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Are you still faking it, even when you've "made it"? Find the voice that makes you love yourself.

March 2, 2015
34 upvotes

I know you're faking confidence. I can practically smell it. My ears and eyes are very sensitive to the breakable beta bitch in the bar that's practicing his new PUA seduction techniques. It becomes clear that the girl he is seducing is going along with it because she just wants a cheap ride for the night.

But she still gives me her number when I walk up and ask for it. Why does she do that when you've done such a good job at playing the game with her? You opened a bunch of sets, you walked away at one point to tease her, you were seen openly flirting with all sorts of girls in the bar... you did everything right.

But you're still not that guy that has girls swarming around him to hang on his every word. Why? What does he have that you don't?

He has confidence in his self. He honestly, truly loves himself. He loves every word he says, and every action he takes. When he goes to touch a woman, it is not with his arm, or his hand, or his fingers, it is with his whole body, the whole of his internal energy is being directed towards this person, if only for a brief second. There is no denial, no turning back. He is in it to win it with every single thing he does and every word he says. He doesn't take an action if he does not love that action.

That love for himself pours off of him to all others around. You pick up on it yourself. You can't help but look at what he's doing, trying to study his movements, his actions, to place what it is he is doing that entices people to him.

If you are in love with yourself enough, you can walk up to anybody and have a conversation about your favorite potato chips that ends with the other person thinking that they just met their new best friend. You can walk up to a girl and say, "You are beautiful, I'm buying you a drink, come talk to me." And she will follow, because your self love is commanding, it is intriguing, and it is so sexy that she wants a piece of it.

How do you achieve this self love? I recommend meditation, and actually talking to yourself. I literally looked in a mirror saying, "I love you" until I found a voice that I couldn't argue with. There was no wavering in the confidence in that commanding voice that I found. I stretched my vocal chords hard to find it, and I practice it every day as much as I can. It is becoming natural, and has instantly jacked up my frame. I am now stronger than the sum of all of my accomplishments, experiences, and knowledge. It now matters not what I do, but how I feel about myself.

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Post Information
Title Are you still faking it, even when you've "made it"? Find the voice that makes you love yourself.
Author trumpill
Upvotes 34
Comments 19
Date March 2, 2015 8:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/are-you-still-faking-it-even-when-youve-made-it.29759
https://theredarchive.com/post/29759
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2xpbun/are_you_still_faking_it_even_when_youve_made_it/
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Comments

[–]revengeofthecrazy15 points16 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Much has been written about the difference between being alpha and displaying alpha traits. If you have been born not alpha and want to become truly alpha, you have realize the extreme journey that it is:

I had rough teenage years, with no girls, being a skinny ass nobody who was scared of everything and everyone. Over the years, I identified everything that was holding me back, discovered psychological blind spots, overcame depressions and hard hitting realizations, massively changed bad habits, destroyed my pride and built it up from nothing. I couldn't relax or have fun for years, because my head was so filled with the seriousness and the extreme urgency of wanting to become something different and better. I was horrible to be around and I was suffering constantly. TRP was the key that brought almost two decades of work together. I've worked on my problems every day of my life. I'm turning 30 in a few months and I've only now gotten to a point where I can start accepting myself. I can now feel that true confidence and self amusement taking over many days of the week and I often feel like a million bucks. I can get myself into state and be self amused and do mundane stuff while feeling love for what I've become. The smirk has become real.

My advice to people who struggle with finding true inner peace and confidence is therefore: Identify what you have to do that will allow you to start respecting yourself. Deep down, you may already know what our dream self looks like, how he thinks and acts. Once you have painted that image as clearly as possible, you can work towards it. It may be a list with a thousand entries, and when you tick off one, a few new ones will pop out of nowhere. I'm not talking about silly dreams and things "you wanna do some day". I'm talking about the disgusting shit you're scared of and try to avoid. Your arrogance, your illusions, your false expectations. It may take decades to get to where you need to be and you may not even yet know about half of the things you'll need to attack. But you can be 100% certain that if you don't attack every single entry on your list, you will never feel truly good in your skin and you will constantly be incongruent. You may fool yourself and a few girls for a while, but your unaccomplished self will always end up shining through to drag you back into misery.

