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Can you be too emotionally distant and closed off?

June 14, 2013

By far, the most common complaint I receive from the opposite sex (whether they're friends, lovers, or family) is that I am too emotionally guarded/closed off/distant.

I know enough not to take this complaint at face value, but I imagine that there must be something I can learn from this, especially considering it is petty universally levied against me by all of the close females in my life.

I don't necessarily buy it either; I am open, concise, and direct in expressing my wants and desires, and answer serious questions honestly and without anxiety. The closest thing I can think of is that I don't offer up personal opinions or drone on in monologue about the intricate details of what I think about x or y hardly at all. After all, aren't such vanities needy and validation seeking? Won't droning on kill attraction?

Looking for advice from the only people who know what the fuck they're talking about anymore on how to improve from this phenomena.

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Post Information
Title Can you be too emotionally distant and closed off?
Author BellatorCordis
Upvotes 8
Comments 14
Date June 14, 2013 8:58 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/can-you-be-too-emotionally-distant-and-closed-off.4879
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1gd2by/can_you_be_too_emotionally_distant_and_closed_off/
Red Pill terms in post

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Are you happy? If yes, why change?

[–]BellatorCordis[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The best answer I can come up with is that I am a contented man seeking happiness.

I feel like there is room for improvement in my happiness, despite not being unhappy.

[–]thecajunone2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't change. The hilarity of this situation is if you begin to show vulnerability they lose respect for you. Women don't know what they want. "Open up to me!!!". Then you do and lose value in their eyes. They want the opposite of what they say in nearly every situation.

[–]thebears19867 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Push/pull is the key here. Sometimes you are aloof, sometimes you are open. How you are aloof and open matters. Difficult to master, and I will say that every girl you are dealing with has different things she wants push/pull on, how much, how often, etc. Red pill and PUA blogs have described this pretty well and much better than I could. A search on some of them should turn up something.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Err on the side of aloof. Easier to get back into her that way.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

No girl has actually ever held it against me for being too emotionally distant and closed off. The worst response I've gotten was:

"You're a tough nut to crack."

That's it. Then I just laugh and meet up with them and have a good time. Stop caring so much, and if the girl is difficult, move to the next one; or, as I prefer, interact with multiple girls regularly and let them join/drop as time goes on.

Life is pretty wonderful, but it's also short.

[–]BellatorCordis[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Spin more plates, as they say.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's working out for me. I recommend it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTDCRedPill4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My viewpoint has recently been that guys start out trying to be fully open and 'in touch with our feelings' and show both vulnerability and (negative) emotions. Show of weakness plus vulnerability and sexual interest drops to 0.

When they learn to curb that, they then get closed off near what I picture you are doing. Facts are free flowing, but without showing or generating any emotion so they aren't showing vulnerability. No vulnerability to expose, but they don't generate the good feelings of positive emotions. Better than before but not great.

I think the goal is to be able to give out the nuggets of facts with stories to go with them that show my positive emotions. No negative emotions, and not showing vulnerability.

Showing emotions and putting them out there is needed to connect with folks, of both sexes. They key is to not show or describe negative emotions (makes you much easier to want to be around) in your many positive stories (makes you interesting), and not show vulnerability (for sexual attraction).

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

emotions aren't necessarily bad, they're just hard to control

anger is a very male emotion that women don't find weak. happiness is positive

it's mostly being a whiny crybaby that women don't like, they don't like people seeking validation

[–]evatt490 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that maybe you're thinking about your game a little too constantly. The reason you say you aren't super conversational is because you're afraid it will kill attraction. This is going a little too far. You don't have to constantly be weighing every move; if you want to talk about random shit and offer up personal opinions then do so. But again if you're just naturally quiet, don't change, you sound like you're doing fine.

[–]pialox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get this comment about myself a lot. I am the opposite in regards to voicing my opinion but still don't get into intricacies. I think sometimes you need to remember that women are much more influenced by their environment and other people. To me you are doing it right as long as you are in control of your own emotions & don't show that you are easily influenced or manipulated by others emotional state. Just don't forget to have fun. If you do display a distant like nature ensure that when you do display emotion it isn't always negative.

Perhaps what your friends of the opposite sex are saying is that you aren't passionate about anything? Showing a passion for something will automatically bring people in and not revel any chinks in your emotional armour so to speak.

[–]VeryWideDoucheNozzle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


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