Beware of female bosses

Note: The points highlighted in this essay in the upcoming paragraphs are my personal interpretation of observations and conclusions drawn from psychiatrist studies and experiments conducted by reputed individuals and/or institutions. They also contain my opinions that I don’t desire to force on anybody and will not be offended if anyone respectfully disagrees by providing a counter-argument with similar credible evidence from reliable and verifiable sources.

About this essay: This might appear like I am against women leading teams and organizations but that is untrue. I don’t believe that female bosses in particular are bad, incompetent or even malevolent by nature. The actual purpose of this post is to inform people, or at least open discussions, on the difference between male and female bosses. Men have been leading everything for a long time and now, only a few decades ago women have been in charge in some industries or some sections of some industries, so it is time we understand how they function and how they work. Men and women are different physically, chemically, and socially because they are treated differently because of their genders, have different biochemical composition, and want different things in life. These differences cumulate and exhibit in multiple ways when either of the sexes hold a position of authority. If you truly believe the narrative that a boss is a boss and gender doesn’t matter, you are believing what you want to be true. What we want is an impartial and capable leader and we just want to know them by their title. However, the reality is far from that and we know it. Believing otherwise will be naive. In this chapter, we will see in which ways female bosses are different from men and how it might affect the dynamics at the workplace. I have presented evidence through this chapter which are sociological experiments’ conclusions and various psychological studies conducted by different credible and impartial institutions. This chapter aims to give it's readers a deeper insight into how women function as leaders and how you should change your approach while functioning with them because they are clearly different from men in a multitude of ways. It is impossible to keep your personality and character out of your professional responsibilities, so might as well learn to integrate that and learn to live with it.

What makes them different?

them=female bosses

Hormones, understanding of the world, skills, interests are a few of the many things that make women different from men. In this section, we will see those specific differences from professional angles and how they have an impact in the workplace and the subordinates of the said female boss.

Motivation to succeed

Men, in the workplace, are motivated to complete their deadlines, finish the tasks assigned to them as fast as possible. It will help them ascend the dominance hierarchy in that organization, because they will be invariably valuable to the bottomline of the company. Women, on the other hand, are more focussed on getting along, obtaining the respect of their coworkers, and being empathetic. The motivations to succeed are different biologically. Men choose to succeed by getting respectable and secure jobs to get more mating options or rather, better mating options. Women choose to succeed to overcome social barriers that they believe are hurdles in their path of being treated as an equal. The infographic generated by Boston Research Group based on research conducted in 2012 says the same(source). This motivation to succeed and thirst for achievements can be proven by looking at the distribution of both genders in colleges.

Academically women are more motivated to get higher education and more degrees and men are more likely to get those degrees based on the practical utility it provides. Men choose their majors in college based on which might get them the most respectable job or the biggest check, therefore most men choose to go for STEM fields. Women, on the contrary, choose to go for degrees that they believe will attain them equal treatment. Most students studying liberal arts in college are women and most students in the STEM fields are men(source). The motivations to get a degree in a particular field and the motivation to get a job are different in both men and women and that directs the behaviors accordingly.

People and things

Men are more interested in things and women are more interested in people(source). As a result of this fundamental difference in opinions and interests, men are more likely to look at situations/incidents with a tactical perspective whereas women tend to take the social approach. Whenever there is a problem at work, which is almost everyday, men are more likely to look at it objectively and pursue the solution in that manner. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to look at things from the social POV. For example, who is involved in the problem, what can they do about it, who is affected, etc. Men are more likely to look for the answers to what is causing this issue, how it is affecting the bottom, etc.

If one is working under a female boss, it is more likely that you will be treated more as an independent individual but with male bosses, you will be treated more as a valued employee capable of solving problems.

Materialism

This could have been included in the “motivation to succeed” but I feel it deserves it's own section. Men buy things that are necessary for their survival and women buy things for entirely different reasons(source). Men already know what they are purchasing even before stepping into the store/mall and women browse when they get in, although they do have some idea about what they might want. If you read the article in the previous source, you will find that women do 83% of the purchasing. Although a part of it could be attributed to women who shop for their families, if you take a look at the possessions of a typical single modern woman living on her own in a big city who has a credit card, you will know. Younger women are more likely to purchase things online that they might not need but want(source).

