tl/dr - A Disney Tale of Female Hypergamy and Alpha Widowhood

So for some reason I was thinking about /u/IllimitableMan's post about the Casino Metaphor, concerning an analogous story to female hypergamy. And since a couple weeks ago I recently went to my kid cousin's funeral wedding in Orlando, and spent the weekend with extended family at the Mouse House, I came up with a Disney-themed analogy story, since we so often talk about "the Disney fantasy" that we were all sold in our youth concerning women. So I give you,

"Big Thundercock Mountain: An Alpha Widow Tale"

It's like, let's say she is going to Disney World. She spends the entire afternoon riding Big Thundercock Mountain over and over again. She has a fast pass, she's skipping the line, and wow is this ride so fun. The ride is fast, bumpy, jerky, exciting, and exhilarating. But eventually, as the day wears on, fewer and fewer coaster cars are on the track, and for some reason, all women younger than her are being authorized to cut her in line to get on the ride. Before you know it, the line is 4 hours long, and she can't ride anywhere near as often.

So instead, she decides to grab a hot dog for lunch, and as she is wandering around the park, she comes across the Dumbo Ride. Wow! No lines! So she hops right on. At first it seems ok. The ride is steady, stable, not too fast, and really really predictable. She pushes the handle up, Dumbo goes up; she pushes the handle down, Dumbo goes down. She is in total control.

But soon, this ride starts to bore her, then it bores her to death. She can't wait to get off. This ride may be safe and stable, and yeah, technically it's a "ride" just like Big Thundercock Mountain is a "ride", but it's nowhere NEAR as exciting. She'd rather piss on Dumbo than take him for even one more fucking spin. The idea of staying on this ride is literally nauseating now.

So she rushes to get off the Dumbo Ride, and she just can't resist....

....how long is that line at Big Thundercock Mountain again?

Lesson Learned: Don't be Dumbo; slow, bloated, safe, and predictable. Be Big Thundercock Mountain; wild, fast, and unpredictable.