As a student of life with extreme expectations I can tell you, you can get to a place where you feel 100% actualized. The place is real. You can become free. But you need to be cut out for the journey because it's long and rough as fuck and the clock is ticking fast.

[–]smvking2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Logged in to say that this comment is brilliant.

This is what I want. To be in that place you just described. A place where I can accept myself and have complete inner peace. From the outside looking in, no one can see your viruses. They see a good looking, healthy guy. They don't know what's inside. They gnawing never ending anxiety of never feeling good enough. That is what I want to end.

So meditation and telling yourself "I love you". Any other tips?

[–]revengeofthecrazy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Appreciated. Read what I've replied to the other guy, it applies just as much to your comment. I also meditate and read a lot. You need to become very wise about many subjects in order to free yourself completely.

[–]trumpill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, nothing is better than time alone. You will never get more comfortable with yourself than when you have to do something alone especially when it's something hard.

Have you ever done a long through-hike?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-distance_trails_in_the_United_States

It will cost a significant amount of money to buy the gear required, but this will really test you if you aren't comfortable in the back country.

I've never met a through-hiker I didn't like.

[–]pxmped1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Excellent reply. I find this very relatable to my current frame of mind. Although ten years younger, I feel that the journey to find what I want, who I want to be, where I want to find myself, will take ages.

I am only recently trying to become the image of my 'dream self.' I berate myself for not starting younger, but I realize this is foolish. My problem I run into is... What is it that would truly make me happy? I want power over people. I want self-love as the OP describes. I want a body that is distinguished. I want materialistic things as well, such as cars and boats. I want to be highly educated and have a powerful career.

.... But these are just things I reason to myself that I desire. Are they actually, though? Will this make me the man I want to be? I truly do not know the answer to the question.

If you have any advice or anecdotes about how you found what you wanted, I would be all ears.

[–]revengeofthecrazy6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know exactly what you mean. I have the answer for you. As humans, we don't chase things, we chase feelings. Feeling a certain way about something or ourselves is what drives us to do anything. Like me, you're probably spending a lot of time thinking about what would make you happy. The deal is, you're not chasing things, you're chasing feelings and there's a million barriers between you and getting to those feelings. To get to them, you have to identify the barriers. Don't focus on what will make you happy in the future, focus on what is making you unhappy now and attack it.

But you also need to physically move towards your material desires at least a bit. Let me explain. If it's cars and boats, you have to get close to these things. Oftentimes, it's not even owning them, it's about being around them, so you can feel your fascination flow through you. It may very well calm down afterwards and you'll realize you don't need to own the thing to feel fulfilled. I have seen this with cars and, interestingly boats as well. I worked hard and bought my dream car. I knew it wouldn't make me happy to own it. It didn't change me directly, but it allowed me to approach life differently. It's not the thing itself, but the doors it opens for you. If it allows you to behave differently then it can help. But it won't set you free. For me, the step of buying something so expensive while knowing that it's a bad investment was part of it. I did it just for myself, it was selfish and stupid and I love that. It has allowed me to let go of many fears and it's a symbol of "doing what I want".

As for the boat, I went to see boats as if I was buying one. I asked the salesmen questions and looked around, they showed me everything about them. I checked out the biggest yachts I could get access to through friends - the real exclusive deal. The multiple million yachts. I loved it. Then I went home. A few weeks later my desire had faded. The magic had been "defused". I now know "what it is" and I know I don't need to own it, to be satisfied. When I see a photo of a yacht, I know what it looks like inside, what the materials feel like, how much it costs to own it and that strange lust for it is gone.

