Divorcing your Sense of Value from Women (and friends)

August 6, 2017

Summary: This is a frequently cited principle that lays a big chunk of the foundation for TRP, but which is usually presented only in the vaguest of directives. The message seems to be you either get it or you don't.

For anyone having trouble with this important step, read on. I will present multiple practical techniques designed to teach you how to get your brain to internalize a sense self-worth that women cannot touch. The value of that should be self evident and will not be argued.


  • 1. Even degenerate drug abusing fucktards can have lots of friends and get laid. These individuals sometimes bring value in other ways, but more frequently than not, it is mostly the "perception of value" that matters, and their actual function is imminently replaceable or imitable.

Go forth and observe any drug dealer and notice how even the fat & ugly ones will be swimming in pussy and new social opportunities.

Better yet, try it for yourself, and notice how people suddenly change when you possess something that they want. Stop after you have learned your lesson, because your job is to go out and find a real fucking career, not waste your life.

  • 2. The acquisition or loss of friends and sexual partners does not impact your skillset whatsoever. This is a critical insight because the fear of failure and the resulting social exclusion / loss of sexual access is the primary driving force behind outcome dependence and anxiety.

I like to compress this one with a little mindfuck question: "What if your mother and father had never met?"

Well the answer is you would not exist. But both your mother and father would most likely have gone down 2-3 barstools and found some other viable candidate and made a different baby.

When you lose a friend or sex partner, the instinct is to extrapolate that loss into your life - I lost a group, I lost future potential partners, etc. While technically true, this is an instinct we carry mostly from our tribal days, where exclusion from the very small tribe and being cast out into the savage world alone was basically a death sentence.

Today you lose a friend and go make more friends. Nothing about your skillset has changed, except that you probably learned something and will be even more competent in the next go-round. Whatever powers you used to make that friend or land that plate in the first place can be used again.

Want to see it in action? Spend less time with your existing connections, AND GO MAKE NEW ONES. Watch how miraculously your self-confidence starts to build up steam, and your dependence on what previously seemed like vital social connections disappears.

  • 3. Finally but perhaps most important, tackle challenges in your life that give you an inherent sense of self-worth. This is different from person to person, but I'm certain that everyone has something they could find to use.

For me it's martial arts. Dunno why. I am a radically different person when training/competing than when not. And I naturally put my very best work into training, conditioning, and competing. Walking away with a medal, a belt, or a tapout has very little to do with whether or not I can correctly socialize with a female.. or does it? Simply giving my brain the feedback system of taking on a challenge I care about, growing, and succeeding builds confidence. Confidence leads to more success and more success leads to more confidence.

Take note of an important pitfall here: betas, AFCs and newly initiated redpillers are all vulnerable to the trap of subordinating EVERYTHING they to do the almighty pussy.

It is very, very easy to say something like "it doesn't matter that I crushed that dude in jiu jitsu if I still can't get laid, I must be a piece of shit".

That kind of thinking is the exact problem this post is trying to address. Your value, your potential, your worth, needs to be viewed and appreciated in each of its parts. Look at your good works in jiu jitsu and say, "well, I'm damn good at jiu jitsu at least". Go a step farther. Extrapolate. If I'm good at jiu jitsu, which is hard as fuck to be good at, I can be good at whatever I put my mind to.

Including fucking bitches and being cool.

The more of these activities & challenges you take on that you genuinely appreciate, and strive to improve in, the more and more you will build up this internal image of you being a successful, growing, powerful person.

You let that stand for itself, and the snowball rolls downhill, you build confidence, and become a better human that cares less and less about the approval of others, whether you are living in actual abundance or just trying to get there. Why? Because you are creating reasons to give yourself that approval instead - undeniable evidence of your awesomeness - which has nothing to do with the approval or lack thereof from others.

Any problems with anxious thoughts / I'm worthless no matter what because pussy / I've got a great life EXCEPT / ... meditate mother fucker. Keep that shit separated. If you let your ego or your desperation bleed out into every other sector of your life, OF COURSE you are going to feel like a worthless piece of shit, because no matter what you do nothing is ever good enough.


  1. Even degenerate fucktards can get laid & have plenty of friends

  2. Gaining/losing friends or plates has zero impact on your skillset and therefor zero impact on your power

  3. Take on challenges that are meaningful to your life, and then be proud of them, resisting the urge to tell yourself that "none of it matters" if you aren't also getting laid / feeling popular

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/TheRedPill.

/r/TheRedPill archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title Divorcing your Sense of Value from Women (and friends)
Author AwakenedSovereign
Upvotes 103
Comments 24
Date August 6, 2017 8:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/divorcing-your-sense-of-value-from-women-and.45171
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6s0nkd/divorcing_your_sense_of_value_from_women_and/
Similar Posts
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter