While exchanging text with some of our fine friends over at Purple Pill Debate, I accidentally came up with a four-point summary of the main concepts I’ve taken from the Red Pill that have resulted in the greatest improvement to my marriage. It actually sounds kind of simple when you lay it out in summary form: be selfish, be dismissive of undesirable behavior, be amused at anger, and communicate less rather than more. Of course, conventional societal teachings tell us that this is a surefire path to divorce and unhappiness. Yet time and time again, in all of our interactions with women, the exact opposite proves true. If you do these four things, you have a good sex life and a good home life. If you do the opposite of these four things, like society tells you to do, you have a sexless relationship with a disrespectful bitch and get cheated on and dumped/divorced.
Be selfish – No woman respects a man who doesn’t respect himself. You respect yourself by putting yourself first. By knowing what you want and taking steps to acquire it. By being forward and honest and outright saying what you want. By doing what you want. By not compromising on what you want.
Now obviously, being selfish doesn’t mean being a disrespectful ass. Don’t skip out on your kid’s birthday party to go to the gym. Don’t plan beers with your coworkers on your anniversary. You can be a little flexible. You’re supposed to think of your woman occasionally. And when you’re a guy who generally puts himself first and does what he wants, then on those rare occasions when you do think of your woman, it’s special to her and she values what you’ve done for her. Conversely, if you’re generally a self-sacrificing guy who’s always doing shit for her, then nothing you do is special or valued. It’s ordinary. In fact, if you ever stop doing all of that shit for her or dip slightly in your self-sacrificing behavior, you’ve fallen below ordinary and she’ll complain.
Don’t ask your woman for permission to do anything. Just tell her what you’re going to do and when. It’s fair for her to know when you’re not going to be around/available. So tell her. But don’t ask. Your woman’s going to complain. She’s going to deliberately plan things on top of your gym hour, your professional events after work, your time with your friends, and ask you to cancel things and reschedule things. Tell her no. If she’s a bitch about it, mention that you told her what you were doing and when, and tell her to reschedule or cancel her shit.
Be dismissive of undesirable behavior – One piece of advice parents always give is that when your 1-3 year old is throwing a shitstorm of a tantrum, walk away. Don’t engage them. Engaging them just reinforces their shitty behavior by rewarding it with the attention they’re seeking. Something parents often fail to realize, though, is that this same advice is equally applicable when dealing with adults.
When your woman complains about something that is not an important life or death matter, or tries to pick a fight over something, never argue. Because except for those rare cases of actual significance that are easy to recognize, she’s not after the solution to her complaint or a resolution to her conflict. She’s after validation. Attention. When you respond to a complaint, you validate it. You took something that was trivial and unimportant and treated it like it was a legitimate talking point.
This advice doesn’t just extend to bitchy behavior, though. If your woman is blathering on and on about some annoying girl from work and you don’t have the time to listen to this or it’s just plain bothering you, you don’t have to. You can cut her off if you’d like. You can answer with grunts while doing something else. You can refrain from validating this behavior by withdrawing your attention. Obviously, you should listen to your woman most of the time, if she’s holding up her end of the relationship in other respects. This example is just to illustrate that the act of being dismissive can be applied to any undesirable behavior. Not just bitchiness, irrationally denying sex, flirting/chatting with other guys, etc.
Be amused at anger – This is really just a subset of #2, above, but because attempts to argue, complain, and pick fights are most women’s first choice of shit test, it warrants its own bullet point. The best possible way to be dismissive is to find something entertaining and amusing. She’s trying to shake your frame, get a rise out of you, bring you down to her level, and instead, you derive benefit from her actions, and respond like you would to a child - by responding to the fact that she’s communicating and the manner in which she’s communicating, rather than addressing the feigned issue she’s raising.
If you become angry, defensive, hurt, etc., then the message you’ve sent to your woman is: “You are more powerful than I am. You have the power to affect my emotional state. I don’t decide how I feel. You do. I don’t take charge of my life. I just react to shit. I am an unworthy and weak male specimen. Please refrain from having sex with me and find yourself a real man.” In fact, if you address the issue at all, you’re saying: “You control what is and is not important in our lives. You set my priorities just by talking. You’re my boss.”
Your woman doesn’t want you to get angry. She wants you to remain a solid rock, upon which she can rely. Despite what society will try to tell you, your job is to be the rock that grounds her, not to address her every issue with the whole of your attention and communicate your feelings with one another. Your woman can talk to her girlfriends about that stuff. She needs you to be a man.
The added bonus is that if you’re always amused, stoic, and unshakeable, then on the rare occasions when you do raise your voice or become aggravated by something, your woman will know that you are expressing anger intentionally, and with great purpose, because the issue is important. On those rare occasions when you do get angry, they’re special, and you command her attention.
Communicate less, not more – The whole world’s proposed solution to relationship problems is communication. And if that’s not working, counseling, where the counselor can have you communicate some more.
But when your woman comes home from her workday (or her non-workday, depending on her situation), and begins to complain about a co-worker or friend of hers, and chatters on and on for 45 minutes straight about this other person you barely know and don’t care about, she doesn’t want you to offer solutions or advice. She just wants you to sit there and listen. To communicate less. To just say “uh huh” and nod. She wants you to hear her feelings, but she doesn’t want you to tell her what you think.
And when you’re having a hard time at work and may be getting fired at the end of the week, that’s the last thing she wants to hear from you. If you tell her about your worries, she’ll just worry, too, and there’s nothing she can do about the problem. So by communicating, you’ve made her sad. She’s not dumping you because you won’t have a paycheck in 5 days. She’s dumping you because you make her sad, especially when you express things to her that make it look like you don’t have your shit together.
The biggest shit test of all will be when she comments that you never talk about yourself or express what you’re feeling to her and demands that you tell her about your feelings. But remember, guys, this is a test, and the right answer is: agree and amplify. “Uhh. Let’s see. I’m feeling hungry. And horny. Definitely horny. But mostly hungry. If you’d worn a shorter skirt, maybe we could have flipped the two around, but I’m going to go get some food.” Her inner self will nod in approval when you say that. "Yup. Still a man," she'll confirm.
--Be selfish. Be dismissive of undesirable behavior. Be amused at anger. Communicate less, not more.