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Ask Whisper: The Fear and Shame Loop

October 30, 2015

Hey Whisper:
How do I overcome the fear of rejection and shame?

This question is very relevant to beginners. It's one thing to talk about bitch management, or how to pass a shit test, but there are a lot of young men out there who cannot make themselves put one foot in front of the other, physically walk up to a girl, open their mouth, and speak.

Now we can Gronk! away at men like this, call them scared little bitches or whatever, and maybe we even do some good with it, if we make them more scared of not approaching than they are of approaching. But there is a reason why this happens.

I call it the Fear and Shame Loop.

What young men fear, when they fear approaching women, is harsh rejection and humiliation. But why exactly do they fear this? Odds are this woman is a stranger whom they will never see again. Why does it matter what she thinks?

It doesn't. What these men fear is not the possible negative consequences. They fear the shame and fear they will experience. Being afraid hurts, in as real a sense as pain hurts.

When a frightened man approaches a girl, he isn't in danger of feeling like shit if things go badly. He already feels like shit, because the fear and shame he has developed. That's the danger he is afraid of, and it happens every time, whether he is rejected harshly, gently, or not at all. The more afraid he is, the worse the experience is, and the more afraid he is be next time. This is the loop... a self-reinforcing cycle of social anxiety.

There are many approaches to beating this spiral, everything from desensitization, to visualization, to training, to increased SMV, to drugs... and a full-blown case may require multiple methods.

But the most important first step is the realization that the enemy is not the girl, or the "danger" of rejection, or even his own poor social skills.... it is the shitty feeling he has while doing the approach.

Focus on the knowledge that the fear you are experiencing is not a warning of greater danger ahead. It is only a warning of itself. If you are experiencing it, and you can still hold yourself together and function, then that's the worst it has to offer. There is nothing more to be afraid of.


If you liked this article, please don't buy me any more Reddit Gold. I have enough to last years, and Spez and Ellen Pao don't need more soy lattes. Instead, the completely optional and rather frivolous "Buy Whisper More Steroids and Send Reddit to Chapter 11 Fund" can be found at the following Bitcoin address: 1DChc2Azt3zGHbZcwBwPG42jL9B8SuktdD

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Post Information
Title Ask Whisper: The Fear and Shame Loop
Author Whisper
Upvotes 104
Comments 33
Date October 30, 2015 9:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/ask-whisper-the-fear-and-shame-loop.37714
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3qw3t6/ask_whisper_the_fear_and_shame_loop/
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