~ archived since 2018 ~

Books aren't enough to help me.

May 28, 2016

I have been a fuck up all my 29 years. When I think I have myself acting the way I need to in order to achieve my goals I fail. I fail because I get right back into the same habits in less than one day, one fucking day!

Should I seek out a mentor, or what? Because I can not keep failing like this, it's unacceptable. Can I garner any guidance from some men here that the books couldn't help? I read the sidebar over and over and it isn't sinking in. I'm completely lost, and I can't be like this anymore, I hate myself and I shouldn't feel this way.

Breaking out of my beta shell is still an ongoing battle for me and I discovered TRP over two years ago! I have a severe video game addiction and I know I have to cut them out completely. I used to lift, but I stopped when I moved to a new state. My relationships with friends, family, and my LTR are all strained to the breaking point because of me.

I just don't want to be this failure anymore and I could use some guidance from someone. Please TRP, help me become the man I want to be.

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Post Information
Title Books aren't enough to help me.
Author Pelikahn
Upvotes 8
Comments 16
Date May 28, 2016 2:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/books-arent-enough-to-help-me.59459
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4le54l/books_arent_enough_to_help_me/

[–]2comment 10 points10 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Okay friend, enough vague generalities, spill it. How are you a fuck up and what do you all want to accomplish?

Type it all out in painful detail.

[–]Pelikahn[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was extremely happy when I had my job. I could pay for my wonderful apartment that my LTR lived in with me. I was social, went out and played board games and/or DnD twice a week with friends. Life seemed perfect, then reality came crashing in. My performance at work was abysmal, so I was fired in April. I have been battling with unemployment compensation while I half-assed looking for new work. My car was totaled. I have no way to get to a new job, I have nothing in terms of finances right now. All I have is a ps4, and I'm addicted to it.

In a world were I could achieve all my goals? I would be professional gamer or at least help make games. I have a GI Bill I can use to go back to school, but not until December since I just moved to a new state. I don't want to waste any of my GI Bill on non-resident fees (it's almost twice the normal rate for school). I like to write, but god am I awful at it. I can come up with settings for stories fairly easy due to being a DM since I was fourteen, that's why I think video game design would be a good idea for me. I went to school to become an electrician years ago, so I plan to get myself a vehicle, get a job as an electrician, and go back to school for video game design.

My main physical issues blocking my path right now is the fact that I have no money other than unemployment and my tax return. No car, and my LTR split things off with me and we share an apartment. She can't afford this place by herself, and I have no where to go (I know, I'm a dumbass). So for now I don't really have a plan yet. Do I stay until I get some money and move to a better location? Do I move back home to my parents up north? Do I contact a recruiter and just go back into the air force active duty?

I have backed myself into a corner, and I dragged an innocent bystander (my LTR) into it as well. I'm crushed with guilt and remorse, but I can't let it stop me. I hate myself and I need to kill the old me. I just don't know how to other than quitting all the vices and concentrating on what I can do right now to better myself.

[–]iAmSaRtini 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you want to lift, lift. If you want to be better, do better. If you want to change your life, change your life. So long as you believe, you can achieve. You can do anything you want in life. But you don't. Why? Because people only do things with the greatest meaning to them. It is meaning that propels us to take action. Find what has meaning to you and then do it. Now, you'll probably say, "Nothing has nay meaning to me." Neat. Consider this ... There are two things in life that motivate people: love and hate. When you hate something, you'll want to change it. When you love something, you'll want to grow it (to make more of it). If you don't know what to do, or where to get started. First, figure out what you hate and change it. or figure out what you love and then create more of it. The key is to simply go out and create. It matters little what it is, merely that you create something. Why? Because when you create, you have accomplished something. When you create one thing you then know you may create another, and another, and another. Keep moving forward. Re-focus. Find something that has meaning to you and go out and create it.

[–]makeshift98 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to learn some self-discipline. Find some simple thing, and do it for 3 weeks straight. Then find another thing and do that for another 3 weeks. Then find another thing and do that for 3 weeks. "Habits start as cobwebs and end up as chains."

[–]HappyScribe 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to plug yourself back into reality. Video games are an escape from reality and will suck an ungodly amount of time out of your life for very little return - as will TV, reddit, porn, fiction, drugs and alcohol. I know of someone who has literally spent the last ten years of his life playing Warcraft.

