EDIT: Downvoting mother fuckers... This is your God damn Senator... It's a fucking joke.
Sorry to bother you guys,
So I'm a bit of a quagmire which I'd like to start from the beginning. It all started after I got back from the gym (don't forget those squats) and was sweating testosterone. "This can't be good", I thought. I then looked down and realized that I had a raging boner which meant, due to my biological imperative, I had to go out and fuck some stupid woman. Uggggggg. So I throw some shit on -- making sure to spray myself with some pheromones, get in a cab, and eventually I arrive to some stupid bar. I got there so fast that I was the first to the door, so I opened it and let the sluts behind me go in. They thanked me, and all I could muster up was, "Thanks, it's my privilege," while giving her a wink -- she wants sum fuk. Oh and by the way, I had a full on boner this whole time. I couldn't help it. Biology.
So I walk on in after them, like le gentleman that I am and head towards the front of the venue. I arrive at the coat check and hand over my fedora and trench coat (10% cashmere). I then bow to the obvious slut handing me my return ticket and part ways -- like a gentleman.
After I get in, the crowd was obviously blue pill as fuck. Everyone was talking and pretending to have fun. LOL, those naive fools -- not a single one had a Pokemon shirt on as an edgy reference. Such losers. So I make my way to the bar, staring down at least 5 other alpha males as I make my way. No one said anything, because they were obviously afraid of my presence.
Once I make it to the bar, I sit down and open a book to entertain myself around these fucking idiots, but ended up realizing I was far too far distracted by the HB4 (soft 5) sitting next to me. She was so timid and clearly emotionally abused. Perfect; my privilege cock was so hard. So I open her with, "Hey why do you look like such a whore?" -- bitches love some negs. She was obviously confused (lol simple woman), and said, "What are you talking about?" I just responded with, "Shut up slut, you like sum dik." At this point she was under my full control. So we head out -- not forgetting my fedora at the coat check, of course.
We take the bus to my house, because my mom wouldn't let me take the car out that night, and get home around 12am. During the whole ride home she kept saying how uncomfortable she was (even though I paid for her buss ticket) so I had to grab her by the wrist to stop her from panicking -- women like male dominance and that kino.
So we eventually get off the buss 2 hours later -- thanks MOM! -- and she looks really scared but she shouldn't because I haven't let go of her wrist since we got on the buss. So I just laugh in her face, call her a bitch, and tell her that she's coming up to my room -- women love it when a man takes charge. At this point she starts resisting and pulling away. But I know better; it's just some Last Minute Resistance(LMR). So I just ensure her that I'm an alpha male and that she'll do what I say. I then slap her in the face to calm her down (with an open hand of course #gentleman), and she meekly agrees. She's so cute, so timid, and so confused on how to act around a real alpha male.
Once we get in, she starts playing with her phone trying to dial something that starts with a 9 and 1, but I'm not going to let her call some orbiter from Riverside. Not on my clock bros. So I did what I had to do and grabbed it from her to let her know that when she's with me, she's not allowed to use her phone -- BTW, soon as I did this, I swear to God I heard the other men in the building start pounding their chests. No joke.
So anyways, I now have her were I want her. LOL WOMEN ARE SO DUMB! She obviously wants some fux and has submitted to my alpha frame. However, she then tries to run for the door because she wasn't ready for this level of alpha male and probably had to get back home right away to paint her nails or some shit. But I wouldn't have it -- not with this boner. So I remind her who's the dominant frame and slap her. Unfortunately, when I slapped her I accidentally picked up a knife which lead to me accidentally slitting her throat -- yeah, total self cock block.
So now here I am on the internet trying to ask you guys, "What do I do with her body?" It's getting pretty stiff and dry and I don't think I can get any more fux in (4 times so far; even when dead she can't stop the carousel LOL womyn are sluts).
Alright, fuck, fuck... Umm... I don't know what to do when a pimp hand gets this strong. I mean, I can hear all the other alpha males pounding their chests through the walls of my apartment, but they aren't actually helping. Also, I have this raging boner because of my alpha. I'm just confused and am not sure what to do next -- other than give her corpse one last good pipe, which I plan on doing out of respect.
More specifically, is there anyone in Socal, Huntington Beach, near 7th and Main that wants to help me move this dumb inferior body? I can't simply dump it in the water because it'll wash up on shore. We need a boat or something to get her out real deep. I'll even let you fuck her before dumping her. Anyone?
This is obviously satire. NSA, please go away. Unless, of course, you want to take a round on her too. She's still kinda warm.