Being around the things you desire without owning them can do a lot. It's a good idea to allow yourself to learn what those things are. What this also does is add personality traits. You're that guy, who does that, who loves that, who lives for that. My friends know I love yachts. When I see one, I go look at it, but I'm chilled out. That's what will help you in becoming fulfilled in the end.

I also wanted to influence people. I didn't know where I would be able to do this. I like writing, I could do it through that. I also tried producing music, and I do, but it's not taken off yet because I give it too little effort. I studied 3D design, so I could do it through that. I ended up teaching design, it was an unexpected turn in my life but it fulfills that need to be in front of people and help them move forward. It's strange how these things can work out. A need in you may be fulfilled by an unlikely activity. You should never pass up an opportunity and give life the chance to show you something new.

Get fit. Lift weights. Become that guy. The ideal male body image is all over society. There's a million ways to rationalize not needing it to be happy. But everyone desires it, men and women. Dude, having been a skinny bitch, I can't begin to describe what it feels like to be objectified for your body once you become buffer. This is what women feel like all the time? Fucking hell. Also, lifting is fun and great for your mind. I did it alone for years. It has strengthened my mind and nobody can take that away from me. Now I train with buddies sometimes. I love lifting now. It's who I am.

About women, I was extremely beta, and my expectations of them were completely out of this reality. I had a lot of heartbreak and suffering to go through. I had nothing to offer because I was so broken and wanted love and fulfillment from women. Obviously I didn't consciously understand how this was complete bullshit and I had to read all kinds of self help stuff (good and bad), find the PUA community, learn how to force myself to become social and confident. Later I found TRP and it all came together. Instead of dedicating myself to attracting women and being a victim of my urges, I also experimented with abstinence and gaining control over my deepest urges. It has set me free. Now my expectations of women are exactly zero, because I'm in control of the one thing that only they could offer. I understand their nature perfectly now and I forgive myself for having expected things of them that they are not about at all. The hate and frustration is gone, and I enjoy them in their simplicity. I don't attach myself to them because it's a bad investment and they can't help themselves. It's their nature and I don't mind it anymore. I've been so needy all my life, I never knew I'd turn out to not want a woman to come too close to me. I love my freedom too much now. You have to find your illusions and let go of them. I've become completely unneedy around women and they behave differently around me. I know I've become what they truly desire and when I speak, they turn to butter. Then I either choose to further interact or I walk away because I've got other things to do. You get the idea. They hold no power over me. That is pure freedom.

Some things about ourselves are variable, and if we feel the need to improve them, then we must. It doesn't matter if it becomes an obsession as long as there is measurable progress. There are some things we cannot change, and if we feel bad about those, we must compensate them with the things we can change. It's the only way to find balance and accept parts of ourselves we are unhappy about and cannot change. For example how your face looks. Either you think it's good enough or you think it's not. You will compensate it with a hundred means, but in the end, it won't even matter anymore because you've started living solely for yourself. Looks are just a tool we think we need to receive love from strangers and stroke our ego. Work on the things you can change, and the rest will become less important. This is what learning to become truly alpha is about. Some people are born this way, can you believe that? People like us can learn it. When you have truly accepted yourself, everyone else will. You will radiate credibility and your joy and power will be immense.

I wish you the dedication and willpower it takes to do this. You must find and attack your demons head on. You must strangle each one to death with all you've got. You must do this every day so that you will become all about changing yourself. Improvement and control of yourself must be one of your main character traits. Rid yourself of people who hold you back. Don't bother explaining yourself. Try a lot of things and do them seriously. You must do this fast. It's the perfect age of misery and downfall of our society to do this. We've been given the perfect battlefield.

Edit: Fixed and added some sentences for clarity and arguments' sake.

[–]pxmped1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow. I am very grateful for the time you have put into this reply. We seem to be very similar people and that is what I look for when I seek advice.

If I can't identify the ideals I need to chase to make me happy, I need to understand what makes me unhappy, and rid myself of that.