If you are serious, I suggest you do the following:

  • Get rid of your videogame system. Sell it, give it to someone who wants it. Just get it out of your house. It is a parasite that's sucking your life away. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. They don't understand addiction.
  • I bet you won't get rid of your machine, and that's because you're not serious about changing. You want change to be easy, and it is, you just need to deal with a little pin prick of short term pain.
  • Understand, when you get rid of your machine, you will grieve. You will find life empty. You'll desperately want to fill your time with something. The danger here is you'll fill your time with another addition.
  • Join a class at the gym. You need to get into the habit of going to the gym on a regular basis and a class will help. If you'd like my advice a BJJ class is the sort of thing that'll help (you'll suck at first, but suck it up, you'll get better).
  • Do an evening class in acting/improv.
  • Do a night class that'll help with your career and result in a qualification.
  • Get a part-time job in a bar or sales where you have to interact with people.
  • You need to fill that time with productive activities (You've read the sidebar, reading more books won't help).

If you're hardcore:

  • Move house. Move to another city and start again. Move to another country and start again. Your main problem is how you see yourself. You think you're a loser, and everyone around you sees you as a loser - and they'll keep re-enforcing that idea.
  • Change your identity. You're now an athlete and a winner.
  • Set small goals for yourself. When I was starting out I'd do three things - make sure I ran once round the block every night, meditate for five minutes and tidied something in my house for five minutes (or one tune on my ipod a day). That's all. Chances are you might do a bit more, run a little further, tidy another. What counts is consistency.

[–]stupidsexyflaunders 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's funny, you've identified some of the most major things you need to do. Life is a bunch of tiny decisions built up over time. Start making the right decisions.

Also check out Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo. Sounds like a lot of your issues are mental. You can change that.

[–]FlamingDogPoop 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It takes 66 days to make a habit. Write your goals down and look at them every day. Miss a day? Try again tomorrow

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know how you feel bro and I really recommend Greg Plitt he helped me change myself in tremendous ways. The only motivation that actually tells the truth for me instantly. The stuff he says can be applied to areas of life, not only fitness. Tell me what you feel and think after seeing these videos. He inspired millions of people just read the replies at these videos and you know he's a legend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCDIqAVrCeU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxC0ze7Hta0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n026q_W3Ug https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePcB-yWkAzY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix4YeevRgmQ

[–]WhiteTrashKiller 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Join the military! @ 29 yrs old you're in your prime years, use them for something. You won't have time to play video games in tbe beginning and can stop your cycle.....

See I fixed everything for you with one suggestion! Go get em Tiger.....

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Journey of a thousand miles and all that. Start skipping your gaming. Try every other night or go out and do another type of gaming. Cold approach 10 women before you allow yourself to turn on a console.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. Video games are not bad. You can learn audio material while you're playing them. Even most of the RSD stuff will go into your head for example. You play with no sound and listen to podcasts.
  2. You need something that will release stress you seem to be agitated from your writing style. Check Noah Elkrief or learn meditation. Or use breathing exercises.
  3. If the sidebar is not enough for you e.g. you can't find all the solutions there go read other books on topics of psychology and strategy. I was trying couple of times to provide a list here you can find it following my profile.
  4. You can lift, you can run, you can go on long walks, you can push up and pull up. Find yourself a physical activity.
  5. Chances of finding a mentor are pretty slim. But check who would help you from your acquaintances. If somebody is providing shitty advice - leave him be, find another one.

That's sound like a plan for me. Hope for you too.

[–]gghavoc 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The information presented is meant to be a starting point and as reference on your journey, not the destination. It seems like you may be overwhelmed with the totality of your situation, but this is a common and fixable issue. I realize you feel books haven't helped, but I would recommend looking into "The Power of Now", it's an excellent summation of the mental state that is necessary to achieve whatever it is you want. You have already taken several steps to making positive changes, since you acknowledge your obstacles and want better for yourself. For me, when I'm not physically active and slack off on hitting the gym, it seriously zaps my energy and mental balance. It has a trickle down effect to every part of my life, and once I remember this I revert to a regular workout schedule.

[–]NaughtyFred 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Kumrag 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]Pelikahn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you everyone. My LTR split it off with me last night after making this post, and I don't blame her. I have been leeching off her since I lost my job (a damn good one at that) a month ago due to my own complacency and straight up laziness.

I didn't let this stop me though, I went to the gym and lifted. I even did some cardio which is completely new to me. I want to use the stock market to grow my money, so I have been reading literature and gathering information on companies I have interests in. I also tidied up the apartment some.

/u/Happyscribe you're right, I don't want to sell my ps4, I did make it all I have in my life and pushed everything else away. That addiction has crippled me for years. When I was younger I used to smoke cigarettes constantly, but I quit that habit and never picked it up again. If I can have the self control to quit cigarettes cold turkey, I have the ability to quit video games the same way.

I'm going to continue this change in my life until I die, because I already feel better about myself and all I did was lift, run, and clean up after myself.

Thank you all again. I am going to be a man, no matter how difficult becoming one will be.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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