Does TRP also work on mothers?

fiat_lux_ · 2014-01-16T04:59:22+00:00

I didn't get enough guidance growing up so learning things on my own took quite a while. Forums like this one where a lot of angry/confused men congregated didn't exist (or I never bumped into them). I found this and others quite late for myself, but at least I can share some positive ideas and solutions to others that might need it.

My mother actually fit a lot of the nasty stereotypes espoused in this sub. She was physically and emotionally abusive, and manipulative. A lot of the ideas/strategies talked about here worked fantastically for me when I finally implemented them... It was effective to a comical level.

My mother often hit me with lighter stuff that wouldn't leave long-lasting, visible damage. She usually had a long blinds-tilter wand ready and it was enough to keep me in line, cowered. I forgot when or why I started working out / lifting, but I think that is when I started growing a spine. She had to hit harder and harder to get any response from me... until one day she used too much force and it snapped against my forearm that I put in the way. She gave up on the physical abuse all together when she later hurt her wrist trying to hit me with something beefier -- the ol' trusty rolling pin. "Are you ok?" as I took it away from her. No response, so I continued. "Good. Don't bother anymore. No use."

I think lifting or physical exercise in general was what set everything off. The testosterone, pain & gain mentality, and growth I felt gave me a sense of power and confidence I didn't have before and helped me deal with depression... which was important because my mother was impossible to please. My father was a lot more reasonable and set stable goals, but my mother's goals changed with how well she perceived other kids were doing.

She had emotional manipulation down to an art. She'd tell little lies that sometimes seem inconsequential, until you eventually realize she's just testing you, to see how far her lying skills can get her. When you let her get away with it, she'd try her "goal-oriented" lies. Just one example of many: exaggerating the achievements of others to make you feel like shit and that you need to achieve more. Standing up to her physically indirectly improved my emotional resistance to her manipulation. I called her out more often:

"No, mom. It's not possible that Jimmy has a 4.9 GPA. There are only N number of advanced placement courses that give 5.0 for A's at our school. There are M number of mandatory non-AP courses that cannot be replaced by taking equivalents at our local community college during the summer. He had to have taken at least K of them which would bog his GPA down with 4.0's. I already worked it out. It's mathematically impossible."

She had a heavy duty rationalization engine running her mind. She thought all this abuse was for my own good. E.g. She would often tell me that I needed to be successful in life because I'm too short, ugly, and socially awkward to ever find someone to marry. Just to note, I'm only a bit under average male height, and in retrospect actually had a ton of friends at every stage of my life from kindergarten onwards... So she was obviously exaggerating, but it still really pissed me off hearing that shit from her all the time, despite her "probable intention" of motivating me.

The pattern was the same as with many other women I see complained about here. The more dependent I was on my parents, the more abusive she could afford to be. It has to do with leverage (financial, emotional, physical, whatever). While I don't "spin plates" behind people and prefer more honest approaches to relationships, I can understand the sentiment and strategy behind it as well as "dread game". It's about having options and not become too beholden to another person.

When I started working part-time, and became less financially dependent (with the help of scholarships), the emotional abuse subsided significantly. When I got a job after college, it disappeared entirely.

I have a positive relationship with her now, and not just because I bought her a new car. It has a lot to do with having independence and power over my own situation (financially and emotionally), and setting boundaries. Those are needed regardless of whether we're talking about family, friends, romantic partners, etc. If she still disrespected me, like back then, I'd be hearing complaints about how the car was under 20k in value, because she was never satisfied. I am completely fucking serious about that. Now, she's a very satisfied and happy woman at least in relation to me. I taught my younger brother to be strong against her as well. My father is still beta towards her, but she had left him alone ever since he got cancer.

I also don't have any hard feelings either (as far as I'm consciously aware of), because there's not much point. First off, child abuse is pretty common among the lower classes and I would not have been better off with foster parents. Secondly, that's just how she is and was brought up. She had a very tough life as well. Her traumatizing hysterical fits were born from irrationality, but the feelings were real. Besides, it's not like her "plans" didn't work. She bought into the American dream (and the romanticized wild west), and her elaborate plan was for the family to slowly climb up the socioeconomic ladder from country to country, city to city, until arriving at a place like the Silicon Valley where either me or a sibling started or joined a startup and then become a multimillionaire. Really... It worked for my younger brother. Really.

I'm not rich, but I'm pretty happy and secure right now myself, so you could say that her laughably elaborate plan worked for her kids after all. I guess you could say I'm well past the "anger" stage at least in relation to her.

rporion · 2014-01-16T12:16:51+00:00

Dancing can be extremely masculine.

Watch a 60 year old Argentinian tango and tell me he is a pussy.

johnnight · 2014-01-16T08:40:38+00:00

Your dancing would have been masculine, if you had a masculine body in the first place. Unfortunately, dancing is pure cardio. It might even be muscle-eating cardio. You would be better off hitting squats in the gim. Maybe she had an early life fascination with a dancer and it's still in her head, who knows.

Your mother gets lonely, because she now has an empty nest. The object of her nurturing is gone and there is nothing else to fill the void. Don't be so hard on her.

Remember, you can have many girls, but you can have only one mother.

2014-01-16T19:48:10+00:00

Hey man, dancing will get you laid - a quick survey of human culture can confirm this. The people mocking you have never been the only straight male in a college dance class. As to whether of not it is "masculine" is ridiculous - it can be and it can NOT be. I mean, is painting masculine? Depends on the work, man.

DIDNT_READ_YOUR_SHIT · 2014-01-16T03:50:30+00:00

Unrelated to your story, but yes it does work.

TomHicks · 2014-01-17T12:56:20+00:00

my mom hasn't been faithful, and I don't intend to forgive her

Wait what?

Title	Does TRP also work on mothers?
Author	TooMuchToDoo
Upvotes	1
Comments	12
Date	January 16, 2014 3:45 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1vc28t/does_trp_also_work_on_mothers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/does-trp-also-work-on-mothers.10076 https://theredarchive.com/post/10076