What you're saying is working on myself could never have a negative effect. As long as I continue to chase things I know or think I want I can't be on a bad path.

One of my main goals now is identifying insecurities, things that hold me back, and tackling them and ridding myself of them. Eliminate the negative to find the positive.

I can't articulate myself as well as you. But I understand what you say well. It resonates in me and there is a lot of experience in your words. Thank you very much, and I'll keep your username incase there's anything else we could discuss in the future.

Cheers

[–]NeoreactionSafe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is what Men Going Their Own Way is really about... finding your inner voice.

A lot of guys on Red Pill don't realize a lot of this deeper stuff about "being real" inside, so it's good I'm not the only one talking about it.

Men are the Artists... we define reality.

[–]sunwukong1552 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Meditation is key. There is a kind of meditation where you sit and do breathing for a few minutes, then you repeat out loud your name.

You say it over and over and take long pauses in between and think on what your name means to you. You recap in your kind the sum of your experience. Envision the negative aspects of your personality shredding off your body as you say your name.

Do this once a day.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]Heraclitus940 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

I tried to commit suicide about a week ago, and since then I've had my ups and downs, but things are getting better. I'm still a fat, neckbeard whose afraid of women and has horrible hygiene, but I'm trying to stay positive. Maybe someday I'll be a better person, but for now I'm just trying to stay positive.

I've always hated the idea of faking it until you make it because to me I just felt dead on the inside, that I couldn't be me, maybe I'm just really lazy.

[–]id-buyer7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's really surprising how quickly you can turn things around. Take it in small baby steps and eventually you'll have control over your life. Go to the gym, lift, and eat a deficit. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need motivation to work out. All you need is discipline. You just need to get up and do it because that's what you do. Even if you don't care about getting fit or working out, just do it. Do it for the sake of doing it. If life is already a monotonous, hellish trudge, then working out shouldn't bring you discomfort since you are already at rock bottom.

Months will fly by and, without realizing it, you'll start to feel better. People will start giving you more attention. You will finally have meaning in your life and motivation to do the things you need to do.

[–]smvking1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Improving your situation in life is a science. There are steps you can take to positively change your situation. The easiest are physical, then mental, finally spiritual.

Start with physical. Here is a resource you might like: popularfit.com The website contains insightful health tips, including mental health. Next I suggest you partake in a very challenging physical activity. Possibly boxing, or MMA, search for local gyms in your area.

Don't worry about girls, they add very little value to your life. Create a vision for yourself and take steps to achieve it. Also for motivation check out a guy called "Grant Cardone" on YouTube.

Good luck.

[–]Shai_Huluds_asshole0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Faking it is for me just too exhaustive. Look at yourself, better that person and then it'll just go its natural cause. It might take longer but at least it'll be honest and come more natural

[–]Heraclitus941 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

One of the main problems I have is I just lack motivation in my life. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get motivated for anything anymore. I've lost a lot of interests in old hobbies and don't even wanna leave my room somedays. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me and why I can't be happy or having meaning in my life.

[–]Shai_Huluds_asshole2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can also legit depressed bro, it's a real disorder and has real treatment. Otherwise I would say focus on thing which are within your reach. Shave the neck beard, lose the weight etc. After you've gotten there you'll probably already be happier than you were recently.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

How much time daily do you spend browsing web and using multimedia?

[–]trumpill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I spent a year like that recently. My only advice is to be persistent, and to keep trying things. Try new things. Learn new things. Just force yourself to keep trying until something becomes clear. It might be a rut, or a funk, or whatever, but I highly recommend persisting as long as you can without chemical assistance until you find something that gives you a reason to get out of bed in a hurry.

[–]antariusz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Find new hobbies.

If you're fat, you probably had more than a few hobbies that kept you sedentary.

My current goal in life is to have spent more time lifting weights than I spent in World of Warcraft. I haven't played in about 4 years, but I think I spent around 4000 hours. It will take me a long time, but eventually I'll get there.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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