How does this impact work? Well, what motivates women when they are acquiring things is what they “want” and not “need”. There are instances in which female team leads have done things based on what they want. Furthermore, this affects the decisions that a boss makes at work for the entire team and the office. Men purchase things or get things based on it's utility whereas women give some preference to the material value and the status the material brings with it. Men are okay to show up at work wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt but women need to go through multiple blog articles to nail the “chic” look at their office during the summers. Purchasing decisions, tools, workflows, etc, all of these are “materials” which are chosen for their utility only if the decision-makers are predominantly male.

Stress response

Prefrontal cortex is a part of the mammalian brain located at the front of the frontal lobe and is responsible for a lot of crucial functions. Prefrontal cortex is responsible for a lot of complex actions, including but not limited to voluntary movement, planning, focussing, strategizing, and personality development(source). The limbic system, which is buried deep within the brain tissues of the brain has a completely different set of functions. It is responsible for behavioural and emotional reactions, especially the ones necessary for our survival. The limbic system exhibits and controls our response and behaviour for reproduction, caring for our young, feeding, and fight or flight scenarios(source). Even though men have a larger sized brain in terms of volume(about 8 to 13 percent), women’s limbic system in the brain is more developed, resulting in the potential of experiencing a larger range of emotional spectrum more deeply than men with developed emotional response than men in general(source).

Work is a stressful place where problems and challenges of varying magnitude pop-up on the regular. It has been found that in stressful situations like these, in the case of men, the prefrontal cortex activates influencing men to take a route involved in planning and strategizing and in the case of women, the limbic system activates influencing them to take an emotional and behavioural route(source). Even though it cannot be said with certainty that any of the sexes are better at handling stress, because stress comes in different shapes and forms and demand appropriate responses and courses of the action from the individual experiencing it, it can be said that stressful situation at work can be more easily solved with the prefrontal cortex rather than an emotional response triggered by a powerful limbic system.

Agreeableness

Agreeableness is a trait that comprises altruistic, empathetic, caring, and helping natures of the human species that makes the person more accepting, assistive, and forgiving towards others. If you are in the workplace and are in the position of power, you need to be authoritative, argumentative, and strong-minded. Although every emotion needs to be moderated in an appropriate range for ensuring success in the workplace, research has indicated that professional development is better in individuals that are less agreeable. People who are less agreeable are more likely to get promoted, more likely to earn more than the individuals who are more agreeable(source). This doesn’t mean that you should be a douchebag at work and be insufferable, it merely means that being the “good, helpful guy” probably won’t get you your next raise or promotion. Learning to say “no” at times and putting yourself(or the collective) first might help you as these are the traits most sought after in a leader.

Time and time again it has been shown that women are more agreeable than men and it makes them more empathetic, patient, caring, helpful, and altruistic(source). Furthermore, it can be observed that the professions that require those personality traits are predominantly done by women. Examples include but are not limited to, teachers, nurses, babysitters, air hostesses. Women who are bosses or women who are driven enough to climb up the professional ladder to become bosses have to cultivate this trait of disagreeableness. Going against your nature and compromising your own morality will make you resentful, hurtful, and vengeful(source). The same concept has also been deeply described in “Crime and Punishment” by a great Russian. Are you comfortable with working with someone who is potentially like that? Again, not all women are by default agreeable, but a majority of them are, of course, hyper-successful women who are difficult to co-live with as a partner but a person who has compromised their own morality is harder to work for.

How are male bosses different?

Note: The following points are derived from personal experiences hence could be treated as anecdotal evidence.

• Getting along: Men don’t need to get along to get shit done. In my personal experience, I have worked closely with men who deeply hate me and I despise them back. Even though we occasionally make out mutual hatred clear through serious sarcasm, I never had trouble working with them. Yes, it made things a bit difficult, but after a while, it was okay. I don’t recommend working with someone who you hate, although it will be okay to work with someone who you are not particularly fond of. You will always be on “defensive mode” because that person might sabotage your career, or worse, mental peace.
• Humor: Everyone does make some kind of jokes and the kind of jokes that I make are not particularly PC(at least I think they are “jokes”). In my personal experience so far, making those kinds of jokes will draw you trouble if you do it in front of women. And I am not just talking to coworkers, it is my sister, female acquaintances, etc. As a response to non-PC jokes, women like to put the guy in the spot by making a snide remark, taking personal offense, and often follow up with an inquiry asking what makes that joke funny. Some laugh it off, but it just kills the vibe.
• Predictability: Women are more emotional than men. A lot of studies already prove that, and even though it is just a fact, many take offense to it. It is an objective fact and it is the way women are in general. Anyway, I feel that men’s emotions are predictable and we know what’s up and how to behave, and reading the room becomes easier. In the case of dealing with a room full of females, or even a conversation with a woman at work, it is hard to gauge her emotions. At the end of the day, men have an “life sucks and we have to deal with it” attitude, but in the case of women, it depends how much attention Amy from accounting was getting because she had a haircut, just joking, but you get it(men will be like, “yeah I know, right”, but women will, well, I simply have no idea).

