you was she?

But, no one will want to fuck a partnered man

BULLSHIT! You open yourself up a number of new markets. First, cheaters love a partnered man (especially a married man), because they assume you won't catch the feels or flip out on them. Second, there’s a whole pile of women who “don’t want anything serious” but don’t want to increase their partner count, you are safe because they know you won’t catch the feels. You know, then there’s the whole pile of normal single women, or those that want to see if they can poach a mate (this group is oh so much fun).

I think I’d also add in here that if you are truly comfortable with this you become incredibly “safe” for women, and not in a bad way. They don’t fear judgment from you for their past exploits because you’ve demonstrated a sex positive attitude, plus they know you’ve probably done the same.



The advantages


Social proof: “You mean you’re spouse knows you’re fucking other women, taking them to dinner, sleeping over etc. and still wants to be with you?!”

The emphasis here is on the maintenance of the relationship. Your spouse is not just letting you have sex with other women but “have relationships” with other women. Your spouse has surrendered the relationship exclusivity because what she gets out of her continued affiliation is clearly worth the trade-off.

True abundance

Having more than one person can be an excellent cure for oneitis in a LTR.



The caveats


In addition to the caveats noted above, I’d note the following risks:

Branch swinging

Whoever brings it up probably has someone in mind. Delay. Delay. Delay. If your partner brings it up say you’ll think about it, but as it wasn’t on your radar you want to do some reading first. Delaying 6 to 12 months is a really good idea if this is your concern. If your relationship isn’t in a good position at this point, well, the answer should be no.

Oh so many shit tests Like, more than normal

When encountering someone new and they find out you have a partner expect shit tests galore, but understand that most of these new ones are simply trying to catch you out as a cheater and are very easy to deal with.

The road is green at the start

You’ll be optimistic at the fact that you can now sleep with whoever you want. Then you’ll get disheartened when you don’t get too. Then you’ll get green with envy that your partner can. If you’ve truly swallowed the pill, this stage of envy shouldn’t really happen too badly, but it will be there. It gets better with time.

Communication and transparency needs to be in your frame

This strategy genuinely requires a strong communication approach to LTRs and plates. I think TRP pushes people away from this as being a legitimate part of one’s frame.

If you can’t pull lots of women easily while single (via some means), this isn’t for you

There’s a common observation in polyamorous circles that the 80/20 rule is magnified beyond the normal population, perhaps because it’s explicitly sanctioned.

About me (I’m not theory crafting, non-hierarchical polyamory is my reality); 28, married (5 years, together 9), 6ft and fit but I don’t lift (probably should), have a PhD and earn 6 figures. Polyamorous for 18 months. On average, I add a new plate every month, and they tend to last an average of 3 months. My LTR is going very well too, thank you; the sex is the best it’s ever been, and there’s the fewest problems there’s ever been.

SUMMARY: Everyone’s a filthy whore, you should just be open and honest about it. It'll pay off for you if you can retain the partners until men's average SMV exceeds that of women (and I think recent TRP advice is that men shouldn't be going for LTR until late 20s anyway).