Some stereotypical points

Of course, since I am a straight male living in the age of modern feminism, some of my opinions will be stereotypical towards women because all men are pigs and bigots. Instead of making it difficult to fish out from this long essay, I made another section, so go to town on this one.

• Fake compliments: It is evident from the social media these days, but women really do that in real life as well. I had never seen a woman talk badly to another woman to her face. However, I have also rarely seen a woman talk highly of another woman in her absence. Honestly, it is none of my business who women choose to hate or appreciate as long as this duality doesn’t exist. My female boss gives fake compliments to other women in common meetings but her opinion shifts entirely when they leave. I guess she was complimenting her personality and not her quality of work.
• Personality extrapolation: Women tend to form an impression of you based on a small interaction that you had. Men do it, but the impression keeps on modifying as the number of interactions increase. In the case of women, their demeanour in every new interaction will be defined by the way they understood you in the first one. Again, this is something that I feel personally and you might disagree with this.
• Being friendly: This takes up a lot of energy. I am not at work to make friends although that will be a welcomed outcome, if the opportunity arises. Friendships forge themselves and cannot be forced. I know being nice and kind is good, but being over the top “friendly” is irritating. I cannot bother to change the tone of my voice while greeting you every single day while you share a dull anecdote from your life that I do not care about. Some days are busy, I just want to complete my shift, go home and take a nap, it is nothing personal if you interpret me as “unfriendly”. I will always be nice, courteous, and professional, but dragging conversations filled with fake compliments to appear friendly is not my cup of tea.

Friendly advice

Women are in the workplace and thank god for that. There are a lot of perks of women being in the workplace, although I will write about that in another essay. The point is either today, or tomorrow you might have to work with women. Here is some friendly advice that you can follow if they make sense to you.

• Be professional: Speak less, speak when necessary, speak when spoken to. It is a good piece of advice. Confucius also said something along the line of, “silence is a friend that never betrays”. One of the most important aspects of being professional is staying silent in most cases. Be courteous and nice but please shut the hell up, especially when you are around women. Everything you will say will be seen through their emotional filter. At work, everything you say should be work-related and nothing else. Answer the daily conversation starters in one sentence(not one word). “I had a great weekend” instead of “great”.
• Desexualize yourself: At my workplace, most men of my age wear t-shirts, hoodies, cargo-shorts, denim shirts, etc. I keep it simple, a full-sleeved shirt and a pair of trousers with shoes. I am not saying it because “I am a saint” but because your purpose is to get the bag. Present yourself professionally, clean and neat. Added perk is I don’t have to spend any time thinking about what I want to wear. If you are an attractive man, have a regular haircut, don’t wear clothes that show off your toned abs or muscles because your purpose is not to raise eyebrows at work. Believe me, it doesn’t help you in your professional journey. Yes, being presentable helps, but not like that. This brings me to my next point.
• Don't have sexual relationships: This is a “duh” but so many people do it. Having sex changes everything at work, but I might have to write another short post about how it changes the dynamics at work. I will also advise, don't even meet them outside of work, because you have no idea what kind of a human being they are. They could be amazing, unless you wish to increase the level of friendship, don't even meet them outside of work. Also, another branch of advice off of this train of thought, men are better friends, or in other words “female friend” is a myth. Like Ice Cube had said, “I don’t converse with pussy I ain’t gon get”. Anyway, the point is, your life is already complete, don’t meet women from work outside of work.

Comments are welcome. Please be respectful, provide logical arguments and above all, keep in mind that I am just an idiot with the internet.